Jade Eggs, Lawsuits & Throwing Out The Baby With The Bath Water (or not!)

In the light of world events, a lawsuit about jade eggs may seem rather contrite and of little importance. However, when we look a little deeper, a greater issue is revealed: the abject disrespect for women’s erotic intelligence.

As the founder of the modern Jade Egg movement and creatrix of a powerful psycho-sexual method, I’m not at all surprised by the recent lawsuit against Goop. For years I’ve been speaking up against the outrageous claims made about the Jade Egg, taking a stand for the fact that it’s the woman herself that creates her transformation, not the Jade/Yoni egg.

This fact was revealed while during the research for my dissertation—the functional model (do a certain technique with the Jade Egg and get a particular result) was only 1/2 the answer. The more important part of the equation was being left out: the deeper meaning and purpose of our sexuality.

Every time we make promises based on a technique or a thing, we disrespect a woman’s inherent erotic intelligence. We actually propagate her social conditioning, anchoring further that we are not enough as we are, broken and in need of fixing, and must have the guidance of a expert to activate our sexual powers.

Sadly, this industry is profiting from women’s pain and insecurity. And the only solution to this is for women to claim their sexual sovereignty and for professionals to treat them as such.

Jade eggs are not sex toys or gym equipment. We can use them that way, but we won’t get what we are really looking for: ourselves and a confident relationship with our sexuality.

A woman’s body and psycho-sexual health is not something to joke about or to treat like a commodity.

I realize we live in a culture that likes the quick fix, but when it comes to our sexuality, we deserve to invest time and energy in learning high quality education, steering away from wild claims.

There isn’t a quick fix or a pill that will solve our deeper healing. Each one of us has our own journey, one that deserves our high standards and due diligence.

Maybe this incident with Goop will encourage us all to rethink our approach to this practice, and more importantly, how we treat women’s erotic intelligence.

Why I Wrote About Desire

We all come from desire and, whether we acknowledge it or not, desire will remain an integral and intimate part of our lives.

Yet despite its intrinsic power and influence, desire still remains one of the most misunderstood parts of being a human being. And although no one is exempt from its impact, few of us consciously engage with desire. Why is that?

The answer is multifaceted and involves looking more closely at the living edge of where our desire and conditioning rub up against each other.

We can see that now, and throughout our history, desire has been vilified as the source of human suffering and misbehaviors.

The element of chaos is one of the main reasons for desire’s ill repute. It is by nature an essential disruptor; how else would evolution progress as it does?

However, this unsettling facet of desire doesn’t need to deter us. In fact, I believe that we can use this to our own creative advantage.

Imagine harnessing such a powerful force? What would happen in our life?

There is a greater purpose to desire than just titillation or instigating trouble. In fact, my new book explores the idea that desire is an emerging, evolutionary force that we can harness for the better. The problem, however, is that we will have to contend with being consistently side-tracked by ‘hijacked desires’—desires that are co-opted by social mandates.

It’s this distinction that’s crucial to transforming our relationship with desire.

I also wanted to present desire as a symphony, giving it a greater range within our lives. This is why I looked to our desire for sex, love, creating a family, thriving, spirituality and contribution as unique and powerful desire songs.

The idea behind this came from witnessing an elder friend in a state of grief, saying she was terrified of dying with her song unsung. For years this moment touched me and led me into a deeper inquiry about my own song.

I then came to a realization that if I asked myself the simple question of “am I willing to let this song be unsung?” I would inevitably find myself confronted with the truth of a desire. In essence, this question helped me separate my true desires from hijacked ones.

It also sparked in me a daring quality necessary to propel me on my evolutionary journey. This daring quality lives in all of us, yet apathy has clouded it. It’s my hope that this little book called Desire will clear any confusion we have about our own desires and reignite our own daring nature so that we all can become the powerful creators of our own lives.

In a time when we are being overwhelmed by the monstrosity of humanity, we are in need for the nourishment of inspiration and the purification of truth—not mine, but each of our own emerging understanding of what it means to trust our own heart’s calling.

How do you feel about your desire? Would you love to understand this part of yourself more? It’s easy to get your own copy of my newest book, just visit DesireTheBook.com

Gurus Aren’t Gods

Sexual Abuse in the [Un]Conscious Sexuality Movement

More and more gurus are being called out for their sexual abuse and sexual misconduct.

This is not actually surprising. What is surprising, however, is that we are repeatedly surprised by this fact.

There’s something important about this behavior to point out because the most obvious path is to blame the gurus or men in positions of power and forget that it takes two to tango.

There are no victims here, not really.

Naiveté is no longer a free ticket to making bad choices and pointing our finger at our abuser.

If we are adult enough to make choices, especially around sexuality, then we are adult enough to be responsible for the outcome of our choices, even when we are unsure of ourselves or new at an endeavor.

I’d like to propose that there’s something else, other than just the obvious abuser/victim cycle, at work here.

However, before I dive into why hijacked desires are a detriment to all involved, I do want to take a moment to point out the obvious:

A Sexual Guru Isn’t Not A God, He/She is Human

There is a need for people to learn about their sexuality and sexual energy. It’s part of our erotic evolution to seek out teachers and guides in this area, yet there are no real standards in place for these teachers/teachings.

Somehow, for many decades (if not longer) no one has ever questioned the authority of these sexual guru figures.

Or if someone did question them, their voice was never translated for the rest of us to benefit from.

Personally, I started my journey with a wide open heart and a deep desire to learn the arts of conscious sexuality. As a young woman, I viewed advanced Taoist and Tantric practitioners with a sort of reverence reserved for the gods of ancient Greece.

Very quickly, however, I got to see how ‘unconscious’ the conscious sexuality movement actually was:

Story 1: Men surrounding me at a Tantra evening, calling me a Goddess and saying all sorts of ‘formula’ phrases designed to make my female ego throb with desire. All it did was freak me out. And worse, they would NOT let me out of their circle. I had to force myself out between two bodies and literally run away. So much for being adored as a ‘Goddess’.

Story 2: My first teacher seduced me with ideas of ‘higher teachings and special initiations’. Because of my need to be seen and feel special, I bought into his ideas. They involved having sex with him. It was pretty lame sex and I never felt the promised ‘orgasm that takes me to God’. To be honest, I felt more with my own hand in the quiet of the night.

Story 3: As a teacher myself, I was confronted, over and over again, by mothers whose daughters had fallen for the ‘sex teacher’. When I approached the founders and leaders of my community, I was told that I didn’t understand because I was married!!! What?! I retorted that even as a single woman teaching the work, I had never looked to my students for my sexual and relational needs, so why would male teachers be exempt of this? Are we not here to serve our students to learn, grow, and evolve? Obviously not, it’s more like having easy access to a lot of willing sexual partners.

The list odd stories is endless.

I’m sure this has been going on for as long as there have been sexuality teachers. What’s surprising is how few of us seem to go into these communities armed with this knowledge.

I’ll tell you why this is so:

  1. We have our own agendas that we want met. We are blind to what is obvious and see only our own projections rather than the truth.
  2. Living by ideals and not reality. We all have a fantasy of the perfect situation, with the perfect teacher, and the perfect outcome, but the truth is that this is rarely the case and we’d be served to notice the truth of a situation instead of insisting on pushing our ideals.
  3. We assume that anything ‘Eastern’ is holy and impeccable. This is absolutely ridiculous. Humans are humans. They have needs. If we cannot see this, then we are intentionally sticking our heads in the sand.
  4. Young women are especially vulnerable. We are resolving our daddy issues, we want to be special and unique, we want to be Goddesses (especially sex Goddesses), we believe that we need a teacher to unlock our potential, and so forth. You get the picture. We do not teach young people about the right to say what happens with their bodies—what I call Sexual Sovereignty. Because of this, they simply don’t know any better and with that comes risk.
  5. Drive-Thru Sexuality Practices. This is at the crux of most of the issues in this industry. What is known and out there is actually of very poor quality. It has been left unchallenged for far too long and diluted more and more as the information gets shared wider and wider. The truth of the practices is that they have long been exchanged as an excuse to resolve sexual tension and insecurities.

Fairly early on in my journey, it became very clear to me that the information that was available as ‘alternative or conscious’ sexuality practices was more of a joke.  Many times were led by sexual predators and/or sexual addicts.

A large number of people seek alternative sexuality education as a way to initiate their own sexual healing. Some of these individuals teach. In truth, they decided that they were qualified to lead and teach, yet have only managed to grow their neurotic relationship with sexuality and propagate more trauma.

This issue is compounded by ‘hijacked’ desires.

We want what we want no matter the cost,
even the cost of our own integrity

The desire to evolve sexually is honest and real.

The desire to do this no matter what the cost, is BS.

We live in a world that has made a currency out of our sexuality for so long we’ve no clue what it actually means to be a sexual being.

Add sexual repression and layers of dissatisfaction and sexual shame, and we have the perfect climate for an unconscious ‘conscious sexuality’ movement.

Transforming Lead To Gold – Awakening Consciousness
In the Conscious Sexuality Movement

Judging something to be right or wrong only serves to separate ourselves further from it, but it doesn’t actually make the issue go away. This means that instead of judging people and their choices, practitioner or participant, we’d be better off learning from what we are witnessing and using that learning to create deeper, more meaningful experiences.

If we want to actually contribute to bringing more consciousness into sexuality, then we need to hone our discernment while we ditch our judgements.

Discernment is the ability to see the truth and to act in alignment with it without having to make something good/bad or right/wrong. Discernment empowers aligned action, which deepens our self-trust and personal impeccability.

Seven Crucial Aspects of Transformation

  1. We get to own that we desire to grow sexually and sensually. This is a true and honest calling.
  2. We get to also own that we feel incomplete and that we are seeking something or someone to reassure us that we are okay.
  3. To speak out, to question, to challenge authority is crucial, especially in the field of sexuality. Although this can lead to being ostracized, shunned, we must be willing to risk ‘not being liked or approved of’ if we are to take a stand for our own sexual sovereignty.
  4. We must understand that there are literally ZERO standards in the [un]conscious sexuality movement and that we must exercise discernment to the utmost degree.
  5. If you want to know the truth of a teacher, look at their life: How do they live? Are they single or partnered? If they are in a relationship, is it successful? [Many people have a public persona, but what happens when no one is looking is a different matter all together.] Do they have their own method or are they proposing they are following a lineage? How long have they practiced? Who did they learn from, and more importantly, how did they take the information and embody it? Do they believe you need them to grow and evolve? Are they insisting on teaching you through having sex with you? (FYI: The most inadequate teachers require this form of contact. Very high level practitioners would never request this of you NOR would they need such an exchange to transmit their understanding of the deeper wisdom to you).
  6. Have you already experienced abuse? If you have, where are you in your reclamation of your sovereign space? You have the right to feel all the feelings you are moving through, there’s no need to be anything other than who you are in this moment and to learn from what happened so that you are able to choose differently in the future.
  7. Call out those who are out of integrity. It’s important not to collude with the group. If something is off inside the group or with the leader of the group, call them on it. It will not feel nice to do this, but it’s worse to stay silent. If you aren’t ready to do this for yourself, then do it in defense of others.

A New Paradigm For Sexuality

Sexuality isn’t just the act of sex, or more specifically, the act of intercourse.

For more than two decades, I’ve been inviting people to consider the idea that they are sexual beings, not sexual ‘doings’ and inviting them to explore what that means for them personally. This idea can be profoundly challenging as it goes against the ideals and assumptions of society, yet it’s worthy of contemplation.

Being able to define something for ourselves is also invaluable on this journey along with the ability to understand that we were born erotically intact and intelligent.

We are standing at a crucial moment in human history and evolution, a moment where we no longer can afford to be unconscious, where we must ‘grow up’ emotionally and sexually and from this new vantage point, create the world we’d love to live in.

Gurus, old ideals, and ongoing, recurring human behavior are being upgraded, whether we partake willingly or not. Either way, through choice or pain, we will grow. How we go through this growth phase is determined by the choices each of us makes in the micro-moments of life.

It’s time to put sexuality in its rightful place: a natural, sovereign, integral part of being a human being.

This birthright comes with responsibilities. If we want deeper, more intense and alive sexuality, then we must equally be willing to take greater and more thorough responsibility for our choices—from birth control to saying yes or no—and owning the consequences of those choices as a sexually sovereign adult.

If this article speaks to you, we’d love to hear your thoughts (feel free to leave them in the comments below) and have you share it with your community. Come over to TheDaringProject.com  to deepen the discussion and we’ll gift you a free 30-day trial.

Are you prepared for your client's #MeToo Story?

Your Client’s #MeToo Story – Are You Prepared?

With the rise and empowerment of women’s voices comes a shadow: the emergence of pain, anger, fear, confusion and numbness.

Our clients trust us. Implicitly. Therefore it’s natural that we may be the first place where their voice comes forward. How prepared are we for this vulnerable and edgy conversation?

As a professional who is dedicated to the full transformation of our clients, we are in an incredible position to assist women through this powerful time, yet few feel equipped and/or comfortable at having these important, yet intensely edgy conversations.

How we handle these stories will keep a woman in her trauma cycle or will create a pattern interruption that will support her to find her own way through her reclamation journey.

No Psycho-Sexual Training

Although many ​are not qualified to take ​a woman ​on this reclamation journey, we can still be their first responders. How we handle those first few moments are crucial to the success of this reclamation journey; so we want to keep in mind that at the heart of this issue is trust: broken trust, that is.

When trauma of this nature has occurred, ​a ​woman no longer trusts her own relationship with
​her body, never mind other people. This is why it’s so crucial ​she begin​s​ with ​her own body.

Few have methodologies that assist this specifically, however, we can gently inspire a woman to contemplate this idea: her fastest path to wholeness is through returning to herself and her body.

That said, there are a few things we are all capable of offering. Here are three simple, yet potent concepts can we take to impeccably show up for our clients without contributing to the trauma:

1. We transform through who we are, not what we say. This first concept is about doing our own inner work around our pain, grief, anger and confusion. Who we are impacts more than anything we could ever say, this is why our ‘felt-state’, who we are deep inside, has such profound impact on our clients.

The more we can allow ourselves to feel these states and choose to love ourselves no matter how ugly these states may be, the more powerful we demonstrate this possibility through our presence (this happens through a powerful process known as limbic re-imprinting).

2. We are powerful, they are powerful. The second concept is more of a definition that we take on as truth. In situations where there’s been victimization, it’s easy to collude with the pain and forget that there’s a powerful person going through a painful experience.

By taking on that you are powerful, and therefore, your clients are powerful, allows them to get a feel for this, perhaps even for the first time. They literally get a sense that ‘they have this’, even if it will be a challenging time – they have what it takes to experience full reclamation.

3. Our greatest wound is our greatest source of power. This third concept is a recognition, a deeper inner knowing. If, as a person, you have not yet come to this realization, it is a worthy contemplation. When this becomes TRUE for you, you’ll be able to hold this as an honest possibility for your clients. This is one of the most powerful ideas in shifting from trauma to thriving.

To be prepared, to be willing to go where few have gone, is the reason our clients trust us and open up to us. Although these conversations can be scary, we can relax in knowing that we’re listening with the knowledge that she’s powerful, that healing is possible, and that sometimes just having someone listen without trying to rescue or fix can be just as powerful, if not more so, than any fancy technique.
​ ​
To learn more about how to support your clients through these conversations, join my FREE TRAINING ​for Women Professionals… ​3 Life-Transforming Ways To Support Your Clients Post #MeToo

#NowWhat – The Crossroads of the #MeToo Movement

Since the rise of the #MeToo movement, we find ourselves at a crossroads and what YOU choose will impact the outcome.

Find out why YOUR Sexual Sovereignty is crucial in changing the world.

Your Story Matters. Your Voice Matters. You Matter.

Join our growing movement: www.TheDaringProject.com

5 Steps to Redefining Beauty and Revolutionizing Resolutions

Every single day we are barraged with intense programming from the media, from our families, even from our girlfriends, about what we should look like.

These external standards of beauty are ridiculous! Yet we do what we can to try to fit into them, to try to create the ideal body.

We diet. We do intense workouts. We starve ourselves or binge and purge. We pop pills. (What have you done to try to create the ideal body? Or perhaps the better question is, what haven’t you done to try to create the ideal body?)

We internalize those definitions of what beauty is supposed to be and never measure up.

And then what do we do?

We make ourselves wrong for falling short of these external definitions of beauty. We criticize ourselves. We judge ourselves. We set New Year’s Resolutions with a commitment to lose the extra weight or get back into the gym or other goals that are focused on fitting into someone else’s definition of beauty.

We buy into the lie that we are flawed. That we are imperfect. That there is something wrong with us.

Well, I’m here to tell you this is bullshit!

It’s time to stop the madness and throw out the old standards of beauty.

There is another way to be a woman in this world…

There is another way to recognize and embrace your unique beauty…

It involves redefining beauty on your terms and choosing new kinds of resolutions that are revolutionary in a world that wants to make you be something you’re not.

You ready for this?

Let’s do it…

STEP 1: Identify Your Limited Definition Of Yourself

When we allow external standards of beauty to define us, we ultimately don’t measure up. How can we ever achieve the ideal unrealistic body? As a result, we walk around with a limiting thought about ourselves.

Most women, when I ask them what is the biggest limiting thought they have of themselves, are quick to answer:

“I’m not beautiful enough.”

“I’m not perfect enough.”

“I’m not enough.”

“I’m too much.”

What is the limited definition you have of yourself? Write it down or say it out loud.

These definitions are very harmful! And they end up defining our reality. We invest our life force into a definition about ourselves that holds us back from seeing and being the beautiful wild creatures that we are. These judgments also stop us from creating the lives we really truly desire to have.

The first step to breaking free of these definitions is to identify and name them. You have started to reclaim your power with this step… but you must keep going…

STEP 2: Notice How This Limited Definition Feels In Your Body

Say the limited definition you have of yourself out loud (again).

  • What do you notice is happening in your body when you say these words?
  • What goes on in your body when you feel this negative definition to be true in your mind, body and heart?
  • See the connection between the limited definition and how you feel in your body?

Our definitions of ourselves literally define our reality. How can you feel lit up, alive, sexy and beautiful when you’re continually telling yourself you’re not enough and you’re not beautiful?

That’s why it’s time to take the next step…

STEP 3: Redefine Beauty On Your Terms

Now you get to create a new definition for yourself about beauty.

  • How do you wish to feel about yourself?
  • How do you desire to feel in your body?
  • How do you experience yourself when you’re out in nature or soaking in a luscious hot bath? (These experiences give you clues about your true self!)

Tune into your responses to these questions and, from a place of power, consider, what is true for you? How would you like to redefine beauty for yourself?

Here are some redefinitions of beauty that clients of mine created:

“I am radiant and deeply alive.”

“I am wildly alive.”

“I am connected and whole.”

“I am happy, embodied and loving my delicious curves.”

What is your redefinition of beauty? Write it down or say it out loud.

STEP 4: Notice How This Redefinition Of Beauty Feels In Your Body

We are flipping things around! Now say your redefinition of beauty out loud (again).

  • What do you notice is happening in your body when you say these words?
  • What goes on in your body when you feel claim this definition to be true in your mind, body and heart?
  • See the connection between the more expansive, truer definition and how you feel in your body?

As I said above, our definitions of ourselves literally define our reality. Imagine moving through your days in the New Year with your redefinition of beauty as your affirmation, your anchor, your reference point for what true beauty is for YOU. How might your life be different?

That’s why we’re going to take this exercise one more step to really support you in embodying your new definition of beauty…

STEP 5: Revolutionize Your Resolutions With Your Redefinition Of Beauty

I dare you to create a revolutionary intention for 2018. How?

Take your redefinition of beauty and turn it into a daily practice. This could look many different ways:

  • Say it out loud to yourself while looking in the mirror every morning.
  • Write it down on post-it notes and put them around your house (like on your mirror, computer, on a cupboard you regularly open, even in your car!).
  • Write it in lipstick on your bathroom mirror.
  • Turn it into a song that you sing to yourself.

Get creative with this! After spending decades buying into what others have to say about our bodies and our beauty, it’s time to make your voice and your definitions louder and more powerful than theirs.

That’s why I’m encouraging you to turn this into a daily practice as your new Revolutionary Intention! So you can embody and embrace your beauty more than ever in 2018.

In a world that wants you to feel powerless and at the mercy of external definitions of what you should look like, the act of redefining beauty on your terms is revolutionary.

Do you accept my dare?

If so, share your new definition of beauty with me below, so I can celebrate you with you!! (And if you like, you can also share with me how you’re going to make a revolutionary intention with your new definition of beauty!)

Redefining beauty on our terms is a key step in reclaiming body confidence. Would you like to embody more confidence in the New Year? If so, I invite you to check out my Body Confidence Immersion Training (part of my Sensual Wisdom Series). Click here for more information.

Want to challenge yourself daily?  Join The Daring Project – Click here.