Sexual Sovereignty?

Is It The Next Step In Our Sexual Evolution?

Deep inside yourself, you can feel it.

It can be the softest whisper or as powerful as newly unleashed lava.

However you sense it, your sexual evolution is happening right now. 

Even if you don’t believe in it or you feel trapped, lost, or simply bored out of your mind, within you is a force that will not be stopped.

It wakes you at night, it titillates you in random moments, and it catches you when you least expect it.

This is the fragrance of your sexual sovereignty.

These very words, when uttered aloud, can evoke curiosity, relief, and at times, confusion.

What is sexual sovereignty and could it possibly be part of our sexual evolution?

Whether or not we want to admit it, we are evolving sexually.

It may not look that way when we see how extensively we have converted sexuality into a commodity and how far away we have come from truly understanding this powerful human force.

Furthermore, the prevalence of world-wide sexual trauma and abuse hardly inspires us to grasp our own transformation.

Yet beneath all the turmoil and multi-trillion dollar pirating of our sexuality, there is a quiet evolution blossoming.

The root of the word evolution contains within it the idea of unfolding or development.

Therefore, sexual evolution is the natural unfolding or development of sexuality.

If we take this to heart and apply it to an individual, we can see that that each one of us has the potential for a deep unfolding or unveiling of our erotic nature.

It is equally important to note that today’s version of evolutionary sexuality has less to do with cryptic rituals, initiations, or highly specialized sexual postures and techniques and has more to do with accessing something deep within each of us.

This is where sexual sovereignty comes in.

It is the forgotten element of our nature that is often over-shadowed by our fixation on our pain, disappointment, regret, or what is commonly known as our sexual ‘wound-ology’—the focus on our sexual pain and trauma to the point of identifying ourselves with it.

Sexual sovereignty is the natural unfolding of our own erotic wisdom, including the concept of being a fully emotionally and sexually expressed adult.

What it’s not:

Sexual sovereignty isn’t an pre-determined idea or a posture we can assume.

Nor is it something we can bargain for, get from someone, lose to someone, or even purchase.

What it is:

Sexual sovereignty is what occurs when we begin to excavate the riches of our being, the gifts that have yet to be birthed, what has yet to be touched or even acknowledged, without the interference or influence of the external world while being in harmony with our deep erotic wisdom.

By fully claiming our sexuality and commanding an embodied authority of this aspect of our life, our sexuality frees itself from being ruled or formed by external opinions or behaviors, and instead, becomes self-validated, self-reflective and self-actualizing.

Key questions to reveal your sexual sovereignty:

1. Are you identified with your sexual trauma or abuse? If yes, are you willing to begin to explore that who you are is greater than the sum of that experience?

2. Have you spent time concentrating on what your ‘un-born’ or ‘un-expressed’ gifts may be? If not, why not?

3. Are you willing to explore, understand, and transform your past sexual imprints and begin to explore the possibility of self-defining your sensuality and sexuality?

It’s important to note that sexual sovereignty is a natural state of being which is inclusive of both our emotional/psychological self and our erotic intelligence.

It is our inherent sensuality that possess sexual clarity, integrity, and full expression along with emotional depth and responsibility.

As we face some of our biggest evolutionary choices—choices that will determine whether our species continues to thrive and prosper—affirming our own sexual sovereignty becomes an essential part to our contribution to planetary change.

If the concept of sexual sovereignty is something you would like to make into reality, I recommend starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

If you enjoyed this article, please likeshare it, join the Succulence Revolution (sign up on that page), & leave your thoughts below in the comment section.

Are You Magnetically Attractive?

5 Ways To Be Irresistibly Desirable (& It’s Not What You Think…)

You dress to kill, hair perfect, outfit hip & hot, yet as you step out into the world, you notice that you go unnoticed.

You’ve heard all the savvy tips on how to attract your mate and diligently practice them only to find that even if you do get a date, they don’t call you back for a second one.

You observe a ‘plain looking’ woman surrounded by attentive men and wonder what the heck they see in her and why they are not bothering to give you any attention.

Secretly you would love to have more attention from your partner, never mind other people, but you can’t stand the idea of having to wear ‘sexy’ clothes’ or behave in ways that feel ‘degrading’ in order to elicit desire.

Deep inside, you want to be the one who turns heads, who clearly has enough interest from others that you are the one who picks and chooses, not the other way around.

Being magnetic is natural, yet something that begs to be claimed.

One of the most primal impulses that we have as human beings is the desire to connect with another human being.

This isn’t just a silly teenage behavior or a revelation of a lonely adult, it is a real and powerful mechanism of being a mammal.

And one of the most powerful impulses of mammals is to mate.

It is an instinctual response to nature itself.

Yet we humans (and our cousins the bonobos) understand that there is also something more to coming together than the impulse to propagate the species.

Interesting studies have revealed that all mammals (yes, you included) have what is called an open-circuit nervous system.

This means that we are not islands, but inter-dependent: We are completed by the presence of another mammal, especially one that had bonded with us.

In fact, we are not able to function properly when we are isolated.

So then it makes sense, if connection is so intrinsic to our survival, that we would develop the ability to attract another person.

Only now, attraction has been made into a commodity.

It is what you wear, or how you do your make-up, or what hair-style you have, or what behaviors make you ‘part of the tribe’ that determines your level of attractiveness.

Yet it doesn’t work.

It is false attraction.

What we are doing is projecting the image of what we think is attractive versus actually being attractive!

Remember the scenario above where the ‘plain woman’ is surrounded by men who barely notice your presence?

You wondered what she had that you didn’t as you deemed yourself clearly more attractive than she was?

What she has is MAGNETIC attractiveness.

The kind of attractiveness that isn’t a result of behaviors, postures, or hip outfits.

The kind of attractiveness that is embodied.

It is confident, relaxed, and extremely irresistible.

Whereas false attraction draws to itself unwanted attention and undesirable people, magnetism pulls in what is its match through its powerful magnetic field.

Being and feeling attractive are not a postured behavior, it is a reflection of how we relate to ourselves.

How do we go about generating and maintaining magnetism?

1. Recognize that it is something you are naturally born with, all mammals have the ability to attract.

2. Let go of false ideas about attraction and turn your attention towards what really matters: the quality of who you are.

3. Begin to have a deeper relationship with your own magnetic current. Your current is your aliveness. It is the vibrant pulse that animates every cell in your being, shaped by the condition of your psyche. Therefore, examining your beliefs & definitions is essential to letting go of your false attractiveness & igniting your true magnetic capacity.

4. Explore if there is any part of you that is polarized: on one hand you desire to be irresistibly desirable and on the other, you fear what will happen if you do attract attention.

5. Discover and cultivate more of what ignites you.

No one is attracted to a person who is self-loathing, postured (or false), and needy, yet a turned-on, vibrant, self-adoring and fulfilled woman is hard to ignore.

Magnetism is fascinating.

It adds color to our world and invites us to truly live from the truth that we do not have to DO anything to attract anyone.

When we live a magnetic life, we relax and trust our natural ability to bring into our life everything we desire.

By being relaxed and fulfilled, we become a fascinating mystery, because so few of us actually live like this.

It is the type of attractiveness has longevity.

We do not want to be like a cheap toy, bright & alluring initially, but unable to sustain interest for very long.

We are magnetic and remarkably fascinating creatures who deserve to play in the abundance of beautiful company that reflects back to us the deep worth we hold for ourselves.

To learn more about what it takes to live a magnetic life, I recommend starting with my book. Be sure to like this article, share it, join the Succulence Revolution (sign up on page), & leave your thoughts below in the comment section.

Is Your Lover Indifferent?

5 Revealing Questions That Can Transform Your Sex Life.

Have you found yourself craving touch and intimacy, yet your partner barely responds to your advances?

Perhaps, during sex, he is not very sensual: no kissing, no touching, no eye contact, no foreplay whatsoever?

Maybe he complains after sex, saying he can’t understand why you don’t orgasm when all his past lovers did?

Or post sex, he just turns over and falls asleep or worse, lights a cigarette and refuses to touch you or hold you for a snuggle?

Having an indifferent lover hurts.

It leaves us feeling unmet, raw, and wondering what in the world is wrong with us.

We berate ourselves for not being sexy or skilled enough in bed.

Feeling sexually broken or handicapped, we constantly feel angry while experiencing insane jealousy and suspicion of all other women.

To make matters worse, we are convinced that our inadequate and somehow immature sexuality will never be able to fulfill the needs of a true intimate relationship.

Ultimately, we struggle to fight the rising panic inside us that we will never be sexually met and happy with a partner.

First off, you are not broken and there is nothing wrong with you!

“If there is nothing wrong with me, why do I feel so bad?”

We are raised in a world that has completely misunderstood the vital importance of sexual intimacy.

In this world, sexuality and pleasure are commodities, they are things we ‘do’ to someone or ourselves in order to ‘get’ a certain result.

The porn industry and Disney fairytales of love have sold us the ideal scenario for intimacy.

Therefore, when we are experiencing an indifferent lover, it shatters our illusions of what love/desire needs to look like.

And our default is to blame ourselves for destroying our ‘happily ever after’ fantasy.

The first step in recovering from the death of our romantic ideals is to recognize this as an incredible opportunity to get real.

Getting real is sexy and is a profound relief to our psyche.

What does it mean to get real?

It means recognizing our own insecurities and false ideals along with our projections—the image of love/desire we project onto another person believing it to be real.

It also means having a good look at our current reality and being willing to ask ourself some tough questions.

Here are 5 question that can help you change your sex life:

  • What is really going on here? (Be very specific about your observations)
  • What needs do I have that are not being met in this relationship?
  • What am I honestly bringing as erotic inspiration to this relationship?
  • Am I afraid to be masterful with my pleasure and express myself shamelessly?
  • Why am I choosing to stay in a relationship that feels so unfulfilling and unloving?

Remember, when someone says they are bored sexually, it may have nothing to do with you.

If they claim that all their other lovers were happy while we are not, this could also have nothing to do with us.

Sometimes this just points to the person being overly identified with certain techniques while lacking the skill or desire to attune themselves to our body.

Perhaps it just reveals their sexual insecurity and lack of creativity when it comes to discovering what makes us purr.

Not everyone is willing to take responsibility for creating delicious sexual connections.

Beyond good/bad, right/wrong lives a world of exquisite experiences.

The gift of this experience is to learn about ourselves: what we love and don’t love, what we deeply desire, where we can stand to learn a thing or two, and what is not acceptable without making up stories about ourself!

When we are able to step back from obsessively analyzing our relationship in attempts to make it better, we give ourselves the space to notice what is actually happening.

For some of us, indifferent lovers are a symbol of how we relate to ourselves! They are mirroring where we have forgotten to love ourselves.

For others, indifferent lovers are an opportunity to discover what is truly meaningful and important to us and to hold that as worthy.

It is a chance to champion ourselves as gourmet and to deepen our own self-love and turn-on.

We are precious. Our pleasure is precious.

And anyone who cannot see and uphold that isn’t worth the gift of our sensual self.

Indifferent lovers gift us the amazing opportunity to learn about ourselves and to discover what really matters to us in intimacy.

Courageously let them go with gratitude and bravely continue on your path of unveiling your erotic intelligence.

If you would love to strengthen your capacity for making conscious choices and for attuning yourself to your erotic intelligence, I recommend you start with my book: The Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

Be sure to leave a comment below, so we can continue the discussion together.