Posts

The ABCs That Kill

It’s become an epidemic…

As Western women, we have the power to choose. But so many women – too many women – are choosing not to choose.

They’re bored, overwhelmed or numbed out. They’re moving through life on auto-pilot, favoring safety over freedom. They’re behaving like they don’t matter; like their voices don’t matter; like their choices don’t have an impact.

That’s what cracked my heart open today: realizing the impact of free women who are NOT choosing their sovereignty every day.

There are women in other parts of the world who get stoned, shot at, ostracized or beaten for getting caught doing something as innocent as learning the ABC’s. Their hunger to learn how to read and write is never satiated. They’re made wrong for their desires. They don’t have the freedom to choose what they want.

As Western women, we have the privilege of choice. We have the freedom to learn how to read and write; to love who we love; to travel wherever we wish without a male escort; to wear what we desire; to start our own business or family when we want, if we want to; to do what we want when we want.

Yet there is another set of ABC’s that are killing us. These ABC’s aren’t the ones Malala got shot at by the Taliban for. But they carry their own dangers for us Western Women.

What are the ABC’s I’m referring to?

A = Apathy

B = Brokenness

C = Criticism

APATHY

If we’re not choosing, we’re choosing apathy.

Sure, apathy blocks out the poverty, inequality, abuse and tragedies of the world. But it also suppresses our deep caring and ability to heal. It builds a wall around our own genius so we can never fully access, let alone share, our gifts with the world.

Apathy deadens our senses, our capacity to feel pleasure and desire. We end up as empty shells, moving through life on auto-pilot, choosing safety and apathy over freedom and desire.

Apathy is a cop-out. It’s a way of avoiding the power and privilege that we Western Women have. The biggest danger of apathy is that it kills us before we’re even dead.

BROKENNESS

So many women – too many women – make the mistake of believing they are broken. They buy into the cultural training that they shouldn’t age, they shouldn’t gain weight, that they are too much or not enough, and that at their core, they are bad and wrong.

Women then spend their money on anti-aging products and practices; they invest their energy in diets, exercise regimes and trainings with authorities who supposedly know more than they do on how they should be and what they should do to be a “good” woman.

It is so sad to me that this culture of free women gives away our power to try and fix ourselves.

But the truth is, the more you think you’re anything less than perfect, the more you are wasting your life.

You are not broken. Quit trying to fix yourself.

CRITICISM

Take a moment to consider what your internal dialogue has sounded like over the last few hours.

Did you hear an inner voice saying things like, “I’m so beautiful!” And, “Oh, that croissant was so delicious. I’m so glad I chose to have it with extra butter.” And, “I did such a great job with that presentation. I showed up with confidence and handled their concerns brilliantly.”

Chances are, if you’re like the tens of thousands of women I’ve talked with over the years, your inner voice isn’t that kind. Instead, you may have heard an inner voice making comments like, “Oh my gosh! Is that another age spot?” And, “I can’t believe I ate that croissant. And with extra butter? I’m such a pig.” And, “What are they thinking of me now? I can’t believe I made that mistake with my presentation. I really messed that up.”

We as Western Women kill ourselves with criticism. With comparing ourselves to others and their expectations and judgments of us. We get so lost in the stories our inner unkind voice tells us that we lose sight of what is really important and what really matters to us.

How can you show up and be the greatness you truly are when you’re cutting yourself down with criticism?

‘Cause the truth is, you are great.

You are born to step into your greatness alongside all other great beings.

But if you keep letting Apathy, Brokenness and Criticism be your rulers, you will never know the power and possibilities of your sovereignty. You will never know the joy and pleasure of your freedom.

That’s why I invite you… I DARE you… to ditch those ABC’s and choose another, more empowering set of ABC’s that will change everything. These are the building blocks to a whole different way of living.

The ABCs that will set you free:

A = AWAKEN

B = (EM)BODY

C = CHOOSE

AWAKEN

The freedom that we have as Western Women comes with a responsibility: to awaken to our privilege and USE IT to create the kind of world we desire to live in.

Responsibility does NOT mean obligation, being a martyr, or getting hooked on some savior complex. What it DOES mean is taking responsibility for yourself and your gifts and using them to create more for yourself and for everyone.

Many women make the mistake, too, of thinking that when they awaken they will be overwhelmed with the pain of this world; they will feel all the needs and tugs for their attention; they will drown in the sea of sorrow and burn with rage. Dear one, I get it. Believe me, I really do.

It can be challenging to feel it all, to be with all the pain of this world. Yet you don’t have to remain in the pain or drown in it. Allow it all to crack your heart open to more of your caring, to the depths and beauty of our humanity, and ultimately, to the depth and breadth of your own extraordinariness.

Apathy is living in black and white. Awakening is living in technicolor. What do you really desire?

We can NOT afford to fall asleep. We can NOT afford the costs of apathy.

We also can NOT wait for someone – anyone – else to give us permission to awaken to our power and privileges.

Do not wait for your spouse, your partner, your father, your mother, your governor, or your president to give you permission to awaken from the domestication and trance that we’ve been trained to live by all our lives.

That day, and that permission, will never come. And even if it does, it is worthless until YOU give YOURSELF permission to awaken fully to your daring, desiring self.

No more waiting. It’s time to give yourself permission to AWAKEN.

(EM)BODY

When you embody, you come home to yourself. You stop believing you are broken and need fixing. You inhabit your sovereign ground and claim your right to be here.

How can you ever create what you desire if you’re not embodying your beautiful self and your life?

How can the world show up for you when you’re not showing up for yourself?

You’re either embodying or you’re abandoning yourself. Which will it be?

We need you in your body, loving your body and expressing all the truth and wisdom that lives inside. That is what will change the world.

When you are embodied, you are a force of nature. (Click to Tweet)

Your beauty and grace, your joy and pleasure, and everything else that is YOU is essential. The fullness of you is essential. So bring it on!

CHOOSE

You’re either exercising your freedom to choose – choose your partner, your business, your wardrobe, your lifestyle, your food, your desires – and claiming your power, or you’re not choosing and giving your power away. It’s really that simple and powerful.

Sovereignty is our birthright, but you must choose it.

So many women do not have the capacity to choose. They run the risk of getting killed or imprisoned if they choose to love someone of the same gender or get educated or leave the house without covering their head (let alone their entire body).

Now, I know there are parents out there who say to their children, “Eat what’s on your plate! There are children in Africa who are starving.” They use this truth as a manipulation, a bit of a guilt-trip to get their kids to finish their peas and carrots.

I’m coming from a different place with this; not as a manipulation or a guilt-trip, but rather, a call to action.

Your choices matter.

When you exercise your freedom and CHOOSE to awaken, to embody, and to choose, you take your power back. And when we all stand in our sovereignty, we stand in solidarity with all sisters (and brothers) who don’t have the same privileges we do.This has more impact and momentum than we may ever truly know.

Now is the time, more than ever, to choose what you desire. To stand up for the causes you care about. To show up for yourself and what matters most to you.

If you are with me…

If you’re ready to ditch the ABC’s that are killing you and choose the ABC’s that will set you free, engage with me. Let me hear your voice by posting a comment below. What are you daring to choose today? www.TheDaringProject.com

Why Impeccability Is The New Sexy

The Toltecs have a beautiful definition for impeccability: To be impeccable means to not use words against yourself (self-criticism/self-shaming) or others (criticism/shaming).

Let’s add to that definition our ability to reside, fully, in our own sexual sovereignty.

From this perspective, impeccability creates a clear presence, one that is not weighed down by the burden of maintaining lies or hurtful thoughts about oneself or others.

It allows for clarity of mind, heart and body, where you are free to feel the fullness of your undomesticated erotic genius without having to act out in any particular or pre-determined way.

This allows us to by-pass socially pressured or endorsed (enforced) ways of being a sexual creature such as “all flirting leadings to sex”, “all touch indicates desire for sex”, and “all sexual delights” infers to “please take me now.”

These rather clumsy and juvenile ways of expressing our sexual selves also leads to behaviors that are out of integrity with oneself.

How is it that to be ‘sexually liberated’ we must actually be able to have sex with whomever-whenever? Since when is that an act of liberation?

Then add into the mix alcohol and recreational substances and you have a potent combo of neurotic, shallow and unsatisfying sex.

In fact, in some groups, if a woman’s vagina isn’t readily available to everyone she is considered sexually repressed.

That’s where sexual liberation is actually a facade for sexual ignorance.

It is where we lose sight of the opportunity to feel into the scintillating aliveness that is pulsing between two people.

Why not play and enjoy this sexual tension?

What’s the rush to resolve this tension all about?

What are we afraid of if we don’t ‘take things all the way’?

Impeccability is sexy, deeply so.

It allows all of you to meet all of me.

We can be vulnerable together, open and pure in our dance, free of goals or even the need to control the outcome.

We can enjoy the exquisite unfolding of something utterly profound and magical, without ever having to take our clothes off.

Don’t get me wrong, I love skin to skin connection with the person I choose, I love, I respect and I’m willing to see and be seen by.

But I’m not talking about deep lovemaking or wild, abandoned Eros (although it is included in this discussion).

What I’m speaking of is revolutionary: it is unbridled, pure, erotic innocence leading the way.

Not innocence with ignorance.

But innocence with integrated consciousness.

In other words, innocence with impeccability.

This is where we meet, outside of social pressures, outside of our conditioning, outside of predetermined social constructs… where pure creativity leads the way.

It is where my sexual sovereignty and yours come together to play.

It’s where our omni-orgasmic birthright ignites herself and infuses our moments.

Where even just a breath sends ripples of delight into all the curves and valleys of our being.

Without impeccability, we are left playing with projections and insecurities, becoming beggars in the equation.

Yet… we are all gourmet.

All born into this birthright and responsibility.

How amazing that it gets to be one that is capable of creating tremendously beautiful experiences of profound pleasure along with unshakable integrity.

If delighting in the creative nature of your erotic innocence in combination with being impeccable is something you’d love to learn more about,  you may want to start with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

As always, I would love to hear directly from you. What did you find challenging about this article? Was there anything that inspired you? How do you treat yourself or others, especially with regards to sexuality? Let me know in the comment section below.

To K-Goal or not to K-Goal…

Are Vaginal Apps & The “Skea” Video Game The Future?

As a lover of all things that bring women more pleasure, self-love, and a renewed passion for life, I’m always curious about new fads and tools for sexual empowerment.

There are two new emerging trends have grabbed my attention: the kGoal & the Skea video game.

The kGoal is a small device that a woman inserts in her vagina in order to train her PC muscle (aka the sex muscle). It is linked to her iPhone through an APP that let’s her know how well she is doing while also tracking her progress as the weeks and months go by.

The Skea video game is similar to the kGoal, only it interfaces with a video game called “Alice in Continent” (pardon me?!).

Now upon first look, these ideas are rather exciting! More funky APPs to make our lives more efficient while encouraging us to get much needed exercise for our pelvic floor.

But this is where the magic ends for me.

First of all, this reeks of a purely functional approach to our sexuality, leaving out the essential deeper meaning or purpose of having an erotic nature.

Whenever we do this, we instantly transform our vibrant sensual/sexual self into a commodity or currency.

This degrades our erotic intelligence and moves us further and further away from cultivating our erotic genius—literally alienating ourselves from ourselves.

Secondly, these devices covertly create yet another standard that a woman has to live up to. We are already bombarded with having the “right size & shape” of breasts, waists, hips, thighs, and yes, even labia!

Add to the mix the fact that we have to constantly contend with how much sex is the ‘sexy’ amount to have while juggling all the various styles and combinations of sex a ‘sexually liberated’ woman “should be” versed in.

Never mind that we simultaneously must maintain the success of our careers, families, and friendships.

This leaves us with a massive ‘to do’ list inclusive of “sexy dates” to insure we actually get to do whatever latest and greatest exercise we must do in order to stay with the latest pleasure trends.

Exhausting… and not very sexy.

My biggest pet peeve, however, is with the overtly intellectual and functional approach to female sexuality.

Singular focus on excessively toning one group of muscles (like the PC muscle) can result in the too much pelvic tension which can lead to forming scar tissue or pinching vital ‘pleasure nerves’.

As much as I’d love to celebrate kGoal & the Skea video game as a way to inspire women to take more care of their sensual selves, I fear that it is yet another burden and incomplete program that will leave women frustrated and possibly even anorgasmic!

The inventors of these modern ‘feminine’ devices obviously have great intention, but unfortunately reveal their limited understanding of the complex and profound nature of female sexuality.

As women, the journey to claiming our full sensual/sexual self is precarious and loaded with dogma, memes, and commercialized propaganda.

And although it is essential that we care for our beautiful bodies and sexual organs, doing so at the cost of losing our own intimate connection with ourselves is too high a price to pay.

It’s my desire that we step out of this insipid and limited viewpoint on female sexuality and enter a more profound and inspired relationship with ourselves.

Through regarding our body as an erotically intelligent creature who loves to exercise as well as to deeply melt open and surrender to the beauty of life, we recognize that our sexual self isn’t just another currency to trade with, but a profoundly alive ‘sexual being’.

If reconnecting with your own erotic intelligence is inspiring, I recommend starting with reading by book, The Emergence Of The Sensual Woman.

I value your insights on the evolution of our sensual/sexual selves, so please do leave me your thoughts in the comment section so we can deepen this conversation.

saida_signiture

Erotic Genius:

What Is It And Do We all Have One?

…the gravitational attraction between one naked body and another is but a small reflection of the more ongoing and insistent eros between our body and the earth.”—David Abram

The word Erotic is titillating.

It can make us blush, our hearts beat a little faster, yearn for our lover, or run in the other direction as quickly as possible.

No matter what the case, it is always enlivening, in some form or another.

And that’s the point. Eros, and therefore, the erotic, is at the core of what invigorates life. Without it, it is said the world would be barren.

Yet we live in a world that pretends it isn’t intimately linked to the fabric of life in the most sensual, pleasureful ways imaginable.

Rather we tolerate a world that enslaves our wildness, leaving us with only bland conformity at best and sexploitation-consumerism at worst.

Then add the word Genius into the mix and things gets confusing.

What does our Genius have to do with our Erotic nature?

“In ancient Rome, our genius was [originally] known as the individual instance of a universal (non-specific) divine nature that is present in everyone [and everything]. It was considered to be the guiding spirit of a person. By the time of Augustus, the word began to acquire its secondary meaning of “inspiration, talent.” —Wikipedia

Our Erotic Genius is our guiding essence which is directly linked to enlivening us.

To the external world, it’s perceived and received as a form of our inspiration and talent.

Yet internally, it’s the part of us that irrevocably connects us intimately with life itself.

It’s sole purpose is to fuel us with enough ingenuity, talent and gusto so that we may birth our gifts into the world shamelessly.

And yes, we all possess this unassuming current that is literally giving us both the juice and the guidance to thrive day in and day out.

So why is that that few of us tap into this natural resource, only briefly glimpsing its grace in random ‘Ah-ha’ moments or moments of pleasure so intense all we can do is cry?

What Does It Have To Do With Sex?

Everything. And nothing.

This is where things get interesting.

We are sexual beings, there’s no getting around it, no matter how hard some of us may try.

It doesn’t matter what we look like, how successful we are or not, whether we are partnered or not, whether we love sex or hate it, our Erotic Genius™ cares not for such things.

It is concerned only with keeping us alive and purring, if we will let it.

So let me say this again: You are a sexual being, but you’ve forgotten that.

This means whether or not we ‘do’ something about our sexuality, we still innately are running this life-enhancing current.

Sometimes its turned down to a mere trickle, leaving us imagining that we are numb or dead to pleasure.

Sometimes its turned up so intensely it may feel like our very body cannot sustain the force of such profound pleasure.

And this happens whether or not we engage in the act of sex.

The truth is, when we do consciously engage in the act of sex and allow our own Erotic Genius™ the freedom to lead, we come back home to ourselves.

We reclaim the sacred from the profane.

We reclaim our birthright.

The 5 Levels Of Erotic Genius

Eroticism reveals to us another world, inside this world. The senses become servants of the imagination, and let us see the invisible and hear the inaudible. —Octavio Paz

So what does this mean for us in our day to day lives?

Just as our body, emotions, mind, and spirit have a natural maturity process, so does our sexuality.

There are 5 distinct levels to our the sexual evolution:

Level 1: Erotic Innocence

This is from pre-birth to puberty.

It’s how we discover our body & get oriented to the World. We literally make sense of the World through our sensuality.

This level is influenced by our parents/siblings/caregivers.

Level 2: Erotic Activation

This is puberty.

It’s where we get familiar with the potency of our sexuality and where we are subject to strong hormonal impulses.

At this stage, we’re strongly influenced by friends, media, & our community.

Level 3: Erotic Exploration

This is where we ‘do’ sex.

We start to explore what is possible, what we like and don’t like.

Learning the ‘how-tos’ of sex & relating.

We are influenced by experts, books, & media, “mainstream” accessible sex education.

Level 4: Erotic Expansion

This is where we heal the schism between psyche with our sexuality.

We explore heart-centered, meditative sexuality along with our erotic edges.

We model ourselves with existing ‘matrices’.

In this we are influenced by established ‘alternative’ sex ed. books, teachers & schools.

Level 5: Erotic Wisdom

This is where we are ‘sexual BE-ings’, where our sexuality is no longer confined to genital activation, it becomes cellular.

We experience deep, sexual gnosis.

We become Omni-Orgasmic—activated in full body and by life itself.

Here we are self-generated, self-created, self-validated, and self-referenced.

Integrated Sexuality

Consider each of these levels as necessary as the next, if we miss one, we’ll inevitably return to it in order to cultivate an integrated sexuality.

The problem is when we attempt to abide to a pre-ordained ‘right timing’ for each level, making any reenactment seem ‘out of place’ when done ‘out of schedule’.

Yet these levels are not hierarchical, but dynamic and cyclical. In truth, we born Omni- orgasmic and our life journey is about returning to this inherent state while enjoying exploring the gifts of each level from new-found perspectives.

In a World where the erotic is pre-fabricated, pre-packaged, and pre-determined, where there’s disturbingly no time given to cultivating our relationship with this aspect of ourselves, we find little recognition of the true nature of Eros as a liaison between our biology and the Earth herself.

Now, more than any other time in history, our evolutionary journey is in our hands.

Each step we take, we have the choice to listen to and align with our innate Erotic Genius.

This is not an act of frivolousness, but a revolutionary act of courage wherein we each ignite ourselves and live true to our full potential, discovering the profound wisdom that lives within our erotic nature.

If you’d love to explore your own inborn Erotic Genius, I recommend starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman

I would love to hear from you, so please leave me your comments below. If you enjoyed this article, please like, share it, & be sure to join the Succulence Revolution (you’ll see the sign-up boxes).

Sexual Sovereignty?

Is It The Next Step In Our Sexual Evolution?

Deep inside yourself, you can feel it.

It can be the softest whisper or as powerful as newly unleashed lava.

However you sense it, your sexual evolution is happening right now. 

Even if you don’t believe in it or you feel trapped, lost, or simply bored out of your mind, within you is a force that will not be stopped.

It wakes you at night, it titillates you in random moments, and it catches you when you least expect it.

This is the fragrance of your sexual sovereignty.

These very words, when uttered aloud, can evoke curiosity, relief, and at times, confusion.

What is sexual sovereignty and could it possibly be part of our sexual evolution?

Whether or not we want to admit it, we are evolving sexually.

It may not look that way when we see how extensively we have converted sexuality into a commodity and how far away we have come from truly understanding this powerful human force.

Furthermore, the prevalence of world-wide sexual trauma and abuse hardly inspires us to grasp our own transformation.

Yet beneath all the turmoil and multi-trillion dollar pirating of our sexuality, there is a quiet evolution blossoming.

The root of the word evolution contains within it the idea of unfolding or development.

Therefore, sexual evolution is the natural unfolding or development of sexuality.

If we take this to heart and apply it to an individual, we can see that that each one of us has the potential for a deep unfolding or unveiling of our erotic nature.

It is equally important to note that today’s version of evolutionary sexuality has less to do with cryptic rituals, initiations, or highly specialized sexual postures and techniques and has more to do with accessing something deep within each of us.

This is where sexual sovereignty comes in.

It is the forgotten element of our nature that is often over-shadowed by our fixation on our pain, disappointment, regret, or what is commonly known as our sexual ‘wound-ology’—the focus on our sexual pain and trauma to the point of identifying ourselves with it.

Sexual sovereignty is the natural unfolding of our own erotic wisdom, including the concept of being a fully emotionally and sexually expressed adult.

What it’s not:

Sexual sovereignty isn’t an pre-determined idea or a posture we can assume.

Nor is it something we can bargain for, get from someone, lose to someone, or even purchase.

What it is:

Sexual sovereignty is what occurs when we begin to excavate the riches of our being, the gifts that have yet to be birthed, what has yet to be touched or even acknowledged, without the interference or influence of the external world while being in harmony with our deep erotic wisdom.

By fully claiming our sexuality and commanding an embodied authority of this aspect of our life, our sexuality frees itself from being ruled or formed by external opinions or behaviors, and instead, becomes self-validated, self-reflective and self-actualizing.

Key questions to reveal your sexual sovereignty:

1. Are you identified with your sexual trauma or abuse? If yes, are you willing to begin to explore that who you are is greater than the sum of that experience?

2. Have you spent time concentrating on what your ‘un-born’ or ‘un-expressed’ gifts may be? If not, why not?

3. Are you willing to explore, understand, and transform your past sexual imprints and begin to explore the possibility of self-defining your sensuality and sexuality?

It’s important to note that sexual sovereignty is a natural state of being which is inclusive of both our emotional/psychological self and our erotic intelligence.

It is our inherent sensuality that possess sexual clarity, integrity, and full expression along with emotional depth and responsibility.

As we face some of our biggest evolutionary choices—choices that will determine whether our species continues to thrive and prosper—affirming our own sexual sovereignty becomes an essential part to our contribution to planetary change.

If the concept of sexual sovereignty is something you would like to make into reality, I recommend starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

If you enjoyed this article, please likeshare it, join the Succulence Revolution (sign up on that page), & leave your thoughts below in the comment section.