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Gurus Aren’t Gods

Sexual Abuse in the [Un]Conscious Sexuality Movement

More and more gurus are being called out for their sexual abuse and sexual misconduct.

This is not actually surprising. What is surprising, however, is that we are repeatedly surprised by this fact.

There’s something important about this behavior to point out because the most obvious path is to blame the gurus or men in positions of power and forget that it takes two to tango.

There are no victims here, not really.

Naiveté is no longer a free ticket to making bad choices and pointing our finger at our abuser.

If we are adult enough to make choices, especially around sexuality, then we are adult enough to be responsible for the outcome of our choices, even when we are unsure of ourselves or new at an endeavor.

I’d like to propose that there’s something else, other than just the obvious abuser/victim cycle, at work here.

However, before I dive into why hijacked desires are a detriment to all involved, I do want to take a moment to point out the obvious:

A Sexual Guru Isn’t Not A God, He/She is Human

There is a need for people to learn about their sexuality and sexual energy. It’s part of our erotic evolution to seek out teachers and guides in this area, yet there are no real standards in place for these teachers/teachings.

Somehow, for many decades (if not longer) no one has ever questioned the authority of these sexual guru figures.

Or if someone did question them, their voice was never translated for the rest of us to benefit from.

Personally, I started my journey with a wide open heart and a deep desire to learn the arts of conscious sexuality. As a young woman, I viewed advanced Taoist and Tantric practitioners with a sort of reverence reserved for the gods of ancient Greece.

Very quickly, however, I got to see how ‘unconscious’ the conscious sexuality movement actually was:

Story 1: Men surrounding me at a Tantra evening, calling me a Goddess and saying all sorts of ‘formula’ phrases designed to make my female ego throb with desire. All it did was freak me out. And worse, they would NOT let me out of their circle. I had to force myself out between two bodies and literally run away. So much for being adored as a ‘Goddess’.

Story 2: My first teacher seduced me with ideas of ‘higher teachings and special initiations’. Because of my need to be seen and feel special, I bought into his ideas. They involved having sex with him. It was pretty lame sex and I never felt the promised ‘orgasm that takes me to God’. To be honest, I felt more with my own hand in the quiet of the night.

Story 3: As a teacher myself, I was confronted, over and over again, by mothers whose daughters had fallen for the ‘sex teacher’. When I approached the founders and leaders of my community, I was told that I didn’t understand because I was married!!! What?! I retorted that even as a single woman teaching the work, I had never looked to my students for my sexual and relational needs, so why would male teachers be exempt of this? Are we not here to serve our students to learn, grow, and evolve? Obviously not, it’s more like having easy access to a lot of willing sexual partners.

The list odd stories is endless.

I’m sure this has been going on for as long as there have been sexuality teachers. What’s surprising is how few of us seem to go into these communities armed with this knowledge.

I’ll tell you why this is so:

  1. We have our own agendas that we want met. We are blind to what is obvious and see only our own projections rather than the truth.
  2. Living by ideals and not reality. We all have a fantasy of the perfect situation, with the perfect teacher, and the perfect outcome, but the truth is that this is rarely the case and we’d be served to notice the truth of a situation instead of insisting on pushing our ideals.
  3. We assume that anything ‘Eastern’ is holy and impeccable. This is absolutely ridiculous. Humans are humans. They have needs. If we cannot see this, then we are intentionally sticking our heads in the sand.
  4. Young women are especially vulnerable. We are resolving our daddy issues, we want to be special and unique, we want to be Goddesses (especially sex Goddesses), we believe that we need a teacher to unlock our potential, and so forth. You get the picture. We do not teach young people about the right to say what happens with their bodies—what I call Sexual Sovereignty. Because of this, they simply don’t know any better and with that comes risk.
  5. Drive-Thru Sexuality Practices. This is at the crux of most of the issues in this industry. What is known and out there is actually of very poor quality. It has been left unchallenged for far too long and diluted more and more as the information gets shared wider and wider. The truth of the practices is that they have long been exchanged as an excuse to resolve sexual tension and insecurities.

Fairly early on in my journey, it became very clear to me that the information that was available as ‘alternative or conscious’ sexuality practices was more of a joke.  Many times were led by sexual predators and/or sexual addicts.

A large number of people seek alternative sexuality education as a way to initiate their own sexual healing. Some of these individuals teach. In truth, they decided that they were qualified to lead and teach, yet have only managed to grow their neurotic relationship with sexuality and propagate more trauma.

This issue is compounded by ‘hijacked’ desires.

We want what we want no matter the cost,
even the cost of our own integrity

The desire to evolve sexually is honest and real.

The desire to do this no matter what the cost, is BS.

We live in a world that has made a currency out of our sexuality for so long we’ve no clue what it actually means to be a sexual being.

Add sexual repression and layers of dissatisfaction and sexual shame, and we have the perfect climate for an unconscious ‘conscious sexuality’ movement.

Transforming Lead To Gold – Awakening Consciousness
In the Conscious Sexuality Movement

Judging something to be right or wrong only serves to separate ourselves further from it, but it doesn’t actually make the issue go away. This means that instead of judging people and their choices, practitioner or participant, we’d be better off learning from what we are witnessing and using that learning to create deeper, more meaningful experiences.

If we want to actually contribute to bringing more consciousness into sexuality, then we need to hone our discernment while we ditch our judgements.

Discernment is the ability to see the truth and to act in alignment with it without having to make something good/bad or right/wrong. Discernment empowers aligned action, which deepens our self-trust and personal impeccability.

Seven Crucial Aspects of Transformation

  1. We get to own that we desire to grow sexually and sensually. This is a true and honest calling.
  2. We get to also own that we feel incomplete and that we are seeking something or someone to reassure us that we are okay.
  3. To speak out, to question, to challenge authority is crucial, especially in the field of sexuality. Although this can lead to being ostracized, shunned, we must be willing to risk ‘not being liked or approved of’ if we are to take a stand for our own sexual sovereignty.
  4. We must understand that there are literally ZERO standards in the [un]conscious sexuality movement and that we must exercise discernment to the utmost degree.
  5. If you want to know the truth of a teacher, look at their life: How do they live? Are they single or partnered? If they are in a relationship, is it successful? [Many people have a public persona, but what happens when no one is looking is a different matter all together.] Do they have their own method or are they proposing they are following a lineage? How long have they practiced? Who did they learn from, and more importantly, how did they take the information and embody it? Do they believe you need them to grow and evolve? Are they insisting on teaching you through having sex with you? (FYI: The most inadequate teachers require this form of contact. Very high level practitioners would never request this of you NOR would they need such an exchange to transmit their understanding of the deeper wisdom to you).
  6. Have you already experienced abuse? If you have, where are you in your reclamation of your sovereign space? You have the right to feel all the feelings you are moving through, there’s no need to be anything other than who you are in this moment and to learn from what happened so that you are able to choose differently in the future.
  7. Call out those who are out of integrity. It’s important not to collude with the group. If something is off inside the group or with the leader of the group, call them on it. It will not feel nice to do this, but it’s worse to stay silent. If you aren’t ready to do this for yourself, then do it in defense of others.

A New Paradigm For Sexuality

Sexuality isn’t just the act of sex, or more specifically, the act of intercourse.

For more than two decades, I’ve been inviting people to consider the idea that they are sexual beings, not sexual ‘doings’ and inviting them to explore what that means for them personally. This idea can be profoundly challenging as it goes against the ideals and assumptions of society, yet it’s worthy of contemplation.

Being able to define something for ourselves is also invaluable on this journey along with the ability to understand that we were born erotically intact and intelligent.

We are standing at a crucial moment in human history and evolution, a moment where we no longer can afford to be unconscious, where we must ‘grow up’ emotionally and sexually and from this new vantage point, create the world we’d love to live in.

Gurus, old ideals, and ongoing, recurring human behavior are being upgraded, whether we partake willingly or not. Either way, through choice or pain, we will grow. How we go through this growth phase is determined by the choices each of us makes in the micro-moments of life.

It’s time to put sexuality in its rightful place: a natural, sovereign, integral part of being a human being.

This birthright comes with responsibilities. If we want deeper, more intense and alive sexuality, then we must equally be willing to take greater and more thorough responsibility for our choices—from birth control to saying yes or no—and owning the consequences of those choices as a sexually sovereign adult.

If this article speaks to you, we’d love to hear your thoughts (feel free to leave them in the comments below) and have you share it with your community. Come over to TheDaringProject.com  to deepen the discussion and we’ll gift you a free 30-day trial.

Jade Egg Mastery – It’s Not Just About How Much Weight You Can Lift

Are you curious about the Jade Egg practice?

Have you wondered what it’s all about or how to actually, step-by-step learn how to masterfully use a Jade Egg?

Maybe you’ve heard that the Jade Egg can transform all of your emotional wounds and sexual inhibitions, leaving you with lasting sexual confidence?

Or perhaps you’ve been seduced into believing that having a ‘super-pussy’ through lifting weights with your vagina will ensure better orgasms and keep your lover loyal?

Or believe that through the power of your vagina alone you’ll able to control your man’s ejaculation?

If any of these apply to you, then you are part of the emerging mass interest in the Jade Egg practice.

This means you’ve also been absorbing the wide-spread, inappropriate instruction about the jade Egg along with many other false promises and potentially harmful practices.

But don’t worry, this isn’t your fault.

In fact, it’s rather a common phenomena when a deep ancient practice is introduced to our give-me-a-quick-solution modern society: there will always be a loss of integrity and depth.

Over the past 20 years of personal and professional practice, I’ve experienced a profound evolution in my own understanding of the Jade Egg practice and it’s impact on women.

In fact, not only did I learn what worked and didn’t work through receiving direct feedback of from tens of thousands of women world-wide, but I also did a pilot study examining and measuring the effects of the Jade Egg practice on the psycho-sexual health of women for my PhD dissertation.

The results of my study in combination with considering the latest, cutting-edge scientific research on sexuality resulted in a major overhaul of the original teachings so that they could better suit the true needs of modern women and lead to lasting, life-long results.

A key insight that emerged, one that lies at the foundation of my method, is that we are psycho-sexual beings and deserve to ignite the totality of our sensual/sexual nature, not just be obsessed with ‘vagina power’ alone.

We are not just our genitals, our sexuality and sensuality includes the totality of who we are.

Your sexuality and sensuality not a currency or commodity meant to be used in exchange of whatever it is you desire more of in your life.

It is your birthright. A natural, powerful, life-giving part of who you innately are as woman.

To attempt to squeeze the vastness of your femininity into the tiny box of ‘goal-oriented’ techniques and ideals is to impoverish your experience of your own pleasure.

To limit your sexuality to how much weight you can lift with your vagina or how many vaginal tricks you can do is like saying that to drive a car all you need to do is push or turn all the buttons and dials on your dashboard.

It’s sensationalist and immature.

The good news is, more and more of women are waking up and coming back home to themselves, discerning the gold from the hype, and claiming for themselves the living wisdom of their beautiful body.

If you’d love to learn more about how to master the Jade Egg practice, ignite your own unique erotic intelligence and to cultivate wholeness and profound sexual vitality and pleasure, you may want to check out my current invitation to do a LIVE intensive with me: CLICK TO DISCOVER MORE ABOUT JADE EGG MASTERY

 

 

Delicious Tip: Sensual Pelvis

Would you like to unlock more of your libido?

For this month’s delicious tip, I will share with you a fun way of unleashing more aliveness in your body!

In fact, when this exercise was given to seniors, it was found that after only 1 week of practice, the seniors reported a renewed vigor and turn-on!!

Plus, it’s super fun to do! In fact, I encourage you to really get creative with this one!

Unleash the delicious energy of your pelvis.

This will awaken your digestion, pelvis, genitals, lower back and give you more pleasure during sex, childbirth, and life in general.

If this video was fun for you, please like it, share it and let me know what happened as you explored this month’s tip on your sensual pelvis.

Note: All comments left below are hosted on my site, not on YouTube.

saida_signiture

Delicious Tip: The Secret of Smiling

For some of us, June is the month to celebrate our Father and fatherhood in general.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

Just as last month we looked at our relationship with our mother, this month is all about the imprint we received from the masculine from our father or a father-figure in our life.

One thing I’ve learned from my father, aside from having awesome boundaries and inspired- action, is the ability to enjoy other people.

For this month’s delicious tip, I want to explore how the simple act of smiling can not only transform our own bio-chemistry (for the better), but also transform our experience of the World.

In fact, I challenge you to become a smile-collector! (It’s part of the Art of Conscious Flirting!)

If you enjoyed this video, please like it, share it, and in the comment section below, let me know how many smiles you are collecting!

 

Sexual Sovereignty?

Is It The Next Step In Our Sexual Evolution?

Deep inside yourself, you can feel it.

It can be the softest whisper or as powerful as newly unleashed lava.

However you sense it, your sexual evolution is happening right now. 

Even if you don’t believe in it or you feel trapped, lost, or simply bored out of your mind, within you is a force that will not be stopped.

It wakes you at night, it titillates you in random moments, and it catches you when you least expect it.

This is the fragrance of your sexual sovereignty.

These very words, when uttered aloud, can evoke curiosity, relief, and at times, confusion.

What is sexual sovereignty and could it possibly be part of our sexual evolution?

Whether or not we want to admit it, we are evolving sexually.

It may not look that way when we see how extensively we have converted sexuality into a commodity and how far away we have come from truly understanding this powerful human force.

Furthermore, the prevalence of world-wide sexual trauma and abuse hardly inspires us to grasp our own transformation.

Yet beneath all the turmoil and multi-trillion dollar pirating of our sexuality, there is a quiet evolution blossoming.

The root of the word evolution contains within it the idea of unfolding or development.

Therefore, sexual evolution is the natural unfolding or development of sexuality.

If we take this to heart and apply it to an individual, we can see that that each one of us has the potential for a deep unfolding or unveiling of our erotic nature.

It is equally important to note that today’s version of evolutionary sexuality has less to do with cryptic rituals, initiations, or highly specialized sexual postures and techniques and has more to do with accessing something deep within each of us.

This is where sexual sovereignty comes in.

It is the forgotten element of our nature that is often over-shadowed by our fixation on our pain, disappointment, regret, or what is commonly known as our sexual ‘wound-ology’—the focus on our sexual pain and trauma to the point of identifying ourselves with it.

Sexual sovereignty is the natural unfolding of our own erotic wisdom, including the concept of being a fully emotionally and sexually expressed adult.

What it’s not:

Sexual sovereignty isn’t an pre-determined idea or a posture we can assume.

Nor is it something we can bargain for, get from someone, lose to someone, or even purchase.

What it is:

Sexual sovereignty is what occurs when we begin to excavate the riches of our being, the gifts that have yet to be birthed, what has yet to be touched or even acknowledged, without the interference or influence of the external world while being in harmony with our deep erotic wisdom.

By fully claiming our sexuality and commanding an embodied authority of this aspect of our life, our sexuality frees itself from being ruled or formed by external opinions or behaviors, and instead, becomes self-validated, self-reflective and self-actualizing.

Key questions to reveal your sexual sovereignty:

1. Are you identified with your sexual trauma or abuse? If yes, are you willing to begin to explore that who you are is greater than the sum of that experience?

2. Have you spent time concentrating on what your ‘un-born’ or ‘un-expressed’ gifts may be? If not, why not?

3. Are you willing to explore, understand, and transform your past sexual imprints and begin to explore the possibility of self-defining your sensuality and sexuality?

It’s important to note that sexual sovereignty is a natural state of being which is inclusive of both our emotional/psychological self and our erotic intelligence.

It is our inherent sensuality that possess sexual clarity, integrity, and full expression along with emotional depth and responsibility.

As we face some of our biggest evolutionary choices—choices that will determine whether our species continues to thrive and prosper—affirming our own sexual sovereignty becomes an essential part to our contribution to planetary change.

If the concept of sexual sovereignty is something you would like to make into reality, I recommend starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

If you enjoyed this article, please likeshare it, join the Succulence Revolution (sign up on that page), & leave your thoughts below in the comment section.

Exhausting Periods?

Challenging 5 Common Myths About Your Cycle.

Have you ever contemplated why you feel so tired during your period?

Perhaps you don’t feel tired, but the women around you always remark about how tired they feel around their menstrual cycle?

Maybe you read about how women can learn to actually stop their menses through specific practices and you wondered about whether or not that was a good idea?

It could be that you also wondered if somehow your period was a time for detoxing?

Or, you heard that if you don’t bleed on the new moon, there is something out of whack with your Femininity?

Myths about our menstrual cycle are so prevalent these days that it is hard to decipher fact from fiction.

In fact, their very existence can create a variety of neuroses that can evolve into female health challenges.

Five Unchallenged & Common Myths:

1. Women lose energy during their menses.

This is an interesting myth because it is a learned idea. Unless you are the rare woman that actually is exhausted during her period, this myth simply isn’t true.

Yet because we ‘believe it to be true’, we behave accordingly, blaming our period for our exhaustion versus our own lifestyle choices.

On the level of our body and psyche, the menstrual phase of our cycle is a natural ‘reset and rest’ time. It is a time for us to enjoy going inward, to attune ourselves to what is working and not working in our lives, and to part-take in nourishing activities.

As for blood loss, unless we are excessively bleeding, the amount of blood loss is not enough to equate fatigue. We lose, on average, 35ml of blood with our menses, yet donating blood, on average, we give more than 10x the amount of blood (450ml)!

Furthermore, in the West, we often attribute slowing down and being still with being tired or sleepy.

But these are unrelated states.

What is important here is to note that we have a strong ‘meme’ (a mental virus propagated as truth) interplaying with poor life-style habits.

Reset: Our menses is a time to go inward, to contemplate, to slow down, to reset and realign ourselves to what is most important in our lives.

When we slow down, if we are tired, we let ourselves enjoy relaxing and rejuvenating ourselves with plenty of rest.

2. Our kidneys are adversely affected by the menses.

What is actually meant here is a statement on our adrenal health, not so much our kidney health. This confusion comes from attempting to translate an Eastern concept (kidney health) into a Western paradigm (adrenal health).

Furthermore, this meme is backwards—It is the exhaustion or depletion of our adrenals that adversely affects our menstrual cycle, not the reverse.

However, it is common that in the natural ‘rest and reset’ time of the actual menses, we experience greater awareness of our adrenals and their imbalances.

What fatigues our adrenals? Stress, of all kinds.

When the adrenals are in stress cycle, they no longer can support producing our healthy hormones in a balanced way.

This can lead to issues such as estrogen dominance which is linked to the experience of PMS, fibroids, endometriosis and irregular menstrual cycles, just to name a few.

Reset:

By having a good look at our life-style, we can begin to make some positive changes towards enjoying more down time and practicing being quiet more regularly.

Many women report a positive change in their cycles simply by regaining their adrenal health.

3. The Taoist premise that encourages early menopause (cessation of the menses).

This premise is widely propagated through different texts that state that a woman loses her JING when she menstruates, therefore leading to the assumption that in order to stay young and healthy, we must prevent the loss of our JING as much as possible.

Again, here we have the difficulty of translating an ancient concept with modern medicine. In a very simplistic way, the concept of JING can be loosely related to adrenal health.

As we already noted, life-style is the main culprit to eroding adrenal health and I have found this to be true in regards to women’s health issues.

What is more draining than our actual menses is our lack of introspection and emotional responsibility.

PMS, in my experience, can be diminished or eliminated by having the willingness to examine ourselves more deeply and to take ownership of our choices and of our shaping our lives into one that is supportive of our natural, rhythmic, womanly cycle.

Reset:

Menstruation is natural.

Our environment, our life-style and our psychological well-being all play a big part in how we experience our cycle.

When we begin to live more in harmony with our own cycles, we return to our optimum state of vibrant womanly health.

4. Our menses is a natural detox program.

Here is another interesting meme that implies that we are somehow ‘dirty’ and must be ‘cleansed’ once per month.

Yet, menstruation is one of the four natural expressions of fertility cycle.

For this one, I want to jump immediately into the reset.

Reset:

As mentioned in #3, we could do well by owning ourselves emotionally.

Often we do use our uterus as a sort of psychic garbage can.

However, I have noticed that women who honestly begin to use the PMS/menstrual time of their cycle as a time to blossom in their emotional maturity, their menstrual pain diminished or ceases all together.

Of course, there are ways to exercise, eat, and supplement our lives that equally support the transformation of living in harmony with our feminine rhythm.

5. If we don’t bleed on the new moon, we are out of sync with our Femininity.

This meme is very harmful because not all women menstruate on the dark moon and this does not, by default, prove that they are out of sync with their Femininity.

In fact, women who follow the recommended protocol to bleed on the new moon may be doing everything right and still not bleed at the ‘right time of the month’.

Reset:

If your cycle is healthy and you feel attuned with yourself, then whenever you bleed is perfect.

We must let go of forcing ourselves to live according to external constructs and instead start to live according to what is true for our own unique self.

When it comes to our own deep Feminine wisdom, nothing replaces attuning ourselves with ourselves and being willing to challenge and question everything that we believe to  be true about what it means to be a woman in modern times.

This is a true and courageous act of claiming and living according to our embodied wisdom.

If you would love to understand your own inner wisdom, check out my book.

If you enjoyed this article, please like it, share it, and leave your comments below so we can continue to unveil our own truths about what it means to be a healthy woman.