Delicious Tip: Transform Self-Loathing and Envy

Hello Gorgeous!
Did you know that your perception of others, your judgments of others, is actually a reflection of how you see yourself?

​​​This months delicious tip explores how to transform our self-loathing and envy of others into more self-delight and self-love.

​I know this can be a sensitive subject, yet there is nothing more liberating than transforming the heaviness of self-criticism into the invigorating inspiration of self-recognition.

And the best part? I use a playful game to do this… no seriousness here!

If this video​ inspired you​, ​​ ​please share it and leave me your insights in the comments section.

​In the spirit of deep self-love,



Is Media Harming Your Sex Life?

Every once in a while, the Media releases yet another ‘study’ that ‘proves’ that women do not have G-spots, causing this information to spread like wild-fire and creating a ripple-effect that has negative impact on a woman’s psycho-sexual well-being.

The article released by Mail Online titled “The Vaginal Orgasm Doesn’t Exist – It’s The Clitoris That Holds The Key To Female Pleasure” is one such article.

The title alone reveals that the author, and quite possibly the researchers, have limited understanding of the vastness of the pleasure system within a woman’s pelvis and body.

Evidently (and sadly) they are unaware that the pudendal nerve is accompanied by many other powerfully orgasmic nerves in our body such as our pelvic, vagus and hypogastric nerve pathways, just to name a few.

Not to mention the amazing erotic power of our own mind!

To say that the size of a woman’s clitoris determines her ability to achieve orgasm is like saying that the size of a man’s penis determines whether or not he can ejaculate

One of the failures of these types of studies, statements, and articles is that they focus almost entirely on the functional (and limited) model of sexuality with no mention of its counterpart, the meaning model of sexuality—which brings into light how powerfully interwoven our female desire is with the state of our mind and emotions.

Any grounded and well-versed sexologist knows that female desire and pleasure is a rich and complex world and not one that can be solved by a magic technique (although some techniques can definitely support a woman to explore and expand her pleasure).

Back in early 2008, I was completing my dissertation on looking at the effects of the Jade Egg on a woman’s psycho-sexual health, when a similar article was let loose into mainstream media.

I heard about it while teaching a live event when a woman waved a print out of the article and cried out, “I knew I didn’t have a g-spot! It says right here that scientists have now proven that not all women have one.”

I remember asking what they would say if an article came out stating that not all men have prostate glands. Most of them answered that it was ridiculous to say that, obviously feeling more confident about their knowledge on male sexual anatomy, than their own.

Upon deeper investigation of this article I found it was linked to a Doctor in Italy who specialized in male sexuality and had attempted his first female study.

The structure of the study was obviously incorrect from the get go, it was never peer-reviewed or approved, yet it was nonetheless released to the media.

What horrified me was noticing that such a bogus study could be quoted by mainstream media as the ultimate truth, without any regard for its impact on the millions of women who are influenced by it’s misleading assumptions.

To blatantly state that women worldwide do not experience vaginal orgasm and therefore proving the theory that the clitoris is the main source of pleasure for women is arrogant and dangerous.

It doesn’t take into consideration what most neurologists already know: each woman has a different erotic fingerprint. For some women it is obviously the clitoris, yet for others it’s the vagina, perineum or anus!

Furthermore, daily survival issues, abuse, and lack of sensual and sexual education as well as lack of leisure time to explore and relax into their own desires all contribute in the current state of women’s pleasure worldwide.

That said, it’s only in very recent times that we’ve come to recognize that we must include both the ‘how to’s’ and the ‘deeper meaning of sex’ in our description and understanding of female eros.

This broader viewpoint, which is inclusive of both our physical anatomy along with our state of being, has helped shift the definition of female sexuality from being one of purely birthing rights to being one where women are recognized as sexually intelligent beings.

The good news in all of this? Female pleasure and sexuality remains a constant source of fascination and mystery, and it is up to each one of us to return our attention to our own body—she doesn’t need any scientific validation of her unique pleasure abilities.

We cannot stop the media from blowing things out of proportion since these things traditionally attract a lot of attention.

However, we can make the choice to be discerning. To recognize pseudo-truths and weigh them against our own inner knowing: That we are literally unlimited in our pleasure potential.

If breaking free from restrictive and limiting beliefs and definitions about your pleasure and sexuality is something you are curious about, then my book the Emergence of the Sensual Woman – Awakening Our Erotic Innocence is a fantastic place to start.

Now it’s your turn! I want to hear how such articles impact you and how you go about trusting your own deep erotic wisdom. Leave me your thoughts below so we can continue the conversation.


Wild Woman’s Wisdom – 5 Principles To Live By

I recently had the pleasure of joining a world renowned animal communicator on what’s considered by most African wilderness guides and game wardens an experience far too dangerous to be considered a sane option.

Myself, a small crew of 6 other people, along with 2 wilderness guides and Anna the animal communicator, gathered at the end of the South African winter to trek, on foot, carrying only sleeping mats, sleeping bag, and the food we’d need for our adventure.

Before we even started on the journey, however, we had to come to an agreement that we were about to enter one of the most predator rich areas in the World… on foot. And to recognize this place is home to thousands of different creatures.

This is where the first of the Wild Wisdom Principles was shared: Spaciousness & Respect.

We were not allowed to enter the wilderness until we were clear that we were entering with the same respect and awareness we’d have entering a stranger’s home. Our Zulu guide shared that wild animals all have spaciousness agreements with each other, they know and respect each other’s space.

Initially, we entered carrying all of our own ‘inner baggage’—a dialogue that is ceaseless and mostly disconnected from our immediate surrounding and experience. This inner noise is heard by all sentient beings in the wilderness as though we were blasting hip hop on an old school boom box.

We also entered with our own unique fingerprint, our undeniable presence. Not the persona we project out into the world, but the TRUE being we are inside. In fact, one cannot hide out here. Every fear, every judgement, every everything is instantaneously transmitted out loud and clear.

This is why it’s essential to walk in silence (no talking), but to also silence our inner talk.

As each day progressed, I grew more and more still… and miraculously the life around me reflected back to me my very state of being.

Birds flew right up to me, curious and unafraid, a white rhino mother and her baby came within 20 feet of our group, giraffes, elephants, buffalo, all grew more and more relaxed and accepting of our presence in their home.

Observing how the animals danced with each other was remarkable. So many different species co-existing peacefully, all living with the honor code of spaciousness and respect.

Too bad humans haven’t figured that out yet.


As the days progressed, I noticed that I didn’t need as much sleep or food. I felt enlivened by the bush itself, as though I was finally dialed into its life-giving current.

And I loved my night watches. We’d all take turned watching by a little fire, every 10 minutes making the rounds with a flashlight and keeping time by the movement of the stars (since no one had a phone or watch).

I loved these moments alone, under the stars, listening to the deep calls of lions and the higher-pitched yips of the hyenas.

I felt at home here, even though it was potentially one of the most dangerous places I’d ever been (we just slept under the stars, no tents, no lodges, just our mats and the freshness of the night).

My main challenge, to be honest, was the complete change to my diet. By the 3rd night, I had a headache growing and normally, if allowed to go without a neck massage and/or headache medication, I’d have a full blown headache that meant a sleepless night.

But this time, instead of getting stressed about my headache, I just touched my body and said to her in full certainty: I trust you to figure this out and come back into balance.

I woke up exceptionally refreshed and headache free!

This is when I realized the 2nd wild wisdom principle: TRUST your body.

We say we trust our body, but we don’t, not really.

We get angry or annoyed when she doesn’t behave in the ways we want her to. We attempt to listen and then coerce her into getting better, but the underlying message is that we actually feel betrayed or let-down by her imbalanced state.

Yet I found the genuine TRUST in my body not only alleviated the imbalance, but it also made me healthier and stronger than before!

What a gift!

We all have an magnificent body, all she needs is to feel her immediate connection to the fabric of life and our unshakeable trust in her ability to thrive in this world.

This brings me to the 3rd wild wisdom principle: We are intimately connected with life.

That sounds a bit cheesy, but the truth of it changed me in profound ways.

For one, I can never actually be alone. Not possible. I’m literally being INFUSED by life itself in every moment of my existence.

And I’m not an island! I’m intimately linked to every sentient being on this planet, whether I like it or not, every creature FEELS and responds to me, not the personality me, but the real me. The person I am when I think no one is looking or listening.

I loved and love this intimacy, this exquisite knowing that we are in each other and how precious that is and how much respect that requires.

I had a very special moment on the trek, where I put out a gentle request, if it were pleasing to the elephant, that she/he allow us to see them.

And then, the elephant came. To our camp. And I had a moment where he looked directly at me and our eyes locked as I felt my heart sing an ancient song.

Anna, the animal communicator, said she had wondered what he had been looking at since the rest of the group had been down by the river swimming, yet his gaze was on the bank, where I was having a private moment alone.

Another wild wisdom principle that became exceptionally obvious was: Stop, Look, Respond.

This may sound pretty basic, yet for most of us, when someone oversteps into our space (disrespects our spaciousness), we almost instantaneously react.

But animals don’t react instantly.

Instead, they stop what they are doing and tune in. Then they look around for a visual confirmation to what they are sensing. And then they respond. This means that even if a lion is near the impala, the impala may not run just because it’s a lion. They will only run if they sense it’s a hungry, hunting lion.

Our true intentions are always known by those sentient beings all around us.

In fact, we had a moment where our guide and anna had whispered the IDEA of moving in a certain direction and suddenly the birds from that direction flew up and sent out a warning call that woke up the rhino we’d come across.

Because we were so still, the rhino was confused about the birds’ warning and did not move away, but remained alert.

We silently and peacefully left him to his space.

The 5th wild wisdom principle: nothing that appears in our life is haphazard.

This one I learned within the first moments of beginning our trek into the wilderness.

I felt drawn to a tree like a bee to honey. I touched its bark and thanked her for her beauty and asked permission to enter the realm of the wild.

Our guide, Peter, took note of that occurrence.

Later in our hike, I noticed him pulling leaves off another similar looking tree.

In the evening, he shared with me that the tree I went to is renowned for healing any belly issues, constipation, diarrhea, menstrual cramps, etc. and that he thought it curious since I had mentioned earlier on that I had stomach sensitivities and needed some help.

He boiled some water and we steeped the leaves and scraped some of the bark into the water. We drank this delicious tea which resulted in my belly purring with happiness.

I was amazed at the gentleness of the medicine and at the fact that my body knew exactly where to go for it, even though my cognitive mind didn’t know it at the time.

So the bush felt and feels like home and when we left, I experienced profound grief. It’s known as Code Red (Re-Entery Depression) and is common amongst the wilderness guides.

My relief was knowing that no matter where I am in the world, the pulse of wildness still thrives, even if all I can see are a few stars in the night sky or a little weed pushing its way through the concrete.

My heart sang when domesticated animals and small children also ‘saw’ me. They would smile or wag their tail in knowing that I ‘saw’ them too. The intimacy I longed for was still very much alive, if I was willing to keep my heart open.

Weeks later, with too many hours of flying and adjusting back into ‘civilization’, when I relax enough to feel through the numbness that naturally wants to creep back in, I am gifted a smile from a stranger, one that says ‘I see you & thank you for seeing me’.

If recognizing your own intimate connection with life inspires you, I recommend starting with your own body, returning home to her. My book, The Emergence of the Sensual Woman is a great place to start.

I’d love to hear from you, which of the 5 wild wisdom principles resonates with you and how you apply it to your daily life, so please leave me your insights and inspirations below in the comments section.