Is Media Harming Your Sex Life?

Every once in a while, the Media releases yet another ‘study’ that ‘proves’ that women do not have G-spots, causing this information to spread like wild-fire and creating a ripple-effect that has negative impact on a woman’s psycho-sexual well-being.

The article released by Mail Online titled “The Vaginal Orgasm Doesn’t Exist – It’s The Clitoris That Holds The Key To Female Pleasure” is one such article.

The title alone reveals that the author, and quite possibly the researchers, have limited understanding of the vastness of the pleasure system within a woman’s pelvis and body.

Evidently (and sadly) they are unaware that the pudendal nerve is accompanied by many other powerfully orgasmic nerves in our body such as our pelvic, vagus and hypogastric nerve pathways, just to name a few.

Not to mention the amazing erotic power of our own mind!

To say that the size of a woman’s clitoris determines her ability to achieve orgasm is like saying that the size of a man’s penis determines whether or not he can ejaculate

One of the failures of these types of studies, statements, and articles is that they focus almost entirely on the functional (and limited) model of sexuality with no mention of its counterpart, the meaning model of sexuality—which brings into light how powerfully interwoven our female desire is with the state of our mind and emotions.

Any grounded and well-versed sexologist knows that female desire and pleasure is a rich and complex world and not one that can be solved by a magic technique (although some techniques can definitely support a woman to explore and expand her pleasure).

Back in early 2008, I was completing my dissertation on looking at the effects of the Jade Egg on a woman’s psycho-sexual health, when a similar article was let loose into mainstream media.

I heard about it while teaching a live event when a woman waved a print out of the article and cried out, “I knew I didn’t have a g-spot! It says right here that scientists have now proven that not all women have one.”

I remember asking what they would say if an article came out stating that not all men have prostate glands. Most of them answered that it was ridiculous to say that, obviously feeling more confident about their knowledge on male sexual anatomy, than their own.

Upon deeper investigation of this article I found it was linked to a Doctor in Italy who specialized in male sexuality and had attempted his first female study.

The structure of the study was obviously incorrect from the get go, it was never peer-reviewed or approved, yet it was nonetheless released to the media.

What horrified me was noticing that such a bogus study could be quoted by mainstream media as the ultimate truth, without any regard for its impact on the millions of women who are influenced by it’s misleading assumptions.

To blatantly state that women worldwide do not experience vaginal orgasm and therefore proving the theory that the clitoris is the main source of pleasure for women is arrogant and dangerous.

It doesn’t take into consideration what most neurologists already know: each woman has a different erotic fingerprint. For some women it is obviously the clitoris, yet for others it’s the vagina, perineum or anus!

Furthermore, daily survival issues, abuse, and lack of sensual and sexual education as well as lack of leisure time to explore and relax into their own desires all contribute in the current state of women’s pleasure worldwide.

That said, it’s only in very recent times that we’ve come to recognize that we must include both the ‘how to’s’ and the ‘deeper meaning of sex’ in our description and understanding of female eros.

This broader viewpoint, which is inclusive of both our physical anatomy along with our state of being, has helped shift the definition of female sexuality from being one of purely birthing rights to being one where women are recognized as sexually intelligent beings.

The good news in all of this? Female pleasure and sexuality remains a constant source of fascination and mystery, and it is up to each one of us to return our attention to our own body—she doesn’t need any scientific validation of her unique pleasure abilities.

We cannot stop the media from blowing things out of proportion since these things traditionally attract a lot of attention.

However, we can make the choice to be discerning. To recognize pseudo-truths and weigh them against our own inner knowing: That we are literally unlimited in our pleasure potential.

If breaking free from restrictive and limiting beliefs and definitions about your pleasure and sexuality is something you are curious about, then my book the Emergence of the Sensual Woman – Awakening Our Erotic Innocence is a fantastic place to start.

Now it’s your turn! I want to hear how such articles impact you and how you go about trusting your own deep erotic wisdom. Leave me your thoughts below so we can continue the conversation.

saida_signiture

49 replies
  1. Pam, Seattle
    Pam, Seattle says:

    Thank you for your frequent reminders of who we really are! In a world that just doesn’t “get it,” yet, we need all the women like you who tell us repeatedly that we are capable of so much beyond mainstream understanding. I’m so glad to have discovered you, Layla Martin, Kim Anami, Sheri Winston, and all the sexually awake women who will publicly speak the truth of a woman’s delicious and unlimited sexuality and sensuality!

    Reply
  2. Amari
    Amari says:

    Hi Saida,

    I am sorry!

    I realize that I have written to you not open. There were more words for the unknown writers.
    Also I was not open to write sincerely because of shame and ignoring.

    But from desire the Heal myself in everything I write to you these words:

    As a child I grew up in physical and mental abuse as well as heavy handed sexual abuse.
    I believed in a word of violence in which love had no place. And sexual relations continued until from the body or in violence.
    Because of my believe in violence I have 25 years ago in a BDSM relationship my g-spot and ambrosia discovered.
    My shame is that I am gone so far as ended up in violence while I so longed for real love, and than to feel my g-spot and ambrosia.

    By my desire for Love is there a reversal occur, I am awakened from my victim role.

    From my desire for Love, my love for myself mega grown, because I believe that first love for myself , the sacred marriage, the port is for real-truly relationship with others.

    I live only for a long time, to grow and develop in self love!
    But I desire yet a relationship with a man. to heal more and more….

    Your book is like a gift from heaven,
    and what has touched me immensely, I quote your words:

    ” NO one can ever affect our essence, she is always pure, free.

    The word INNOCENCE, Virgin has me intense hit, in sense of Yes, how everything ever was in my life, MY VIRGIN is always there!

    Erotic innocence feels so wonderful and so pure and free for me!
    Thanks so many thanks for these words that have bring me so Heal to me!

    By my openness to you,
    I feel that I grow in real,
    hide nothing more,
    Receptive.

    In gratitude,

    Amari

    Reply
  3. Jaya
    Jaya says:

    Hi Saida, I wanted to ask you–I am young and have strong pelvic floor and abdominal muscles but have had a hard time orgasming with my partners. I am fine on my own.

    My question is, with my self-exploration I see and feel that my uterus is prolapsed about 1/2way. I feel the sensation of it several times a month, and especially on Day 1 of my period.

    How can I get her back in her proper position? I realize this is trauma-based and not because of lax muscles.

    I am so ready to heal now!!
    Thank you for your inspiration.
    Jaya

    Reply
    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Hi Jaya,

      Strength is really fantastic, but so is suppleness. Learning to relax and melt open is very important, especially when we are with a lover.

      I don’t teach how to adjust your uterus, but I would recommend either an osteopath who specializes in the female pelvis/sexual function and/or someone who is well-versed in mayan abdominal massage.

      The jade egg practice will also definitely support more vibrant health in your uterus as well.

      Reply
  4. Edey
    Edey says:

    Pregnancy has been the most erotic experience of my life! I didnt know anything but the clit before hand. I had my first A spot & G spot orgasms, learned that you can lift weights with your lady parts and ive even experienced my first two real wet dreams!!! ( possibly the best symptom of pregnancy no one tells you about!! )
    & I didnt learn any of that from a male or a damn study. I just had an intense desire to get to know myself better.
    We ladies are awsome.

    Reply
  5. Milena
    Milena says:

    Great article, Saida! I also do feel an oversimplification. Basically, if I am a man, who hasn’t had a chance to have an encounter with a woman that has explored her body and sensuality, I would think … “Well, I ejaculated, so no more trusting is necessary… She wants cuddling, I will give her” (aka ‘Touching and kissing can be continued … (etc),” but this is an oversimplification and very “naive and ignorant” (male-ejaculatory-centered quotation and explanation). Interesting that the article’s author is a woman… 🙂 I also don’t like the functional goal oriented language – “produce an orgasm”… (left-brain & goal completion centered), but this is typical for tabloid journalism. Anyway, I will have to find the original article. Now I am curious… To me this article is another example of not just tabloid journalism and lack of research, but also an attempt to diminish and oversimplify female sexuality (due also to probably to lack of self knowledge, depth and understanding even of the author). I’ve been in journalism and (moreso, as a woman) if I was still writing, I would have done more research prior to publishing, not just on the female biology, but also to confirm what authors of the quoted scientific article area saying with other articles, and publications…

    Reply
  6. Amari
    Amari says:

    Lovely Saida, I am back again, this morning in Meditation I became a answer.

    Is it possible for you that you can research the persons(s) who wrote that article? To in loving touch-contact, without conviction, but in openness from all your wisdom to communicate.
    Because what has put this matter this so as to write? From which this conclusion, which is actually a theorem is, without the bedding of the true answer, if one has experienced and felt that the whole body one great orgasm is and produces. In stimulation, in loving attention, in admissibility, in a big Yes, there are so many different orgasm, where you in full attention, delight in the body are. Also a orgasm in your nose, your ears, your toe…..Either your whole body trembles in a very orgasm.
    In the claim that vaginal orgasm doesn’t exist- its the clitoris that holds the key to female pleasure, you would also be able to say, its makes the man, his lingam redundant, I don’t think men would find this fun…….
    Also does it nullify tho the intense experience right in loving stimulation and love in each other’s spirit of the lingam and the yoni together. In a large responsive Yes of the yoni and Loving tender penetration of the lingam, you go to heaven and all the stars beyond.
    That sparkle in your vagina, your whole body in orgasm you can only feel when you have experienced this. Experienced and deeply feeling, is perhaps the key word. For that which you have not yet experienced about that you can not write!
    The g-spot I experienced and deeply felt it’s there for me!
    The Ambrosia I experienced and deeply felt it’s there for me!
    Maybe I have a huge open and sexual craving in my mind, allowing me to experience this.
    It would be wonderful, if those who write articles about orgasm, first experienced a course with you. I think after this experienced and deeply felt, they are going to write a completely different article!
    So I wish you, me and all woman in the word, that you may come in contact with the interpreters of the written article, written from poverty and not written from the immense wealth of the orgasm itself.
    In deep compassion for your care,
    Amari
    I little question: I would like to ask you something about the Jade -Egg. The Jade- Egg I experienced as welcome, and I desire more….but…I connote tolerate the thread.
    Can you advise me on this?

    Reply
    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Hi Amari,

      Thank you for your words.

      As for your the Jade Egg question, if you can push it out easily, there’s no need for the string unless you do the pulling practices. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Layla
    Layla says:

    Brilliantly written, Saida! One of the women in my group posted a link to this article and I was warmed by your wonderful response and wisdom, as always. Love, Layla

    Reply
  8. Amari
    Amari says:

    Dear Saida,

    I am Dutch, in attempt to write English, sorry for all the mistakes in writing.

    In life there will always be duality created what truth is. Fortunately the Truth is Our Self.

    I thank the cosmos, that you have written the book Emerge of the Sensual Woman, Awakening Our Erotic innocence. That completely makes me feel woman, and consciousness has grown!
    By your philosophy and theory, which I step by step practice for 13 months now.

    I feel for the first time in my life that I truly may be as a woman. And from the exercises in your book, I feel a lot of love for and in myself.

    I feel that my body speaks (to me)
    I feel that I understand her, and I give myself al what I need.
    The jade egg is use not yet, but I feel my craving in my Yoni and that pulsates in salvation.

    I thank you Saida!, for all your wise lessons, that makes me feel free, and does grow and prosper in a sensual woman, longing for her self! I feel freed from trauma, greatly yearning to awaken that I am in that what I am.

    I quote you: ” Each woman has a different erotic fingerprint”. By your book I feel my erotic fingerprint, in understanding my female eros.

    I love that I more and more, recognize that I am a sexually intelligent Being.

    Thank, thank, thank, thank you so much, Saida.

    And yes, the amazing erotic power of our own mind, is immense! I feel it!!!!!
    Maybe this is precisely the power of feeling succulent and sensual.

    I feel that I live in Happiness!

    In Big sensual love for you,

    Amari

    Reply
  9. Heather Fink
    Heather Fink says:

    Thank you for this quote, “We are literally unlimited in our pleasure potential.” I know this is true, and hearing it from you is powerfully inspiring. Thank you for sharing your voice with the world! I like to imagine pleasure being taught in sex ed, and the media covering you and this quote above being your lead sentence…

    Reply
  10. Leisa Porteous-Semple
    Leisa Porteous-Semple says:

    Thank you for your intelligent & calming response to such ‘harmful untruths’ that can unfortunately be sensationalised through the media. Whilst I do not allow such limiting information to negatively affect my personal experiences, it saddens me to consider that other women around the world may never experience the true nature of their full erotic pleasure due to being bombarded by inaccurate information. It’s women like you Saida who inspire & delight me with magical feminine passion. I love your work. <3

    Reply
  11. Deni Wom
    Deni Wom says:

    I chuckle when it is men that are investigating the female body. I am bisexual, and can vouch for a huge number of women that have tried my techniques, and men that have used them to help their lovers discover nirvana. Orgasm is everyone’s right. I urge every woman to discover their erotic potential. Your life will never be the same again. The change will bring you both peace and satisfaction.

    The change will bring your lover both satisfaction and joy. It will give your relationships new reason to exist.

    Keep up the excellent work, Saida!

    Reply
  12. vicky
    vicky says:

    Hiya, I give thanks for the position your in to make this information aware to me. Since starting your course a year ago I found my G Spot and nobody can tell me it doesnt exist, I have never in 40 years had orgasms like them and I am not giving them up for no one, EVER. I am not the same woman because of them. I would die rather than give up this gorgeous pleasure now that I have found it. Your a bit of a goddess Saida.

    With much love always xxxx

    Reply
  13. Ruby
    Ruby says:

    Dear Saida,

    From the mist of the history men have been both puzzled and utterly jealous on women’s infinite potential of pleasure, both as receiver and as giver. The more women celebrated their nature, the more men tried to put them down.

    Sad it is that many…too many women started believing the deceiving denigrating men’s words. And thus we, goddesses of the universe, were reduced to flat lifeless jellies desperately looking for unnatural justifications for our forgetfulness.

    Me included…been for many years under the negative spell of a good but frightened man who believed that would be better for me to live in darkness than to stir his life juices.

    The media in the era of internet is an ocean of muddy waters which can be cleared out only if women, the Goddesses, would go through them with an opened and joyful mind…

    We are Goddesses…even if we are still asleep and deceived. We just need to rip off the veil others covered our eyes.

    I just love your articles, Saida. They are a hot sweet breath of passion swirling in my whole life.

    Joy&Bliss, Ruby

    Reply
  14. Indira
    Indira says:

    Hi Saida, because I already read your book I dont believe on anything the article says. Thank you for never tired in spreading this awareness and educating us in appreciating our body ❤️

    Reply
  15. Morgan from Australia
    Morgan from Australia says:

    Thank you again Saida for keeping us on track
    I discovered that I could have a vaginal orgasm when I hired a gigolo when I was in my sixties! he was a wonderful man in his twenties! and for the first time my G spot was happy. He was so confident of a woman’s anatomy. However I am now discovering that the general anatomy books in libraries etc are wrong! they give an inaccurate diagram of the clitoris!
    I wonder will we ever be able to truly understand and enjoy our sexuality as nature meant it to be?

    Reply
    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Yes… we are already enjoying our bodies as nature intended us to! Thank goodness!

      I just need to speak up for those of us who have not yet fully discovered that we possess an erotic genius and for those who are still willing to give authorities more power than their own inner knowing.

      Reply
  16. Maria Aleksandra
    Maria Aleksandra says:

    Dear Saida,
    I love your fierceness! This touches on so many issues wow – holly molly.
    science/religion/politics all driven by men and women around who have been suppressed for years and told how to view their sexuality and their bodies.
    wow – if a woman puts more value on what she reads in a paper than what she directly knows from her own body and life – …. compassion….
    For me as a retired nurse reading this is a bit hilarious “i knew not all women have one?”
    is like saying “I knew not everyone had a liver”
    its both sad and funny.
    I am glad that there are more women like you who just say it like it is.
    I think it comes down to each one of us getting intimately familiar with our bodies and what works and how we connect with pleasure.
    Much Love.

    Reply
  17. Ava
    Ava says:

    Very beautiful article Saida, and lovely feedback sisters.
    It’s. so. True. It so obvious to me as I am apart of a tantra school where even in such a beautiful and authentic environment, dogmas, masculine-based have-tos, can still run in the background if there is not a diligence kept amongat the women; that we are a mystery. We need to discover through our own laboratories, and keep an awareness that any outside information, even if its spiritual or intended to inform us scientifically, it is most likely being disseminated through a masculin paradigm. Eventually limiting our freedom to explore our bliss and Truths ourselves. Disseminated! Hah!

    Reply
      • daniela
        daniela says:

        Beautiful article and useful! i loved the word Yoniverse you wrote above….!! what school in Denmark, Saida? can you please give me details to check on them myself?i have some friends there…thank you, kiss, you, hug you!

        Reply
  18. Lucanne
    Lucanne says:

    Hi Saida, This is a good reminder how many invalid media and studies are and to stay awake to the agenda filled propaganda. To research the source of the article is “Hot” Saida! 🙂 Especially the ladies who are asleep seeking out there for validation, fish hooks baited ready to reel you in. I recall listening to a reputable radio talkshow host mention many times flawed studies especially involving the pharmaceutical companies. That was the beginning of opening my awareness.
    Dodson and Ross from my perception seem to emphasize the clitoris a lot. I just went to their website and was delighted to hear Carlin is pregnant with her first!. The only ones interested in the deeper meaning of sex are usually women. The inspiring thing is it being talked about in the media, maybe some intelligence will seduce us one way or another. I hope and pray every lie is consumed by truth and Grace of Gia. Im kind of all over the place in my mind about this. This is a huge subject that we are all very passionate about. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to voice my opinion. Blessings Lu

    Reply
  19. Martina gijsbers
    Martina gijsbers says:

    Dear Saida, Please keep on going we need woman like you who stand up and stand out! Of course there is so much more to sexual pleasure than the clitoris. I Would probable say now its in my brain and the breathing trough all my cells is where my orgasm takes place, the more I breath and fully feel my body the more she’s longing en ecstatic. I love discovering more and seeing, sensing how wonderful and incredibly magnificent we are created! We and our pleasure are the mystery. I will not be stopped by the media in unveiling my deepest nature. love and thnx, Martina

    Reply
  20. Akki
    Akki says:

    Dear Saïda,
    Articles like these hardly affect me: I simply don’t believe them. Propably because my real sexual education came from women like you, the Dutch Rita van Rijnsoever and the female teachers in Healing Tao. In school sexual education was limited to reproducion; pleasure wasn’t mentioned. The “pleasure part” as seen in movies looked rather over acted to me, but still frightning, not something I longed for. The possibility of an orgasm I only found out after I had sex a few times; being on my own and stimulating my clitoris. It wasn’t until I read your book, that it occured to me that there could be more ways. (and half a year ago my clitoris told me she was tired of getting stimulated; she prefers a soft touch, not the hard working, yang way I saw in the movies)
    After reading and rethinking your article, I thought maybe what we see as the truth, is what we are first tought. And taking my own experience as a guideline -being sexually educated in pleasure by you and women alike- I simply don’t believe the *** articles as mentioned in yours. I sigh and shake my head.
    But I would like to thank you for putting up this question, because because of it I again realize the importance of educating my own children in these matters before media do!
    Thank you, dear Saida, for being my Sister and Teacher!
    With lots of Love,
    Akki

    Reply
    • Saida
      Saida says:

      I feel you Akki… My heart sings for your wisdom and your strength in standing for what is organically true in your body.

      Reply
  21. Coco
    Coco says:

    Yes, right. This is what I thought too. They are crazy. I am really trying hard to explore my G-Spot. Didn’t find it yet. I don’t give up but honestly, it comes to my mind ” maybe I don’t have one, maybe I am unable to have vaginal orgasm”. Such articles are so irritating.

    Reply
    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Hi Coco, you definitely have one… the G-spot is part of the spongy tissue that wraps around your urethra.

      When we don’t have much experience with our body in this way, sometimes it remains dormant, but I like to think of your vagina as a sleeping beauty… or even a Yoni-verse (like a vast universe, but in your vagina).

      Every time you explore from a place of erotic innocence, you give yourself permission to discover without any ‘have to’s’…

      You may also get a lot out of my book as it is full of great information to help you unveil your pleasure potential.

      I also have a FREE video training series that may be helpful: Unleash your pleasure potential

      Reply
    • Phoenix Rising
      Phoenix Rising says:

      Just a tip: you are able feel your g-spot bulging when aroused. No wonder doctors didn’t find anything on dead corpses…

      Reply
      • Coco
        Coco says:

        That is the crux. I can not arouse myself if I do not feel much or nothing. It is ike poking in dead flesh (as you mentioned).
        With yoni exercises with or without jade egg, and breathing I toned my Yoni and she became more sensitive.
        Though I could not pleasure myself (GSpot).
        So I went to a Tantra massage with Yoni massage and … tada … here it is … the vaginal orgasm 🙂
        Touching myself is still not “driving me crazy” but I sense so much more even with my fingers (which felt ridiculously boring before).

        Reply

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