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Gurus Aren’t Gods

Sexual Abuse in the [Un]Conscious Sexuality Movement

More and more gurus are being called out for their sexual abuse and sexual misconduct.

This is not actually surprising. What is surprising, however, is that we are repeatedly surprised by this fact.

There’s something important about this behavior to point out because the most obvious path is to blame the gurus or men in positions of power and forget that it takes two to tango.

There are no victims here, not really.

Naiveté is no longer a free ticket to making bad choices and pointing our finger at our abuser.

If we are adult enough to make choices, especially around sexuality, then we are adult enough to be responsible for the outcome of our choices, even when we are unsure of ourselves or new at an endeavor.

I’d like to propose that there’s something else, other than just the obvious abuser/victim cycle, at work here.

However, before I dive into why hijacked desires are a detriment to all involved, I do want to take a moment to point out the obvious:

A Sexual Guru Isn’t Not A God, He/She is Human

There is a need for people to learn about their sexuality and sexual energy. It’s part of our erotic evolution to seek out teachers and guides in this area, yet there are no real standards in place for these teachers/teachings.

Somehow, for many decades (if not longer) no one has ever questioned the authority of these sexual guru figures.

Or if someone did question them, their voice was never translated for the rest of us to benefit from.

Personally, I started my journey with a wide open heart and a deep desire to learn the arts of conscious sexuality. As a young woman, I viewed advanced Taoist and Tantric practitioners with a sort of reverence reserved for the gods of ancient Greece.

Very quickly, however, I got to see how ‘unconscious’ the conscious sexuality movement actually was:

Story 1: Men surrounding me at a Tantra evening, calling me a Goddess and saying all sorts of ‘formula’ phrases designed to make my female ego throb with desire. All it did was freak me out. And worse, they would NOT let me out of their circle. I had to force myself out between two bodies and literally run away. So much for being adored as a ‘Goddess’.

Story 2: My first teacher seduced me with ideas of ‘higher teachings and special initiations’. Because of my need to be seen and feel special, I bought into his ideas. They involved having sex with him. It was pretty lame sex and I never felt the promised ‘orgasm that takes me to God’. To be honest, I felt more with my own hand in the quiet of the night.

Story 3: As a teacher myself, I was confronted, over and over again, by mothers whose daughters had fallen for the ‘sex teacher’. When I approached the founders and leaders of my community, I was told that I didn’t understand because I was married!!! What?! I retorted that even as a single woman teaching the work, I had never looked to my students for my sexual and relational needs, so why would male teachers be exempt of this? Are we not here to serve our students to learn, grow, and evolve? Obviously not, it’s more like having easy access to a lot of willing sexual partners.

The list odd stories is endless.

I’m sure this has been going on for as long as there have been sexuality teachers. What’s surprising is how few of us seem to go into these communities armed with this knowledge.

I’ll tell you why this is so:

  1. We have our own agendas that we want met. We are blind to what is obvious and see only our own projections rather than the truth.
  2. Living by ideals and not reality. We all have a fantasy of the perfect situation, with the perfect teacher, and the perfect outcome, but the truth is that this is rarely the case and we’d be served to notice the truth of a situation instead of insisting on pushing our ideals.
  3. We assume that anything ‘Eastern’ is holy and impeccable. This is absolutely ridiculous. Humans are humans. They have needs. If we cannot see this, then we are intentionally sticking our heads in the sand.
  4. Young women are especially vulnerable. We are resolving our daddy issues, we want to be special and unique, we want to be Goddesses (especially sex Goddesses), we believe that we need a teacher to unlock our potential, and so forth. You get the picture. We do not teach young people about the right to say what happens with their bodies—what I call Sexual Sovereignty. Because of this, they simply don’t know any better and with that comes risk.
  5. Drive-Thru Sexuality Practices. This is at the crux of most of the issues in this industry. What is known and out there is actually of very poor quality. It has been left unchallenged for far too long and diluted more and more as the information gets shared wider and wider. The truth of the practices is that they have long been exchanged as an excuse to resolve sexual tension and insecurities.

Fairly early on in my journey, it became very clear to me that the information that was available as ‘alternative or conscious’ sexuality practices was more of a joke.  Many times were led by sexual predators and/or sexual addicts.

A large number of people seek alternative sexuality education as a way to initiate their own sexual healing. Some of these individuals teach. In truth, they decided that they were qualified to lead and teach, yet have only managed to grow their neurotic relationship with sexuality and propagate more trauma.

This issue is compounded by ‘hijacked’ desires.

We want what we want no matter the cost,
even the cost of our own integrity

The desire to evolve sexually is honest and real.

The desire to do this no matter what the cost, is BS.

We live in a world that has made a currency out of our sexuality for so long we’ve no clue what it actually means to be a sexual being.

Add sexual repression and layers of dissatisfaction and sexual shame, and we have the perfect climate for an unconscious ‘conscious sexuality’ movement.

Transforming Lead To Gold – Awakening Consciousness
In the Conscious Sexuality Movement

Judging something to be right or wrong only serves to separate ourselves further from it, but it doesn’t actually make the issue go away. This means that instead of judging people and their choices, practitioner or participant, we’d be better off learning from what we are witnessing and using that learning to create deeper, more meaningful experiences.

If we want to actually contribute to bringing more consciousness into sexuality, then we need to hone our discernment while we ditch our judgements.

Discernment is the ability to see the truth and to act in alignment with it without having to make something good/bad or right/wrong. Discernment empowers aligned action, which deepens our self-trust and personal impeccability.

Seven Crucial Aspects of Transformation

  1. We get to own that we desire to grow sexually and sensually. This is a true and honest calling.
  2. We get to also own that we feel incomplete and that we are seeking something or someone to reassure us that we are okay.
  3. To speak out, to question, to challenge authority is crucial, especially in the field of sexuality. Although this can lead to being ostracized, shunned, we must be willing to risk ‘not being liked or approved of’ if we are to take a stand for our own sexual sovereignty.
  4. We must understand that there are literally ZERO standards in the [un]conscious sexuality movement and that we must exercise discernment to the utmost degree.
  5. If you want to know the truth of a teacher, look at their life: How do they live? Are they single or partnered? If they are in a relationship, is it successful? [Many people have a public persona, but what happens when no one is looking is a different matter all together.] Do they have their own method or are they proposing they are following a lineage? How long have they practiced? Who did they learn from, and more importantly, how did they take the information and embody it? Do they believe you need them to grow and evolve? Are they insisting on teaching you through having sex with you? (FYI: The most inadequate teachers require this form of contact. Very high level practitioners would never request this of you NOR would they need such an exchange to transmit their understanding of the deeper wisdom to you).
  6. Have you already experienced abuse? If you have, where are you in your reclamation of your sovereign space? You have the right to feel all the feelings you are moving through, there’s no need to be anything other than who you are in this moment and to learn from what happened so that you are able to choose differently in the future.
  7. Call out those who are out of integrity. It’s important not to collude with the group. If something is off inside the group or with the leader of the group, call them on it. It will not feel nice to do this, but it’s worse to stay silent. If you aren’t ready to do this for yourself, then do it in defense of others.

A New Paradigm For Sexuality

Sexuality isn’t just the act of sex, or more specifically, the act of intercourse.

For more than two decades, I’ve been inviting people to consider the idea that they are sexual beings, not sexual ‘doings’ and inviting them to explore what that means for them personally. This idea can be profoundly challenging as it goes against the ideals and assumptions of society, yet it’s worthy of contemplation.

Being able to define something for ourselves is also invaluable on this journey along with the ability to understand that we were born erotically intact and intelligent.

We are standing at a crucial moment in human history and evolution, a moment where we no longer can afford to be unconscious, where we must ‘grow up’ emotionally and sexually and from this new vantage point, create the world we’d love to live in.

Gurus, old ideals, and ongoing, recurring human behavior are being upgraded, whether we partake willingly or not. Either way, through choice or pain, we will grow. How we go through this growth phase is determined by the choices each of us makes in the micro-moments of life.

It’s time to put sexuality in its rightful place: a natural, sovereign, integral part of being a human being.

This birthright comes with responsibilities. If we want deeper, more intense and alive sexuality, then we must equally be willing to take greater and more thorough responsibility for our choices—from birth control to saying yes or no—and owning the consequences of those choices as a sexually sovereign adult.

If this article speaks to you, we’d love to hear your thoughts (feel free to leave them in the comments below) and have you share it with your community. Come over to TheDaringProject.com  to deepen the discussion and we’ll gift you a free 30-day trial.

#NowWhat – The Crossroads of the #MeToo Movement

Since the rise of the #MeToo movement, we find ourselves at a crossroads and what YOU choose will impact the outcome.

Find out why YOUR Sexual Sovereignty is crucial in changing the world.

Your Story Matters. Your Voice Matters. You Matter.

Join our growing movement: www.TheDaringProject.com

Jade Egg Mastery – It’s Not Just About How Much Weight You Can Lift

Are you curious about the Jade Egg practice?

Have you wondered what it’s all about or how to actually, step-by-step learn how to masterfully use a Jade Egg?

Maybe you’ve heard that the Jade Egg can transform all of your emotional wounds and sexual inhibitions, leaving you with lasting sexual confidence?

Or perhaps you’ve been seduced into believing that having a ‘super-pussy’ through lifting weights with your vagina will ensure better orgasms and keep your lover loyal?

Or believe that through the power of your vagina alone you’ll able to control your man’s ejaculation?

If any of these apply to you, then you are part of the emerging mass interest in the Jade Egg practice.

This means you’ve also been absorbing the wide-spread, inappropriate instruction about the jade Egg along with many other false promises and potentially harmful practices.

But don’t worry, this isn’t your fault.

In fact, it’s rather a common phenomena when a deep ancient practice is introduced to our give-me-a-quick-solution modern society: there will always be a loss of integrity and depth.

Over the past 20 years of personal and professional practice, I’ve experienced a profound evolution in my own understanding of the Jade Egg practice and it’s impact on women.

In fact, not only did I learn what worked and didn’t work through receiving direct feedback of from tens of thousands of women world-wide, but I also did a pilot study examining and measuring the effects of the Jade Egg practice on the psycho-sexual health of women for my PhD dissertation.

The results of my study in combination with considering the latest, cutting-edge scientific research on sexuality resulted in a major overhaul of the original teachings so that they could better suit the true needs of modern women and lead to lasting, life-long results.

A key insight that emerged, one that lies at the foundation of my method, is that we are psycho-sexual beings and deserve to ignite the totality of our sensual/sexual nature, not just be obsessed with ‘vagina power’ alone.

We are not just our genitals, our sexuality and sensuality includes the totality of who we are.

Your sexuality and sensuality not a currency or commodity meant to be used in exchange of whatever it is you desire more of in your life.

It is your birthright. A natural, powerful, life-giving part of who you innately are as woman.

To attempt to squeeze the vastness of your femininity into the tiny box of ‘goal-oriented’ techniques and ideals is to impoverish your experience of your own pleasure.

To limit your sexuality to how much weight you can lift with your vagina or how many vaginal tricks you can do is like saying that to drive a car all you need to do is push or turn all the buttons and dials on your dashboard.

It’s sensationalist and immature.

The good news is, more and more of women are waking up and coming back home to themselves, discerning the gold from the hype, and claiming for themselves the living wisdom of their beautiful body.

If you’d love to learn more about how to master the Jade Egg practice, ignite your own unique erotic intelligence and to cultivate wholeness and profound sexual vitality and pleasure, you may want to check out my current invitation to do a LIVE intensive with me: CLICK TO DISCOVER MORE ABOUT JADE EGG MASTERY

 

 

To K-Goal or not to K-Goal…

Are Vaginal Apps & The “Skea” Video Game The Future?

As a lover of all things that bring women more pleasure, self-love, and a renewed passion for life, I’m always curious about new fads and tools for sexual empowerment.

There are two new emerging trends have grabbed my attention: the kGoal & the Skea video game.

The kGoal is a small device that a woman inserts in her vagina in order to train her PC muscle (aka the sex muscle). It is linked to her iPhone through an APP that let’s her know how well she is doing while also tracking her progress as the weeks and months go by.

The Skea video game is similar to the kGoal, only it interfaces with a video game called “Alice in Continent” (pardon me?!).

Now upon first look, these ideas are rather exciting! More funky APPs to make our lives more efficient while encouraging us to get much needed exercise for our pelvic floor.

But this is where the magic ends for me.

First of all, this reeks of a purely functional approach to our sexuality, leaving out the essential deeper meaning or purpose of having an erotic nature.

Whenever we do this, we instantly transform our vibrant sensual/sexual self into a commodity or currency.

This degrades our erotic intelligence and moves us further and further away from cultivating our erotic genius—literally alienating ourselves from ourselves.

Secondly, these devices covertly create yet another standard that a woman has to live up to. We are already bombarded with having the “right size & shape” of breasts, waists, hips, thighs, and yes, even labia!

Add to the mix the fact that we have to constantly contend with how much sex is the ‘sexy’ amount to have while juggling all the various styles and combinations of sex a ‘sexually liberated’ woman “should be” versed in.

Never mind that we simultaneously must maintain the success of our careers, families, and friendships.

This leaves us with a massive ‘to do’ list inclusive of “sexy dates” to insure we actually get to do whatever latest and greatest exercise we must do in order to stay with the latest pleasure trends.

Exhausting… and not very sexy.

My biggest pet peeve, however, is with the overtly intellectual and functional approach to female sexuality.

Singular focus on excessively toning one group of muscles (like the PC muscle) can result in the too much pelvic tension which can lead to forming scar tissue or pinching vital ‘pleasure nerves’.

As much as I’d love to celebrate kGoal & the Skea video game as a way to inspire women to take more care of their sensual selves, I fear that it is yet another burden and incomplete program that will leave women frustrated and possibly even anorgasmic!

The inventors of these modern ‘feminine’ devices obviously have great intention, but unfortunately reveal their limited understanding of the complex and profound nature of female sexuality.

As women, the journey to claiming our full sensual/sexual self is precarious and loaded with dogma, memes, and commercialized propaganda.

And although it is essential that we care for our beautiful bodies and sexual organs, doing so at the cost of losing our own intimate connection with ourselves is too high a price to pay.

It’s my desire that we step out of this insipid and limited viewpoint on female sexuality and enter a more profound and inspired relationship with ourselves.

Through regarding our body as an erotically intelligent creature who loves to exercise as well as to deeply melt open and surrender to the beauty of life, we recognize that our sexual self isn’t just another currency to trade with, but a profoundly alive ‘sexual being’.

If reconnecting with your own erotic intelligence is inspiring, I recommend starting with reading by book, The Emergence Of The Sensual Woman.

I value your insights on the evolution of our sensual/sexual selves, so please do leave me your thoughts in the comment section so we can deepen this conversation.

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The Phenomenon Of The Jade Egg – Part 2

A Tiny Tool Of Transformation – Part 2

“I’m addicted to food, I have been most of my life, and I want to share that after using the Jade Egg, I no longer have an addictive relationship with food.”

“I’m 73 years old and I’ve lived without much libido, however, since introducing the Jade Egg into my life, I appreciate the necessity of living a turned-on life.”

“I’m a compulsive buyer, but when I wear my Jade Egg shopping, I notice that I don’t buy as much or anything at all.”

“When I fight with my partner about money, my Jade Egg immediately falls out. I’ve learned where in my life I give away my power.”

“Using the Jade Egg helped me clear decades of suppressed sexual trauma, I never knew I could feel this safe and sexually alive.”

This is only a small sample of the profound feedback I receive from women​,​ reveal​ing​ that there’s much more to the Jade Egg practice than pelvic tone and delicious orgasms.

Psycho-Sexual Beings

We are fundamentally psycho-sexual beings—our psyche/mind/emotions is deeply intertwined with our sexuality—one cannot exist without the other, no matter how much we may try and keep them separate from one another.

Our sexuality is more than the act of ‘doing’ something about it, it’s essentially a deep part of ‘who’ we are—To be fully expressed in our own sensual/sexual nature, we must equally have access to and be expressed in our emotional nature and vice-versa.

Consider this an inborn relationship between our earthly body and our sweet, mammalian inheritance, one that has the potential to birth our own unique genius into the world.

The 3 Unspoken Gifts Of Using A Jade Egg

We predominantly focus on the functional aspect of sexuality, looking at how ‘this or that’ technique can create ‘such & such’ results.

Yet the real gifts of using the Jade Egg silently await our notice, reflecting the ‘deeper meaning’ of our sexuality:

​1. Reconnection to self
​2. Healing of the psycho-sexual
3. Emotional & sexual evolution

Reconnection To Self

My personal practice, academic research, and teaching tens of thousands of women world-wide, has shown me the inseparable nature of our sensual/sexual self with our deep hearts and intelligent minds.

Time and time again, I’ve witnessed how soft, alive, and glowing a woman becomes when she comes home to herself along with how much more effective and creative she is in the World.

Our womb is our inner sanctum, a place to access our wisdom, our power, our inborn genius.

We all come from this magical, profound place, yet we rarely treat her with the respect she deserves.

In fact, most of us use our wombs as psychic garbage cans, stuffing her with the emotions that we’re unwilling to feel or face.

It’s for this reason that it’s crucial to enter the Jade Egg practice with reverence, knowing that we are fundamentally engaging in both re-patterning our personal relationship with our sexual core and re-patterning the actual cellular memory of this area of our body.

This re-patterning cannot happen purely through talk therapy or visualizations, we must be willing to touch our beautiful body with love and openness.

It is through this quiet act of reconnection with our own inner guidance that we suddenly feel the love and acceptance we’ve always sought for externally and recognize that we belong to ourselves.

Through this shift in perception, we become part of a world-wide sisterhood that communicates not through words, but though the silent, pulsing aliveness that is transmitted & received by all wombs.

This is no small feat and it is the seed of birthing our greatness into the World.

Healing The Psycho-Sexual Self

Because sexual healing or the need for it is so prevalent in our modern world, it is clear that for most of us, it is a part of becoming an initiated woman.

Using the Jade Egg has profound impact on healing, both physically and psychologically, but it is not the actual Jade Egg that is doing the healing.

It is the symbolism that we assign to the Jade Egg (along with our conscious practice) that acts as an anchor for our choice to reconnect with ourselves, to honor ourselves, and to celebrate ourselves as sensual/sexual being.

Therefore, every time we think of the Jade Egg or consciously use it, we are activating this choice and giving ourselves the opportunity to unveil the true intelligence of our Erotic Genius™.

Our traumas hold within them a doorway into our most potent gifts. When we love ourselves back into wholeness and allow the slowest part of us to set the pace of our lives, true healing unfolds naturally.

I’ve witnessed women transform themselves over and over again through taking the time to engage in this conscious practice of activating their sensual/sexual self while softening open their heart and mind.

Emotional Sexual Evolution

Evolution is now in our hands, we cannot afford to wait another 100,000 years for humans to understand their intimate relationship with life, hence the necessity for the third hidden gift of using the Jade Egg: An acceleration of our maturity process.

We all are where we are meant to be on our journey of life, and as each of us wakes up to our own genius, we naturally become curious about harnessing this inborn resource.

The practice of the Jade Egg can be empty, deceptive, and lead to nowhere when it’s done purely as a physical practice and/or one that is meant to “awaken you spiritually” as an end result.

The key to using the Jade Egg for evolutionary acceleration is to come to it understanding that we are the ones creating the change within us. A change the demands our immediate attention, our willingness to die to how we believe things should be, as well as our willingness to reveal the depth of our own magnificence.

Our journey is not meant to be depicted by others, it is meant to be informed by the living, breathing Erotic Genius™ we all innately possess.

It is through the conscious and correct use of the Jade Egg that we are able to benefit not only physically with more radiant sexual health and pleasure, but equally psychologically with renewed emotional resilience and transparency ​, all of which are key to offering our genius to the World.​​​

If you’d love to deepen your journey through the Art of Succulent Living and using a Jade Egg, I recommend starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

If you enjoyed this article, please like, share it, join the Succulence Revolution, & leave me your thoughts below in the comment section.

If you missed part 1 of this series, Click here

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Delicious Tip: Sensual Pelvis

Would you like to unlock more of your libido?

For this month’s delicious tip, I will share with you a fun way of unleashing more aliveness in your body!

In fact, when this exercise was given to seniors, it was found that after only 1 week of practice, the seniors reported a renewed vigor and turn-on!!

Plus, it’s super fun to do! In fact, I encourage you to really get creative with this one!

Unleash the delicious energy of your pelvis.

This will awaken your digestion, pelvis, genitals, lower back and give you more pleasure during sex, childbirth, and life in general.

If this video was fun for you, please like it, share it and let me know what happened as you explored this month’s tip on your sensual pelvis.

Note: All comments left below are hosted on my site, not on YouTube.

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