With the rise and empowerment of women’s voices comes a shadow: the emergence of pain, anger, fear, confusion and numbness.
Our clients trust us. Implicitly. Therefore it’s natural that we may be the first place where their voice comes forward. How prepared are we for this vulnerable and edgy conversation?
As a professional who is dedicated to the full transformation of our clients, we are in an incredible position to assist women through this powerful time, yet few feel equipped and/or comfortable at having these important, yet intensely edgy conversations.
How we handle these stories will keep a woman in her trauma cycle or will create a pattern interruption that will support her to find her own way through her reclamation journey.
No Psycho-Sexual Training
Although many are not qualified to take a woman on this reclamation journey, we can still be their first responders. How we handle those first few moments are crucial to the success of this reclamation journey; so we want to keep in mind that at the heart of this issue is trust: broken trust, that is.
When trauma of this nature has occurred, a woman no longer trusts her own relationship with
her body, never mind other people. This is why it’s so crucial she begins with her own body.
Few have methodologies that assist this specifically, however, we can gently inspire a woman to contemplate this idea: her fastest path to wholeness is through returning to herself and her body.
That said, there are a few things we are all capable of offering. Here are three simple, yet potent concepts can we take to impeccably show up for our clients without contributing to the trauma:
1. We transform through who we are, not what we say. This first concept is about doing our own inner work around our pain, grief, anger and confusion. Who we are impacts more than anything we could ever say, this is why our ‘felt-state’, who we are deep inside, has such profound impact on our clients.
The more we can allow ourselves to feel these states and choose to love ourselves no matter how ugly these states may be, the more powerful we demonstrate this possibility through our presence (this happens through a powerful process known as limbic re-imprinting).
2. We are powerful, they are powerful. The second concept is more of a definition that we take on as truth. In situations where there’s been victimization, it’s easy to collude with the pain and forget that there’s a powerful person going through a painful experience.
By taking on that you are powerful, and therefore, your clients are powerful, allows them to get a feel for this, perhaps even for the first time. They literally get a sense that ‘they have this’, even if it will be a challenging time – they have what it takes to experience full reclamation.
3. Our greatest wound is our greatest source of power. This third concept is a recognition, a deeper inner knowing. If, as a person, you have not yet come to this realization, it is a worthy contemplation. When this becomes TRUE for you, you’ll be able to hold this as an honest possibility for your clients. This is one of the most powerful ideas in shifting from trauma to thriving.
To be prepared, to be willing to go where few have gone, is the reason our clients trust us and open up to us. Although these conversations can be scary, we can relax in knowing that we’re listening with the knowledge that she’s powerful, that healing is possible, and that sometimes just having someone listen without trying to rescue or fix can be just as powerful, if not more so, than any fancy technique.
To learn more about how to support your clients through these conversations, join my FREE TRAINING for Women Professionals… 3 Life-Transforming Ways To Support Your Clients Post #MeToo
It’s become an epidemic…
As Western women, we have the power to choose. But so many women – too many women – are choosing not to choose.
They’re bored, overwhelmed or numbed out. They’re moving through life on auto-pilot, favoring safety over freedom. They’re behaving like they don’t matter; like their voices don’t matter; like their choices don’t have an impact.
That’s what cracked my heart open today: realizing the impact of free women who are NOT choosing their sovereignty every day.
There are women in other parts of the world who get stoned, shot at, ostracized or beaten for getting caught doing something as innocent as learning the ABC’s. Their hunger to learn how to read and write is never satiated. They’re made wrong for their desires. They don’t have the freedom to choose what they want.
As Western women, we have the privilege of choice. We have the freedom to learn how to read and write; to love who we love; to travel wherever we wish without a male escort; to wear what we desire; to start our own business or family when we want, if we want to; to do what we want when we want.
Yet there is another set of ABC’s that are killing us. These ABC’s aren’t the ones Malala got shot at by the Taliban for. But they carry their own dangers for us Western Women.
What are the ABC’s I’m referring to?
A = Apathy
B = Brokenness
C = Criticism
If we’re not choosing, we’re choosing apathy.
Sure, apathy blocks out the poverty, inequality, abuse and tragedies of the world. But it also suppresses our deep caring and ability to heal. It builds a wall around our own genius so we can never fully access, let alone share, our gifts with the world.
Apathy deadens our senses, our capacity to feel pleasure and desire. We end up as empty shells, moving through life on auto-pilot, choosing safety and apathy over freedom and desire.
Apathy is a cop-out. It’s a way of avoiding the power and privilege that we Western Women have. The biggest danger of apathy is that it kills us before we’re even dead.
So many women – too many women – make the mistake of believing they are broken. They buy into the cultural training that they shouldn’t age, they shouldn’t gain weight, that they are too much or not enough, and that at their core, they are bad and wrong.
Women then spend their money on anti-aging products and practices; they invest their energy in diets, exercise regimes and trainings with authorities who supposedly know more than they do on how they should be and what they should do to be a “good” woman.
It is so sad to me that this culture of free women gives away our power to try and fix ourselves.
But the truth is, the more you think you’re anything less than perfect, the more you are wasting your life.
You are not broken. Quit trying to fix yourself.
Take a moment to consider what your internal dialogue has sounded like over the last few hours.
Did you hear an inner voice saying things like, “I’m so beautiful!” And, “Oh, that croissant was so delicious. I’m so glad I chose to have it with extra butter.” And, “I did such a great job with that presentation. I showed up with confidence and handled their concerns brilliantly.”
Chances are, if you’re like the tens of thousands of women I’ve talked with over the years, your inner voice isn’t that kind. Instead, you may have heard an inner voice making comments like, “Oh my gosh! Is that another age spot?” And, “I can’t believe I ate that croissant. And with extra butter? I’m such a pig.” And, “What are they thinking of me now? I can’t believe I made that mistake with my presentation. I really messed that up.”
We as Western Women kill ourselves with criticism. With comparing ourselves to others and their expectations and judgments of us. We get so lost in the stories our inner unkind voice tells us that we lose sight of what is really important and what really matters to us.
How can you show up and be the greatness you truly are when you’re cutting yourself down with criticism?
‘Cause the truth is, you are great.
You are born to step into your greatness alongside all other great beings.
But if you keep letting Apathy, Brokenness and Criticism be your rulers, you will never know the power and possibilities of your sovereignty. You will never know the joy and pleasure of your freedom.
That’s why I invite you… I DARE you… to ditch those ABC’s and choose another, more empowering set of ABC’s that will change everything. These are the building blocks to a whole different way of living.
The ABCs that will set you free:
A = AWAKEN
B = (EM)BODY
C = CHOOSE
The freedom that we have as Western Women comes with a responsibility: to awaken to our privilege and USE IT to create the kind of world we desire to live in.
Responsibility does NOT mean obligation, being a martyr, or getting hooked on some savior complex. What it DOES mean is taking responsibility for yourself and your gifts and using them to create more for yourself and for everyone.
Many women make the mistake, too, of thinking that when they awaken they will be overwhelmed with the pain of this world; they will feel all the needs and tugs for their attention; they will drown in the sea of sorrow and burn with rage. Dear one, I get it. Believe me, I really do.
It can be challenging to feel it all, to be with all the pain of this world. Yet you don’t have to remain in the pain or drown in it. Allow it all to crack your heart open to more of your caring, to the depths and beauty of our humanity, and ultimately, to the depth and breadth of your own extraordinariness.
Apathy is living in black and white. Awakening is living in technicolor. What do you really desire?
We can NOT afford to fall asleep. We can NOT afford the costs of apathy.
We also can NOT wait for someone – anyone – else to give us permission to awaken to our power and privileges.
Do not wait for your spouse, your partner, your father, your mother, your governor, or your president to give you permission to awaken from the domestication and trance that we’ve been trained to live by all our lives.
That day, and that permission, will never come. And even if it does, it is worthless until YOU give YOURSELF permission to awaken fully to your daring, desiring self.
No more waiting. It’s time to give yourself permission to AWAKEN.
When you embody, you come home to yourself. You stop believing you are broken and need fixing. You inhabit your sovereign ground and claim your right to be here.
How can you ever create what you desire if you’re not embodying your beautiful self and your life?
How can the world show up for you when you’re not showing up for yourself?
You’re either embodying or you’re abandoning yourself. Which will it be?
We need you in your body, loving your body and expressing all the truth and wisdom that lives inside. That is what will change the world.
Your beauty and grace, your joy and pleasure, and everything else that is YOU is essential. The fullness of you is essential. So bring it on!
You’re either exercising your freedom to choose – choose your partner, your business, your wardrobe, your lifestyle, your food, your desires – and claiming your power, or you’re not choosing and giving your power away. It’s really that simple and powerful.
Sovereignty is our birthright, but you must choose it.
So many women do not have the capacity to choose. They run the risk of getting killed or imprisoned if they choose to love someone of the same gender or get educated or leave the house without covering their head (let alone their entire body).
Now, I know there are parents out there who say to their children, “Eat what’s on your plate! There are children in Africa who are starving.” They use this truth as a manipulation, a bit of a guilt-trip to get their kids to finish their peas and carrots.
I’m coming from a different place with this; not as a manipulation or a guilt-trip, but rather, a call to action.
Your choices matter.
When you exercise your freedom and CHOOSE to awaken, to embody, and to choose, you take your power back. And when we all stand in our sovereignty, we stand in solidarity with all sisters (and brothers) who don’t have the same privileges we do.This has more impact and momentum than we may ever truly know.
Now is the time, more than ever, to choose what you desire. To stand up for the causes you care about. To show up for yourself and what matters most to you.
If you are with me…
If you’re ready to ditch the ABC’s that are killing you and choose the ABC’s that will set you free, engage with me. Let me hear your voice by posting a comment below. What are you daring to choose today? Join The Daring Project, it’s free for 30-days! Click here to join.