trauma – Saida Desilets

It’s become an epidemic…

As Western women, we have the power to choose. But so many women – too many women – are choosing not to choose.

They’re bored, overwhelmed or numbed out. They’re moving through life on auto-pilot, favoring safety over freedom. They’re behaving like they don’t matter; like their voices don’t matter; like their choices don’t have an impact.

That’s what cracked my heart open today: realizing the impact of free women who are NOT choosing their sovereignty every day.

There are women in other parts of the world who get stoned, shot at, ostracized or beaten for getting caught doing something as innocent as learning the ABC’s. Their hunger to learn how to read and write is never satiated. They’re made wrong for their desires. They don’t have the freedom to choose what they want.

As Western women, we have the privilege of choice. We have the freedom to learn how to read and write; to love who we love; to travel wherever we wish without a male escort; to wear what we desire; to start our own business or family when we want, if we want to; to do what we want when we want.

Yet there is another set of ABC’s that are killing us. These ABC’s aren’t the ones Malala got shot at by the Taliban for. But they carry their own dangers for us Western Women.

What are the ABC’s I’m referring to?

A = Apathy

B = Brokenness

C = Criticism

APATHY

If we’re not choosing, we’re choosing apathy.

Sure, apathy blocks out the poverty, inequality, abuse and tragedies of the world. But it also suppresses our deep caring and ability to heal. It builds a wall around our own genius so we can never fully access, let alone share, our gifts with the world.

Apathy deadens our senses, our capacity to feel pleasure and desire. We end up as empty shells, moving through life on auto-pilot, choosing safety and apathy over freedom and desire.

Apathy is a cop-out. It’s a way of avoiding the power and privilege that we Western Women have. The biggest danger of apathy is that it kills us before we’re even dead.

BROKENNESS

So many women – too many women – make the mistake of believing they are broken. They buy into the cultural training that they shouldn’t age, they shouldn’t gain weight, that they are too much or not enough, and that at their core, they are bad and wrong.

Women then spend their money on anti-aging products and practices; they invest their energy in diets, exercise regimes and trainings with authorities who supposedly know more than they do on how they should be and what they should do to be a “good” woman.

It is so sad to me that this culture of free women gives away our power to try and fix ourselves.

But the truth is, the more you think you’re anything less than perfect, the more you are wasting your life.

You are not broken. Quit trying to fix yourself.

CRITICISM

Take a moment to consider what your internal dialogue has sounded like over the last few hours.

Did you hear an inner voice saying things like, “I’m so beautiful!” And, “Oh, that croissant was so delicious. I’m so glad I chose to have it with extra butter.” And, “I did such a great job with that presentation. I showed up with confidence and handled their concerns brilliantly.”

Chances are, if you’re like the tens of thousands of women I’ve talked with over the years, your inner voice isn’t that kind. Instead, you may have heard an inner voice making comments like, “Oh my gosh! Is that another age spot?” And, “I can’t believe I ate that croissant. And with extra butter? I’m such a pig.” And, “What are they thinking of me now? I can’t believe I made that mistake with my presentation. I really messed that up.”

We as Western Women kill ourselves with criticism. With comparing ourselves to others and their expectations and judgments of us. We get so lost in the stories our inner unkind voice tells us that we lose sight of what is really important and what really matters to us.

How can you show up and be the greatness you truly are when you’re cutting yourself down with criticism?

‘Cause the truth is, you are great.

You are born to step into your greatness alongside all other great beings.

But if you keep letting Apathy, Brokenness and Criticism be your rulers, you will never know the power and possibilities of your sovereignty. You will never know the joy and pleasure of your freedom.

That’s why I invite you… I DARE you… to ditch those ABC’s and choose another, more empowering set of ABC’s that will change everything. These are the building blocks to a whole different way of living.

The ABCs that will set you free:

A = AWAKEN

B = (EM)BODY

C = CHOOSE

AWAKEN

The freedom that we have as Western Women comes with a responsibility: to awaken to our privilege and USE IT to create the kind of world we desire to live in.

Responsibility does NOT mean obligation, being a martyr, or getting hooked on some savior complex. What it DOES mean is taking responsibility for yourself and your gifts and using them to create more for yourself and for everyone.

Many women make the mistake, too, of thinking that when they awaken they will be overwhelmed with the pain of this world; they will feel all the needs and tugs for their attention; they will drown in the sea of sorrow and burn with rage. Dear one, I get it. Believe me, I really do.

It can be challenging to feel it all, to be with all the pain of this world. Yet you don’t have to remain in the pain or drown in it. Allow it all to crack your heart open to more of your caring, to the depths and beauty of our humanity, and ultimately, to the depth and breadth of your own extraordinariness.

Apathy is living in black and white. Awakening is living in technicolor. What do you really desire?

We can NOT afford to fall asleep. We can NOT afford the costs of apathy.

We also can NOT wait for someone – anyone – else to give us permission to awaken to our power and privileges.

Do not wait for your spouse, your partner, your father, your mother, your governor, or your president to give you permission to awaken from the domestication and trance that we’ve been trained to live by all our lives.

That day, and that permission, will never come. And even if it does, it is worthless until YOU give YOURSELF permission to awaken fully to your daring, desiring self.

No more waiting. It’s time to give yourself permission to AWAKEN.

(EM)BODY

When you embody, you come home to yourself. You stop believing you are broken and need fixing. You inhabit your sovereign ground and claim your right to be here.

How can you ever create what you desire if you’re not embodying your beautiful self and your life?

How can the world show up for you when you’re not showing up for yourself?

You’re either embodying or you’re abandoning yourself. Which will it be?

We need you in your body, loving your body and expressing all the truth and wisdom that lives inside. That is what will change the world.

When you are embodied, you are a force of nature. (Click to Tweet)

Your beauty and grace, your joy and pleasure, and everything else that is YOU is essential. The fullness of you is essential. So bring it on!

CHOOSE

You’re either exercising your freedom to choose – choose your partner, your business, your wardrobe, your lifestyle, your food, your desires – and claiming your power, or you’re not choosing and giving your power away. It’s really that simple and powerful.

Sovereignty is our birthright, but you must choose it.

So many women do not have the capacity to choose. They run the risk of getting killed or imprisoned if they choose to love someone of the same gender or get educated or leave the house without covering their head (let alone their entire body).

Now, I know there are parents out there who say to their children, “Eat what’s on your plate! There are children in Africa who are starving.” They use this truth as a manipulation, a bit of a guilt-trip to get their kids to finish their peas and carrots.

I’m coming from a different place with this; not as a manipulation or a guilt-trip, but rather, a call to action.

Your choices matter.

When you exercise your freedom and CHOOSE to awaken, to embody, and to choose, you take your power back. And when we all stand in our sovereignty, we stand in solidarity with all sisters (and brothers) who don’t have the same privileges we do.This has more impact and momentum than we may ever truly know.

Now is the time, more than ever, to choose what you desire. To stand up for the causes you care about. To show up for yourself and what matters most to you.

If you are with me…

If you’re ready to ditch the ABC’s that are killing you and choose the ABC’s that will set you free, engage with me. Let me hear your voice by posting a comment below. What are you daring to choose today? Join The Daring Project, it’s free for 30-days! Click here to join.

A Tiny Tool of Transformation – Part 1

If I’ve had kids, don’t I need a bigger egg? No.

I’m a virgin, can I still use a Jade Egg? – Yes.

I have trouble with incontinence, will the Jade Egg help? – Yes.

I’m older, haven’t had sex in a long time, have vaginal dryness and no desire, will this Jade Egg thing work? – Yes.

I would like to have more orgasms and heard that having a toned vagina is important, can I get this using the Jade Egg? – Yes.

Everyday I get questions like these from women around the world who are seeking natural, empowering solutions to supporting their sexual health and deepening their pleasure.

It is natural to seek knowledge and to default to ‘google’ to finding our answers, but when it comes to our most intimate self, we would be served to use a good dose of discernment as there are many marketing ploys that are directed specifically at the very points of pain we yearn to heal for ourselves.

That said, let’s have a look more closely at this infamous Jade Egg, where did it all begin and why would we consider this as a viable option for our sensual and sexual wellbeing?

The Phenomenon of Jade Eggs

Although there are legends of Chinese empresses and concubines using the Jade Egg to remain sexually youthful, we can safely say that the Jade Egg practice is equally a modern day phenomenon.

When I was first exposed to Jade Eggs, there was a lot of mystical and poetic language that came along with it. Although it was initially lovely, it wasn’t until I had a dedicated practice that the true secrets of the Jade Egg revealed themselves.

Through taking what I learned in my own practice and sharing it with thousands of women of all ages and walks of life; I also learned what worked, what was obviously not designed for the everyday woman, and what was best left to legend.

It is this grassroots experience of working directly with women from around the globe that has revealed to me the truth of the Jade Egg practice and I have come to think of it as a tiny tool of transformation.

The Amazing Benefits Of Using A Jade Egg

The benefits of having a dedicated Jade Egg practice are numerous, ranging from the purely physical to the emotional & the spiritual (see part 2).

Why Jade? is a very common question which I have answered in one of my videos entitled: CLEARING THE CONFUSION ABOUT JADE. In essence, it’s one of our most hygienic options for having a completely natural ‘intimate tool’.

Here are 6 of the many amazing benefits we can reap from this practice:

1. Pelvic Health:

Let’s begin with what happens to our body, especially our vagina and pelvic floor when we engage in the proper use of the Jade Egg.

I say proper because there is a lot of hype about using the Jade Egg to create pelvic/vaginal tone. Yet too much practice or too much intensity focused on creating more tone can actually have the opposite of the desired affect of more ‘vaginal tightness’.

Our pelvis is part of our pleasure system and is infused with incredible pathways which can lead to exquisite orgasms and pleasure.

If we over-stress the muscles, we can actually create too much tension which can lead to atrophy and/or impede our delicate pleasure pathways and diminish or prevent us from experience our full spectrum of pleasure.

That said, one of the great physical benefits of effectively using the Jade Egg is having the tone of a healthy trampoline, which is fantastic and core to a life-time of bliss.

2. Vaginal Health:

Another benefit is that we are stimulating the localized production of estrogen. When our vagina sits unloved for prolonged periods of time, it does shut-down, thin-out, and dry-out.

By wearing the Jade Egg regularly, we give our vagina the opportunity to exercise and therefore, reestablish vitality and resilience.

And yes, this is true for women well into their 60s, 70s, & even 80s.

3. Accessing Our Pleasure Pathways:

Our pelvis & sexual organs are rich with neural pathways that can be entrained and accentuated for more and more pleasure.

The correct use of the Jade Egg enables you not only to innervate your pelvis and vagina—literally growing new nerves and therefore, expanding your pleasure potential— but it also helps you develop the somatic (physical) awareness of this subtle, yet powerful network of delight.

Our delicate, yet powerful pelvis & vagina does’t wake up through the intense over-stimulation of vibrators (in fact, this can have a numbing affect if over-used) nor from the thrusting motion of intercourse.

Waking up our ‘sleeping beauty’ requires consistent, regular infusions of conscious and un-rushed touch.

This is especially true if we have suffered from trauma to this area of our body.

4. Post-Trauma Recovery:

There is no amount of talk-therapy that can shift the tissues wherein our trauma is stored.

This is where consciously using a Jade Egg can be an effective tool both to repattern cellular memory and assist in regaining a healthy balance in our sensual tissues.

This is where the link between our sensual/sexual self and our psyche (emotions/mind) comes in and I will cover this in Part 2 of this article.

5. Birth Training & Post-Birth Recovery:

There are very few practices that teach us how to give birth. There are several Jade Egg exercises that I share which directly teach us about how to birth.

We can also use these practices post-birth to assist our pelvis, uterus, & vagina to return to a pre-birth state.

Plus, these same practices are the ones that can wake up our yoni’s (genitals) to experiencing vaginal, cervical, and uterine orgasms!

6. Sexual Mastery:

Becoming masterful with the use of the Jade Egg will translate into your sexual play with a partner.

In fact, once you have awakened your vagina in this way, you possess sexual skill that not only will delight your partner, but that will equally create more pleasure for you.

If you are curious to learn more about the misconceptions about using a Jade Egg or want to see how to prepare her for use, check out the videos I have made for you on this page – Introducing The Jade Egg

If learning to effectively use the Jade Egg is something you would like to learn, I recommend starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

If you enjoyed this article, please like, share it, join the Succulence Revolution, & leave me your thoughts below in the comment section.

If you’d like to go directly to Part 2 of this article — Click here

Posts

The ABCs That Kill

The Phenomenon Of The Jade Egg – Part 1

A Tiny Tool of Transformation – Part 1