October 2012 – Saida Desilets

Why Do Over 62.5 Million Women Suffer From It?

You are with your partner, you care for them, but you haven’t had sex in months…

Actually, it has been YEARS since you have desired sex and intimacy…

To make matters worse, every time your partner initiates sex, your whole body freezes in terror. Headaches, yeast infections, or debilitating vaginal pain show up as the perfect diversion.

Or maybe it’s numbness from masking the pain of your partner’s affair until you forget what its like to surrender to your heart and body.

Perhaps secretly you tell yourself that you HATE sex and feel like your libido is somewhat of a lost relic.

The longer this goes on, the more you are starved from a deep, unmet need—the desire to belong, to be loved, and to be expressed as an erotically alive woman.

Sexual Anorexia or ‘starving our eros’ is more common and insidious then we think.

Mountains of false perceptions and sexual propaganda are constantly stealing our attention, leading us away from our own living truth.

One such lie is that ‘it’s too late’, that we are ‘too old to bother’. But experience tells otherwise:

Take Rebecca*, in her mid-70s, small, refined, yet brittle. Her face etched with deep lines of sadness reveals the truth: 30 sexless years. And the sex she did have was unpleasant, at times painful, and most often something to ‘get over with’.

With timid, yet dedicated determination, she embarked on a great archaeological adventure to recover her erotic nature. Once excavated, she discovered her own fountain of youth!

Rebecca claimed her erotic self, rejuvenated her sexual health, and promptly claimed a young 52 year old lover.

Rebecca’s story isn’t a miracle. It is every women’s birthright.

When we recognize that the pain of staying the same is more painful than change itself, we have taken the first step to Erotic Transformation.

Erotic Transformation is only one choice away.

Making the choice to move towards transforming our erotic selves is an act of true dedication, one worthy of our attention.

The adventure of digging deeply into ourselves is often derailed by the depths of our sadness.

To make matters more complicated, we may shy away from our murky swamps of self-criticism or our ill-fated traps of self-doubt.

Yet persevere we must!

Over 62.5 million women in America alone suffer from being erotically under or unexpressed. This staggering statistic is rising more each year.

The reason?

We have forgotten to claim our erotic nature.

Without eros—that which animates life—we are lifeless.

We age quickly and suffer untold emotional and physical imbalances.

Many of us have lost hope. Many of us have never known hope.

Our Eros is not lost. It is just hidden deep within us.

Steps to Reclaiming our Erotic Nature:

Where ever you are now is perfect. When you can accept yourself exactly as you are this is, ironically, when things change.
Loving yourself into wholeness. Whatever dares reveal itself, trust that it is there to be loved into wholeness.
Turn towards yourself. All our wounds are points of power. As we turn our attention towards ourselves, our curious nature will reveal the hidden gift within our pain.
What you think isn’t always true. Be willing to redefine yourself from moment to moment. If you think ‘I can’t’, follow through with ‘but I will take this step regardless’.
Only move as fast as the slowest part of you. What’s the big rush? Notice what parts of yourself are consistently left behind and start to slow down enough to include them. You will find that you will no longer take one step forward, yet two steps back. All your steps will be forward.

And let me tell you a little secret—a secret I plucked from the depths of my own personal hell.

Terrified, I refused to open my eyes for the fear of meeting the ugliest of the ugly within me.

Yet in that moment of profound fear, I peeked.

And what I saw stunned me.

There was only beauty in there.

My monsters were just my perceptions, mere shadows. Once revealed they lost all their power.

Through discovering this, I was then able to journey with others as they slay their own monsters.

I can say with confidence that thousands of women found the same secret, once they were finally willing to open their eyes.

Loving ourselves into wholeness whilst daring to explore our own erotic nature is an essential part of my work. Click to get your own copy my book to continue to explore this topic further.

*Name has been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.

When The World Is Hurting?!

How could I possibly focus on pleasure when there is so much pain and suffering in the World? That feels completely juvenile!

Everyday I hear of another disaster or another hardship that people in the world are suffering from, I honestly can’t make time for such petty things as personal pleasure.

My children and my husband need me! I don’t have time for myself, especially not my erotic self, are you crazy?!

All the sexual abuse and sexual disease in the world makes me feel like I would rather never be sexual again, just to be safe.

Why we have no time for pleasure.

Pleasure is connected to leisure. Two words foreign to most women.

Face it, we have much work to do and a mountain of responsibilities! Who has time for pleasure?!

Who doesn’t?!

Pleasure is part of our human experience. We are designed to actually move towards pleasure and away from pain.

Our body functions more optimally when we are running a current of pleasure versus the current of stress.

In fact, stress wears us out.

Stress ages us rapidly and makes us short-tempered. It also increases our chances of housing a disease with each moment we spend stressed out.

So if we really were sincere about caring for others, we first would care for ourselves.

Why offer them anything but the best?

When we give from a place of resentment, others feel this. Even if you try to hide it, it is obvious as a pink elephant in the room.

And if our system were to get sick, those who we care for would suddenly be forced to care for us. There are many stories of young children having to age beyond their years and care for sick parents.

When we do this, we rob children of the carefree joys of childhood, burdening them too quickly with the hard truths of life. Therefore, keeping ourselves functioning at our best is vital if we are to genuinely have a positive and impactful presence in the lives of those we love.

The disease of stress.

Stress is contagious.

Have you ever been in a room with a stressed out person? It’s impossible not to feel it! Your own stomach tightens, your own breath gets more shallow, and your expanded spirit starts to contract.

Why?

We are mammals. We have a mammalian brain. This part of us connects us to every other living mammal in our proximity.

In fact, it is through this silent language that we communicate the most powerfully.

Dr. Thomas Lewis, Author of a General Theory of Love, states:

“Because our minds seek one another through limbic resonance, because our physiologic rhythms answer to the call of limbic regulation, because we change one another’s brains through limbic revision—what we do inside relationships matters more than any other aspect of human life.”

Simply put: who we are has tremendous impact on others.

Wouldn’t you want to offer another inspiration, beauty, comfort, delight, and love?

It is within all of us to give the real gift of love: our whole, radiant self.

But we have nothing honest to offer if we are suffering on any level of our being, albeit physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual.

What is the single most value offering we can give?

The best of who we are.

What does this mean? It means to be healthy and radiant on every level of our being.

By having good physical health, we can enjoy others and we have more energy to give to others! In fact, it is impossible to very efficient when our own energy is low or non-existent.

With good emotional and psychological health, we are able to see the gifts in others and in all of our situations. We have healthy boundaries and we empower others to empower themselves.

We also become people that others love being around and are inspired by.

With our pleasure, others experience pleasure. This means that their hormonal system shifts out of its detrimental stress circuit and starts to synchronize itself with cascades of living enhancing hormones.

So does this mean we cannot have bad days or get sick?

Not at all. It does means that when we do we love ourselves as human.

We allow others to see that we are vulnerable, just as they are, and we are willing to receive as much as we are willing to give.

When we live from a more pleasureful and balanced place, we literally teach our children, family members, and friends how to live that way too.

When more people are in a healthy state, we then have more energy and more intelligence to resolve our local and global issues.

Nothing can be more valuable then taking a few minutes per day to fill our pleasure tank and live from a more aligned, inspired, and radiant place.

Does caring for yourself AND having both energy and time to contribute to your family and community turn you on?

I’ve written two books that explore your desire and your sensuality. I invite you to check them out — Emergence of the Sensual Woman and Desire. I’d love to hear your feedback on the article, and the books, once you’ve read them.