To Kegel or Not to Kegel:

How Too Much Of A Good Thing Is Bad For You.

We’ve all heard of doing at least 300 Kegels* per day to increase our pleasure and pelvic health.

In the 1940s, *Dr. Kegal created pelvic floor exercises (focusing on the PuboCoccygeus muscle aka PC muscle) which he prescribed along with using a Perineometer (biofeedback device) for incontinent women.

Now the problem is that we rarely see biofeedback devices being used with these exercises nor do we understand the implications of 300+ PC contractions/day.

In fact, doing so many contractions can actually lead to deteriorating our pelvic floor.

Squeezing For Pleasure

“In popular literature, Kegel’s exercises are most frequently described as those which have to do with the “stopping and starting the flow of urine”.  As a simple means of pubococcygeus muscle identification, this test is educational—but only for those who already have strong muscles.  It was never intended to be the “instructional tool” that it has become in women’s magazines. Indeed, Elizabeth Noble even warns against this practice, which often leads only to “anxiety, stress and loss of control”3.” – John D. Perry, PhD & Leslie Talcott Hullett, MS, RN

The popularity of ‘squeezing for pleasure’ and pelvic health has reached its peak, having been taken on by doctors, nurses, women’s magazines, and women’s health practitioners around the world.

There are literally hundreds of programs on how to ‘work-out’ the pelvic floor for the goal of a toned and tight vagina.

The problem is that these programs are creating both physical & psychological tension that result in a reduction in pleasure.

On a psychological level, it affirms that here is something insufficient or not-good-enough about our own sexual anatomy.

This thought alone can spiral us into anxiety and depression, which contributes to worsening our pelvic health as well as possibly reducing or killing our libido entirely.

On a physical level, the problem isn’t exercising the pelvis. In fact, our pelvic needs to be exercised regularly, daily preferably.

But as with any healthy exercise program, there needs to be:

1. a gentle warm-up

2. attuning the mind/consciousness with the area being exercised

3. the exercise itself being done with joy (joy has been found to exponentially increase positive results exercise)

4. a cool down of gentle stretches and relaxation

In fact, if a vagina is too strong and too tight, it can impede relaxation necessary for orgasm along with actually squeezing the penis so hard that a man can lose his erection!

The 2 Missing Ingredients to Exquisite Pelvic Health & Pleasure

When it comes to pleasure, tightness and tone are only 1/3 of the picture.

The other 2/3’s is covered by the principles of suppleness and dexterity.

Suppleness is our ability to relax and melt open our vagina and pelvic floor.

Suppleness leads to greater and deeper orgasms. 

Too much tension in our pelvic muscles can inhibit healthy blood flow needed to engorge our genitals as well as possibly inhibiting sensation.

So contracting and relaxing are absolutely essential to our ability to cultivate our deeper pleasure potential.

Most of us find it fairly easy to squeeze and contract, whereas few of us really understand how to deeply melt open and soften our pelvic floor.

Then there is dexterity—our ability to skillfully use our pelvic muscles.

Dexterity of the vagina is hardly known or spoken of, yet it is the KEY secret to profound pleasure for women!

Our vagina is surrounded by layers of different pelvic floor muscles and when we learn how to access, squeeze and contract them, we literally awaken our vagina in ways we never dreamed of.

The more skill we have in ‘playing the flute’ (squeezing and relaxing different sections of our vagina), the more we awaken our vagina and the more we claim our deep, pelvic pleasure for ourselves!

Here’s the thing, vagina’s barely wake up by strong contractions and/or thrusting alone.

Spiral movements of a skilled finger, toy, or penis starts to increase sensation in our vagina.

But the true awakening happens when there is no external movement, but rather with a range of exquisite internal movements (equally resulting in gorgeous pleasure for our partner as well).

This means that we literally pleasures ourself through rippling, milking, pulsing movements of our vagina.

These movements ennervate our vagina and send exquisite signals of orgasmic pleasure throughout our pelvis and whole body, igniting our brains so we literally experience a transcendent connection with life.

Best of all, its never too late to learn, refine, and enjoy our very own awakened and dextrous yoni.

If it feels delicious for you to explore and deepen your pleasure potential, check out my unique, in-depth Jade Egg practice. Click to get your own copy of my book and enjoy exploring the Jade Egg.

You Are Gourmet, So Stop Acting Like Drive-Thru!

Are you feel tired of being alone?

Do you wonder where all the delicious, conscious partners have gone to?

When you see another woman madly in love and being adored by her partner, does your heart squeeze painfully as you hide your own desperate need to be met?

How many more unfulfilling and uninspiring dates will you need to go on before you finally ‘strike gold’?

May be you have found someone you really enjoy, but have no clue how to ‘keep them interested’?

Whatever your relationship issues are, there is one fundamental flaw in how most women approach partnership:

We behave like drive-thru.

The following is a story told by the Wintu Tribal Elders of California:

How The Female Eagle Chooses Her Mate

When it comes time for the female Eagle to choose her mate, she prepares herself for many suitors. And many come before her. 

She looks them over quite well and then picks one to fly with for awhile.

If she likes the way he flies she finds a small stick, picks it up and flies high with it. At some point she will drop the stick to see if the male can catch it. 

If he does, then she finds a larger stick and flies with it much higher this time. 

Each time the male catches the sticks, she continues to pick up larger and larger sticks. When she finds the largest, heaviest stick that she herself can carry, the stick is at this point almost the size of a small log! But she can still fly very high with this large stick. 

At any time in this process, if the male fails to catch the stick, she flies away from him as her signal that the test is now over. She begins her search all over again. 

And when she again finds a male she is interested in, she starts testing him in the exact same way. And she will continue this “testing” until she finds the male Eagle who can catch all the sticks. 

And when she does, she chooses him, and will mate with him for life. 

One of the reasons for this test is that at some point they will build a nest together high up and will then have their Eaglettes. When the babies begin to learn to fly, they sometimes fall instead. It is then that the male must catch his young. And he does! 

Women, how well do you “test” your suitors before you allow them into your life?   

blog_TSR_013

This story speaks to how we have forgotten that we are actually gourmet, worthy of respect, devotion, and adoration.

Instead, we behave like drive-thru, allowing ourselves to bargain for love.

We don’t bother to see if the person is actually worthy of receive our love, our beauty, and our deepest, most delicious delights.

Why do we do this?

In part, relationship has been cheapened. Initially, we consider our virginity a disease, attempting to get rid of it as quickly as possible.

Then, wanting to come across as the hottest sex goddess in town, we shush our yearning hearts and gift our bodies to unworthy recipients.

We know they are unworthy because we are left feeling empty and unmet.

To compound things, we have our biological clocks ticking and literally making us ‘mad’. Mad enough to get pregnant with someone with whom we really would rather NOT share the rest of our life with.

Finally, we are left in sexless and loveless marriages, where we feel ugly, unloved, and barren of any enthusiasm for beauty and adventure.

But there is a solution to this downward spiral.

Gourmet Relationship.

To attract a gourmet relationship, we must first be willing to be gourmet!

This means that we fill our own plates first! We do this by deepening and enriching our primary relationship with ourselves, becoming our own best friend, lover, and partner.

When we have a full gourmet plate and we are clear on what is non-negotiable for us, we can step confidently into the world of dating.

In fact, because we are so satisfied with our own connection with ourselves, we are no longer behaving like a woman in desperate need.

Neediness is unattractive.

It implies that we are empty and that someone else must do the filling. Any healthy person would shy away from this knowing that it is impossible to fill an empty hole.

When we are whole, we no longer look for our better half. We have already found it!

Instead, we become irresistible, magnetic, and someone worthy of wooing.

Gourmet relationship is one where two whole and sovereign people come together for the sake of delighting in each other, for the joy of sharing the adventure of life, and for the celebration of their uniqueness.

Want to put an end to lifeless and unfulfilling relationship? Click here to get my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.