You Are Gourmet, So Stop Acting Like Drive-Thru!

Are you feel tired of being alone?

Do you wonder where all the delicious, conscious partners have gone to?

When you see another woman madly in love and being adored by her partner, does your heart squeeze painfully as you hide your own desperate need to be met?

How many more unfulfilling and uninspiring dates will you need to go on before you finally ‘strike gold’?

May be you have found someone you really enjoy, but have no clue how to ‘keep them interested’?

Whatever your relationship issues are, there is one fundamental flaw in how most women approach partnership:

We behave like drive-thru.

The following is a story told by the Wintu Tribal Elders of California:

How The Female Eagle Chooses Her Mate

When it comes time for the female Eagle to choose her mate, she prepares herself for many suitors. And many come before her. 

She looks them over quite well and then picks one to fly with for awhile.

If she likes the way he flies she finds a small stick, picks it up and flies high with it. At some point she will drop the stick to see if the male can catch it. 

If he does, then she finds a larger stick and flies with it much higher this time. 

Each time the male catches the sticks, she continues to pick up larger and larger sticks. When she finds the largest, heaviest stick that she herself can carry, the stick is at this point almost the size of a small log! But she can still fly very high with this large stick. 

At any time in this process, if the male fails to catch the stick, she flies away from him as her signal that the test is now over. She begins her search all over again. 

And when she again finds a male she is interested in, she starts testing him in the exact same way. And she will continue this “testing” until she finds the male Eagle who can catch all the sticks. 

And when she does, she chooses him, and will mate with him for life. 

One of the reasons for this test is that at some point they will build a nest together high up and will then have their Eaglettes. When the babies begin to learn to fly, they sometimes fall instead. It is then that the male must catch his young. And he does! 

Women, how well do you “test” your suitors before you allow them into your life?   


This story speaks to how we have forgotten that we are actually gourmet, worthy of respect, devotion, and adoration.

Instead, we behave like drive-thru, allowing ourselves to bargain for love.

We don’t bother to see if the person is actually worthy of receive our love, our beauty, and our deepest, most delicious delights.

Why do we do this?

In part, relationship has been cheapened. Initially, we consider our virginity a disease, attempting to get rid of it as quickly as possible.

Then, wanting to come across as the hottest sex goddess in town, we shush our yearning hearts and gift our bodies to unworthy recipients.

We know they are unworthy because we are left feeling empty and unmet.

To compound things, we have our biological clocks ticking and literally making us ‘mad’. Mad enough to get pregnant with someone with whom we really would rather NOT share the rest of our life with.

Finally, we are left in sexless and loveless marriages, where we feel ugly, unloved, and barren of any enthusiasm for beauty and adventure.

But there is a solution to this downward spiral.

Gourmet Relationship.

To attract a gourmet relationship, we must first be willing to be gourmet!

This means that we fill our own plates first! We do this by deepening and enriching our primary relationship with ourselves, becoming our own best friend, lover, and partner.

When we have a full gourmet plate and we are clear on what is non-negotiable for us, we can step confidently into the world of dating.

In fact, because we are so satisfied with our own connection with ourselves, we are no longer behaving like a woman in desperate need.

Neediness is unattractive.

It implies that we are empty and that someone else must do the filling. Any healthy person would shy away from this knowing that it is impossible to fill an empty hole.

When we are whole, we no longer look for our better half. We have already found it!

Instead, we become irresistible, magnetic, and someone worthy of wooing.

Gourmet relationship is one where two whole and sovereign people come together for the sake of delighting in each other, for the joy of sharing the adventure of life, and for the celebration of their uniqueness.

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11 replies
  1. GoddessGift LT
    GoddessGift LT says:

    I absolutely love the fodder in this sharing Saida. As we awaken our sensual selves and become FREE, the dilema exists of a worthy lover and/or worthy partner. The two sometimes are mutually exclusive. That said, I believe what is absolutely KEY is your words on WHOLENESS. You see, a fractured needy woman should be careful about testing. If testing comes from an EGO centered place, it is unloving, lack consciousness and karmic. Yes? However, even in the testing and moving. . . .we can bless the men, as we move. It doesn’t have to be superior/inferior but Self-LOVING, abundant blessing. I live in an urban area where women know their material worth yet are disconnected from their interiors. Still, the Succulent Woman does face this process that requires trust and deeper self-love to BELIEVE that she will not be testing all of her life. Thank you for the sisterly encouragement.

  2. gertie
    gertie says:

    i just got in RDCongo a feather of an eagle as a present for my visit deep in the jungle….and love this story so wise and true you wrote down for us

  3. Viola
    Viola says:

    Eagle is a very bright raptor for sure but what remains for me is this: are women really well-suited for life-long mating? While there is great value in having someone to share child-rearing responsibilities, and noting that I have from time-to-time met couples that were truly still enjoying themselves and one another after 40 or 50 years, I am convinced that the pressure felt by women to align with what is a social construct, not a biological necessity, is the cause of much unhappiness and the draining of the life force (succulence) from many a woman. As in the story of the eagle, I still believe we should carefully select those with whom we share our bodies but would appreciate a perspective that allows for a variety of ways for women to live and express sensuality. Here’s to Succulent Women everywhere – may they live freely and as they choose!

    • GoddessGift LT
      GoddessGift LT says:

      I wholeheartedly agree with you Viola. There are enough cautions to women who embody a sensual connection with themselves to be careful. There is also beauty in choosing to express without attachment for the purpose of healing and other forms of creativity. Is that along the lines of your thinking as well?

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Viola! Yes! I am not saying HOW long women need to be with a partner. The main point I wanted to make is that we do not have to bargain for love or treat ourselves like drive-thru. It is possible to have multiple gourmet relationships, the key word here being gourmet.

  4. beejgalvan
    beejgalvan says:

    Absolutely perfectly offered! Love this, so poignant and deeply profound. Let’s fly high with big sticks ladies! So happy to hear this today. Blessings and gratitude.

  5. Yasmin Zuvuya
    Yasmin Zuvuya says:

    Gorgeous! Thank you sweet heart for such a lovely metaphor of the eagle choosing her mate.
    What a wonderful metaphor for women to come from this healthy and powerful place within her, knowing that indeed we are the ones that choose! xoxox

  6. Katharine
    Katharine says:

    Saida. Once again thank you for your insights. I love the eagle story! I was the eagle who didn’t wait until the stick was progressively bigger. I don’t look back but forward towards learning how to be a fully loving person to myself. This makes so much sense. Honestly at a “very young” 60 flying again is both scary and worrisome that the bio-clock is, well, ticking weaker. However, I am learning that my focus can’t be drive-thru (even now) it has to remain gourmet–no matter what happens, no matter what is in store.

  7. Andrée
    Andrée says:

    Is it so very true what you describe about early on and then the biological clock, etc, this is exactly what happened to me. Now, I’m 58 and my hormones are not driving me anymore, I will make good choices for ME!
    Love the eagle story!

  8. Sunshine
    Sunshine says:

    “When we have a full gourmet plate and we are clear on what is non-negotiable for us, we can step confidently into the world of dating.” I love the way you get a point across, Saida. This was something I needed to be reminded of today. Big love!

  9. Sarah
    Sarah says:

    I love this! That female eagle is one very smart bird – I love the way she drops her standards for no male! And rightly so! And what is so extraordinary is the way you described the reason why and how we behave like drive thru’s; i was slightly shocked at the thought that many of us had done the same thing – that is obvious, because it sounded like me in the past! And clearly you would not have voiced it if you hadn’t had insight into others patterns also. So….. yes the gourmet relationship sounds so much more honouring and why wouldn’t we???? For goodness (or maybe that should read Goddess) sake, we are all worth it and picking through the smorgasbord and only settling for the gourmet section sounds good to me! Committing to our own wholeness allows us to celebrate and love our authentic selves – and then joining with someone who meets the real us in our wholeness – that’s when true joy and fulfilment flows.


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