3 Keys To Healing Your Relationship With The Inner Masculine

The #MeToo posts that swept through social media recently have lifted the conversation of sexual abuse and harassment out of the shadows and into the spotlight.

Along the way, these posts, and the responses to them, revealed something big…

As men came forward and shared their own #metoo posts, acknowledging the abuse they’ve experienced, they got met with anger and criticism.

Some women reacted with, “This is about the women, not you!” and “Who are you to #metoo? You’re the cause of this problem in the first place!”

I’m sorry to say, but these women, while possibly well intentioned and part of the female empowerment movement, have gotten it wrong. Their reaction reflects a huge lack of understanding. We do NOT need to get angry and push away the masculine. That’s the cause of alienation in the first place.

This righteous anger keeps us small and limited. It also reveals our own wounding: We women don’t have a healthy relationship with our inner masculine.

We don’t honor our boundaries.

We don’t say NO when we mean NO.

We don’t speak up for ourselves.

How can we have the intimate, sexually exciting and satisfying relationships we desire when we’re struggling with our own inner masculine?

How can we invite men into our lives to be allies and collaborators for the changes we wish to see in the world when we’re disconnected from our own inner masculine?

The outer reflects the inner.

The best way to change what’s going on in our relationships is to do the inner work required to heal this wound.

It’s time to stop pointing fingers and start looking at – and actively engaging with – our own inner masculine wounding. Only when we heal our inner split can we begin to heal the schism in our relationships and the collective.

3 Keys To Healing Your Relationship With The Inner Masculine

Use these 3 keys to heal the split within so you can experience the wholeness and fulfillment that comes from the “inner marriage”: the dynamic unification of the inner masculine and the inner feminine. Only then can you experience it in your romantic partnership and beyond.

Key #1: Know & Honor Your Boundaries

Picture a river flowing peacefully through the countryside. The current can be strong in places, languid in others. It knows where it is heading. Yet the river requires a strong, firm riverbank to hold and contribute to its power and direction. The river shapes the bank just as the bank in turn shapes the path of the river.

This is the beautiful dance of the masculine and the feminine, especially when it comes to boundaries. We, the feminine flowing river, require the masculine river bank; the clear and firm boundaries to uphold our power and integrity.

Without boundaries, without the riverbank, we merge with others and lose all sense of self. Yet with rigid boundaries, we lose our own fluidity and flow, and aren’t able to receive support and contributions from other sources. With clear and firm boundaries, we’re able to be in more intimate and real relationship with ourselves and others.

Questions to consider:

  1. What are your boundaries when it comes to alone time? Do you allow yourself to have alone time every day or every week? Or do you instead always make yourself available to your partner, children, friends and other family?
  2. What are your boundaries when it comes to how you communicate with your partner? How you fight? How and what you share with each other? Do you even know? And if you know, do you honor them?
  3. What are your boundaries when it comes to flirting and dating? What kind of physical touch is okay on a first date? What kind of physical touch isn’t okay? Do you even know? And if you know, do you honor them?It is your responsibility to know and honor your boundaries. Don’t give away that responsibility to anyone else. Once you know your boundaries, you need to share them with the people close to you so they can then know and respect them. But it starts with YOU.

Key #2: Honor Your NO

As women we have been domesticated to be pleasant and accommodating. We become people-pleasers and avoid any form of conflict.

We’ve misinterpreted NO to mean something is wrong, something is bad, and our relationship with whomever we’re saying NO to is now in jeopardy. For how can someone still like, respect and even love us if we say NO to their request or demand?

But the reality is, your unspoken NO does more damage to you than anyone else. Your unspoken NO erodes trust and confidence in yourself; it dissolves your sense of self-worth; and it also leaves you high at risk for developing depression or heart disease or other physical-emotional-mental ailment that occurs with this kind of stress on your body.

So, my dear, I strongly encourage you to begin honoring your NO. When something doesn’t feel right, honor your own knowing. That’s where your NO begins.

Questions to consider:

  1. How many times in your life have you said YES when you really meant NO? Would you be willing to forgive yourself for that and make different choices going forward?
  2. What is one situation in your life where you’re currently saying YES or remaining silent when you know the truth is you want to say NO? What step can you take today to begin honoring your NO?
  3. When you honor your NO, you’re letting yourself and everyone around you know that you matter; that your choices matter; that you have a right to choosing what works for you and what doesn’t. You gain confidence, self-esteem and trust in yourself. You also become an even more positive role model for other women and your children; you send a loud and clear message that it is okay to have a YES and a NO.

Key #3: Honor Your Voice & Speak Up

In many of the #metoo posts I read, women shared how, as they were being violated, they couldn’t yell out. They could hear the words in their mind wanting to be screamed, “NO!” and “HELP!” and “What’s going on? This is NOT okay!” But their voices were on lockdown. They couldn’t speak out, even though they knew what was occurring was wrong.

If you have also had this experience, I really want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve also had this experience and know how painful it is. Not speaking up in a situation that we know is harmful to ourselves or another often leads to self-loathing and judgment… but that response will not change or heal anything.

As I already shared in Key #2, we as women have been trained to remain silent, to not speak up for ourselves or others. It’s daring for us to honor our voices and speak up! It’s revolutionary! And it’s essential to our evolution as individuals and the collective.

Questions to consider:

  1. How many times in your life have you not honored your voice and spoken up? Would you be willing to forgive yourself for that and make different choices going forward?
  2. What is one situation in your life where you’re currently not honoring your voice? What step can you take today to begin speaking up for yourself?
  3. Your voice is one of your most valuable instruments, and it can take practice using it powerfully and skillfully, just like with any other instrument.

As you put these 3 keys into practice, you’ll discover a whole new dynamically unified YOU. And when you’re experiencing the “inner marriage,” you will become more attractive to the kinds of relationships and partnerships you truly desire.

Before you go, let’s take this one step further…

Share with me below which key you’re struggling with the most, and the one step you’re going to take TODAY to put it into action.

~ If knowing and honoring your boundaries is your biggest challenge, what is one new healthy boundary you’re going to establish today?

~ If honoring your NO is your biggest challenge, what step can you take today to begin honoring your NO?

~ If honoring your voice is your biggest challenge, how might you speak up for yourself today? (Posting a comment below is a great way to begin honoring your voice! Although it’s written and not spoken, it’s you allowing your voice and your opinions to be heard.)

I love hearing from you and look forward to supporting you in being in action with healing the relationship with your inner masculine.

The ABCs That Kill

It’s become an epidemic…

As Western women, we have the power to choose. But so many women – too many women – are choosing not to choose.

They’re bored, overwhelmed or numbed out. They’re moving through life on auto-pilot, favoring safety over freedom. They’re behaving like they don’t matter; like their voices don’t matter; like their choices don’t have an impact.

That’s what cracked my heart open today: realizing the impact of free women who are NOT choosing their sovereignty every day.

There are women in other parts of the world who get stoned, shot at, ostracized or beaten for getting caught doing something as innocent as learning the ABC’s. Their hunger to learn how to read and write is never satiated. They’re made wrong for their desires. They don’t have the freedom to choose what they want.

As Western women, we have the privilege of choice. We have the freedom to learn how to read and write; to love who we love; to travel wherever we wish without a male escort; to wear what we desire; to start our own business or family when we want, if we want to; to do what we want when we want.

Yet there is another set of ABC’s that are killing us. These ABC’s aren’t the ones Malala got shot at by the Taliban for. But they carry their own dangers for us Western Women.

What are the ABC’s I’m referring to?

A = Apathy

B = Brokenness

C = Criticism

APATHY

If we’re not choosing, we’re choosing apathy.

Sure, apathy blocks out the poverty, inequality, abuse and tragedies of the world. But it also suppresses our deep caring and ability to heal. It builds a wall around our own genius so we can never fully access, let alone share, our gifts with the world.

Apathy deadens our senses, our capacity to feel pleasure and desire. We end up as empty shells, moving through life on auto-pilot, choosing safety and apathy over freedom and desire.

Apathy is a cop-out. It’s a way of avoiding the power and privilege that we Western Women have. The biggest danger of apathy is that it kills us before we’re even dead.

BROKENNESS

So many women – too many women – make the mistake of believing they are broken. They buy into the cultural training that they shouldn’t age, they shouldn’t gain weight, that they are too much or not enough, and that at their core, they are bad and wrong.

Women then spend their money on anti-aging products and practices; they invest their energy in diets, exercise regimes and trainings with authorities who supposedly know more than they do on how they should be and what they should do to be a “good” woman.

It is so sad to me that this culture of free women gives away our power to try and fix ourselves.

But the truth is, the more you think you’re anything less than perfect, the more you are wasting your life.

You are not broken. Quit trying to fix yourself.

CRITICISM

Take a moment to consider what your internal dialogue has sounded like over the last few hours.

Did you hear an inner voice saying things like, “I’m so beautiful!” And, “Oh, that croissant was so delicious. I’m so glad I chose to have it with extra butter.” And, “I did such a great job with that presentation. I showed up with confidence and handled their concerns brilliantly.”

Chances are, if you’re like the tens of thousands of women I’ve talked with over the years, your inner voice isn’t that kind. Instead, you may have heard an inner voice making comments like, “Oh my gosh! Is that another age spot?” And, “I can’t believe I ate that croissant. And with extra butter? I’m such a pig.” And, “What are they thinking of me now? I can’t believe I made that mistake with my presentation. I really messed that up.”

We as Western Women kill ourselves with criticism. With comparing ourselves to others and their expectations and judgments of us. We get so lost in the stories our inner unkind voice tells us that we lose sight of what is really important and what really matters to us.

How can you show up and be the greatness you truly are when you’re cutting yourself down with criticism?

‘Cause the truth is, you are great.

You are born to step into your greatness alongside all other great beings.

But if you keep letting Apathy, Brokenness and Criticism be your rulers, you will never know the power and possibilities of your sovereignty. You will never know the joy and pleasure of your freedom.

That’s why I invite you… I DARE you… to ditch those ABC’s and choose another, more empowering set of ABC’s that will change everything. These are the building blocks to a whole different way of living.

The ABCs that will set you free:

A = AWAKEN

B = (EM)BODY

C = CHOOSE

AWAKEN

The freedom that we have as Western Women comes with a responsibility: to awaken to our privilege and USE IT to create the kind of world we desire to live in.

Responsibility does NOT mean obligation, being a martyr, or getting hooked on some savior complex. What it DOES mean is taking responsibility for yourself and your gifts and using them to create more for yourself and for everyone.

Many women make the mistake, too, of thinking that when they awaken they will be overwhelmed with the pain of this world; they will feel all the needs and tugs for their attention; they will drown in the sea of sorrow and burn with rage. Dear one, I get it. Believe me, I really do.

It can be challenging to feel it all, to be with all the pain of this world. Yet you don’t have to remain in the pain or drown in it. Allow it all to crack your heart open to more of your caring, to the depths and beauty of our humanity, and ultimately, to the depth and breadth of your own extraordinariness.

Apathy is living in black and white. Awakening is living in technicolor. What do you really desire?

We can NOT afford to fall asleep. We can NOT afford the costs of apathy.

We also can NOT wait for someone – anyone – else to give us permission to awaken to our power and privileges.

Do not wait for your spouse, your partner, your father, your mother, your governor, or your president to give you permission to awaken from the domestication and trance that we’ve been trained to live by all our lives.

That day, and that permission, will never come. And even if it does, it is worthless until YOU give YOURSELF permission to awaken fully to your daring, desiring self.

No more waiting. It’s time to give yourself permission to AWAKEN.

(EM)BODY

When you embody, you come home to yourself. You stop believing you are broken and need fixing. You inhabit your sovereign ground and claim your right to be here.

How can you ever create what you desire if you’re not embodying your beautiful self and your life?

How can the world show up for you when you’re not showing up for yourself?

You’re either embodying or you’re abandoning yourself. Which will it be?

We need you in your body, loving your body and expressing all the truth and wisdom that lives inside. That is what will change the world.

When you are embodied, you are a force of nature. (Click to Tweet)

Your beauty and grace, your joy and pleasure, and everything else that is YOU is essential. The fullness of you is essential. So bring it on!

CHOOSE

You’re either exercising your freedom to choose – choose your partner, your business, your wardrobe, your lifestyle, your food, your desires – and claiming your power, or you’re not choosing and giving your power away. It’s really that simple and powerful.

Sovereignty is our birthright, but you must choose it.

So many women do not have the capacity to choose. They run the risk of getting killed or imprisoned if they choose to love someone of the same gender or get educated or leave the house without covering their head (let alone their entire body).

Now, I know there are parents out there who say to their children, “Eat what’s on your plate! There are children in Africa who are starving.” They use this truth as a manipulation, a bit of a guilt-trip to get their kids to finish their peas and carrots.

I’m coming from a different place with this; not as a manipulation or a guilt-trip, but rather, a call to action.

Your choices matter.

When you exercise your freedom and CHOOSE to awaken, to embody, and to choose, you take your power back. And when we all stand in our sovereignty, we stand in solidarity with all sisters (and brothers) who don’t have the same privileges we do.This has more impact and momentum than we may ever truly know.

Now is the time, more than ever, to choose what you desire. To stand up for the causes you care about. To show up for yourself and what matters most to you.

If you are with me…

If you’re ready to ditch the ABC’s that are killing you and choose the ABC’s that will set you free, engage with me. Let me hear your voice by posting a comment below. What are you daring to choose today? www.TheDaringProject.com

Explore Your Feminine Genius [Interview]

If you’ve been following my work, you know how much I love and pay respect to our inborn Erotic Genius.

This is why, when my friend LiYana Silver released her book, Feminine Genius, I was excited to interview her and share with you some of her thoughts.

Watch the Video below as we explore the topics of ‘issues in our tissues’ and ‘speaking our truth’ in masculine dominant environments:

I’d love to know your takeaway from this interview, so please leave me a comment below.

WOMEN: How To Stop Saying Yes When You Really Mean No

“Will you stay late to get that project done?”

How often have you said “Yes” to this kind of request even though you were looking forward to a special night with your partner/kids/dog/yourself?

“We really need another volunteer for this. Can we expect you there?”

How often have you said “Yes” to this kind of request even though your schedule is already maxed out with other obligations and responsibilities?

“Honey, can you drop this off at the dry cleaners today?”

“Mom, can you help me with my science project? It’s due tomorrow.”

“Darling, it will just take a moment, will you take care of that for me?”

How often have you said, “Yes, yes, yes,” when what you really wanted to say was, “NO! NO! NO!”?

If you’re like most women, you’ve said YES when you really meant NO too many times to count. Possibly a jazillion times. I know. I get it. This is truly an epidemic.

Why is it so hard to say NO to others?

Women have been socialized to be sweet, pleasant and accommodating. We are taught that saying NO is rude, impolite and unacceptable. We’ve been raised to say YES so that we avoid conflict, please others and don’t rock the boat.

But here’s a hard truth to swallow:

Every time we say YES to others when what we really want to say is NO, we are saying NO to ourselves, over and over and over again.

So while our YES might keep the peace with others, our internal NO erodes trust in ourselves and our integrity, every single time we say YES when we mean NO.

Take this in for a moment… it’s a difficult truth, isn’t it?

You can continue to be out of alignment with yourself if you choose. You can continue to say YES when you really mean NO. But be aware of the cost of this. As you erode trust in yourself you create inner dis-harmony. This leads to dis-ease, dissatisfaction and resentment.

Or you can choose right now, in this moment, to honor your truth going forward.

The more you honor your truth, the more you are in contact with your core and the essence of who you are. The more in harmony you are with yourself, the more ease and vitality you experience.

Integrity means speaking your truth with love and power. Integrity is also living by your own truth while remaining in alignment with the greatest good of humanity.

When you say NO when you mean NO you actually contribute to the greater good of humanity. I know this may challenge everything you’ve learned about life and relationships and what is acceptable. Yet it’s very true.

Because what this allows you to do is to say YES to what you really desire to say YES to.

When you say YES to your true desires, you have greater self-trust and integrity. Which leads to greater vitality. Which leads to you contributing more of your unique, passionate, creative expression and gifts to the world.

So my dear one, I invite you to consider four very powerful questions:

  • What do you really desire?

It can be anything! Perhaps you desire to get a massage, go to Maui for a vacation, or get a new sexy dress. Or perhaps you desire to get pregnant, find a lover, rekindle the spark in your relationship… Or enjoy pain-free sex, release shame, experience mind-blowing sex, love your body, have more confidence… Or get a latte on your way to work… Or pick up some strawberries and go play hooky in the park…

Whatever it is, get clear and honest with yourself. Your desires are a beautiful thing. They are a compass directing you to what is important, true and nourishing for you.

  • What (and who) have you been saying YES to that supports your desires?

Great! Congratulations. This is important to acknowledge. Keep choosing more of this so you continue forward in alignment with what is most important to you.

  • What (and who) have you been saying YES to that does not support your desires?

Again, be honest with yourself. Are you saying yes to your boss’ or business partner’s requests? Your partner’s? Your kid’s? Your mom’s? Requests to stay longer? Volunteer more? Take on more responsibilities?

Acknowledging what is not supporting what you truly desire is the first step to changing this so you can get on track with being in harmony with yourself.

  • What do you need to say NO to in order to say YES to what you desire?

This is where you get to be really honest with yourself. Identifying this is essential for getting out of this self-imposed trap. Then choosing to say YES to yourself and NO to others is the next step for you to take to come into greater alignment with yourself and your desires.

Together, let’s put an end to this epidemic of saying YES when you mean NO. It’s time to get aligned and say NO when you mean NO and YES when you mean YES.

I love hearing from you! Share your answers to these four powerful questions in the comments below. And most importantly, let me know, are you willing to choose right now in this moment to honor your truth going forward?

(Psst… If you desire having more pleasure and vitality in your life and relationships, experiencing pain-free and enjoyable sex and even mind-blowing orgasms, check out my Jade Egg Mastery Program here. Price goes up on Tuesday @ midnight. This is your chance to say YES to what you really desire!)

4 Stages From Domesticated to Wild

You become blocked from your inherent genius when you are domesticated. But as the desire to go beyond the confines of your limited life urges you forward, you hesitate…

You’ve been sold lies that it’s not safe to be wild. Are those lies true?

You’ve been told it’s not okay to leave the land of the domesticated pack to find your own way to another, wilder terrain. What can you trust? Who can you trust?

These are big questions, key questions that will unlock you from the lies you’ve been living. As you begin to question all that you’ve known, it’s important to know the 4 stages women go through as they choose to rewild themselves.

When you know these stages you can recognize where you are in the journey from being domesticated to becoming your authentic, wild and free self. They become your “signposts” in a very non-linear journey.

Here they are…

The 4 Stages From Domesticated to Wild

Stage 1: DOMESTICATED – IT’S ALL YOU KNOW.

You’re domesticated and you don’t realize it. You don’t even realize how much the conditioning is controlling your choices. This blog (and the previous one in this series) might be waking you up to seeing the conditioning. Great. Awareness is the first key.

Stage 2: DOMESTICATED – SCARED TO CHANGE.

You might be aware of the conditioning and yet it’s still running your choices. You haven’t found a way to break free of it. It’s like being an animal in a cage – you can see the bars but don’t know how to release yourself from the cage. Or you’re afraid to because of all the conditioning you’ve received about what it means to be wild. You believe it might be safer in the cage so you stay.

The truth is, safety kills your erotic genius and your innate sexual intelligence. What’s the cost of staying in the cage? A lifetime of unfulfillment? Of doubting yourself? Of desiring so much more yet never allowing yourself to experience that?  Recognizing you have choice is the second key.

Stage 3: WILD – EXPLORING.

You’re breaking through the conditioning yet now are uncertain – what is possible beyond domestication? You are seeking support, guidance, ideas, examples, other women who have walked this path or who are walking this path. Making your sexuality, sensuality and wildness your first priority, you’ve chosen to leave the cage and explore. This requires courage. This is the 3rd key.

Stage 4: WILD – MASTERY.

You are confident in your sexuality. You have come home to yourself. You are audacious. You are embodying your inherent genius. You know you are whole and perfect just as you are. You trust yourself. You are your own authority. You have sexual sovereignty.

You are wise to know that mastery requires practice. It’s not something that occurs overnight. You choose desire and pleasure as your lifestyle. You claim it as your birthright. You have un-defined femininity and sexuality and are living a life that turns you on. Devotion to yourself and your pleasure are the 4th key.

Take a moment to reflect: where are you right now? What stage are you in?

As I have shared with you before, please don’t judge yourself no matter where you are in your journey right now. Acknowledging where you are with love inspires you to make new choices so you can come home to your wild, free self.

I invite you to join me for a free webinar on Saturday, April 29th where we will dive deeper into this conversation about coming home to ourselves as wild, free, audacious women.

Click here for more information and to claim your spot in this community of women committed to going beyond the conditioning and daring to be our true selves:

The Audacity of Pleasure: How Dare You Make Pleasure Your Lifestyle?
3 Big Pitfalls & Promises of Pleasure

I look forward to seeing your beautiful, powerful self there!

3 Signs You’re Domesticated (And How To Rewild Yourself)

Thousands of women around the world have told me again and again that for much of their lives they looked to outside “experts” for answers. They thought these people (most often men) must know more – and better – than they do.

But of course! Isn’t that the way it is for a reason? There is a multi-billion dollar industry dedicated to telling women they are wrong and need to be fixed and that the solutions lie outside of themselves.

How could a multi-billion dollar industry be wrong?

Let that sink in for a moment…

There is a multi-billion dollar industry profiting from your insecurity; from your doubt and distrust of yourself. The lies this industry spews about women: who you should be, who you shouldn’t be, what you should do, what you shouldn’t do, are so pervasive. They can feel like the water you swim in: just the way it is.

But I’m here to tell you THIS IS NOT JUST THE WAY IT IS.

These lies have domesticated women and disconnected us from our own inherent genius within.

I say NO MORE! No more buying these lies. No more allowing ourselves to be tamed and trained to be smaller, controllable versions of ourselves.

Beautiful you, is it time you say NO MORE to these lies? NO MORE to being domesticated? No more to suppressing your greatness?

If so, congratulations. I celebrate your choice! By saying NO MORE to the lies you are also saying YES to yourself.

As you move forward from here it’s important to know the 3 signs that you are domesticated. When you can spot these signs in your own life, you begin to see the “water” you’ve been swimming in. This is the first step to rewilding yourself.

3 Signs You’re Domesticated:

  1. You defer to outside authorities on issues related to your body, your finances, your worth, your pleasure, your sexuality.
  2. You believe you are not good enough, woman enough, sexy enough, feminine enough, complete enough, orgasmic enough.
  3. You think you need to be perfect: the perfect sexual partner, the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect Board member, the perfect everything.

So, take a moment for an honest, loving, reality check with yourself.

How often do you defer to outside authorities? How much of your life have you spent obsessing with being good enough and being perfect?

Be kind with yourself. This is not the time for judging yourself. The domestication of women has rested on the power of being able to judge and shame you. So you get to be bigger than that, kinder than that. The only way to change this cycle of judgment is to stop the judgment.

How do you do this? Acknowledge that you’ve been domesticated and that you are choosing to change this. Don’t waste time or energy on judging what has been. Instead, set your sights to what is ahead…

There is so much inherent genius in your body, in your feminine psyche, in your pleasure. The only way to free yourself from domestication is to rewild yourself. And the only way to rewild yourself and free your greatness from suppression is to come home to yourself.

How?

~ Instead of looking outside yourself for answers, choose to be your own authority.

~ Instead of believing you are not enough, begin to love yourself into wholeness.

~ Instead of trying to be some perfect version of what others think you should be, begin to explore your authentic, true self within.

Coming home to yourself, to your true self, is the biggest gift you can give yourself. To support you in this journey, I invite you to join me on Saturday, April 29th for a free webinar as we dive deeper into this topic of rewilding ourselves.

Click the link below for more information and to claim your spot as a wild woman, a free woman, an audacious woman:

The Audacity of Pleasure: How Dare You Make Pleasure Your Lifestyle?
3 Big Pitfalls & Promises of Pleasure

Remember: You deserve to be free and wild. It is your birthright and the only way that your authentic self can know true pleasure and fulfillment.