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4 Questions To Stop You From Saying Yes When You Really Mean No

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“Will you stay late to get that project done?”

How often have you said “Yes” to this kind of request even though you were looking forward to a special night with your partner/kids/dog/yourself?

“We really need another volunteer for this. Can we expect you there?”

How often have you said “Yes” to this kind of request even though your schedule is already maxed out with other obligations and responsibilities?

“Honey, can you drop this off at the dry cleaners today?”

“Mom, can you help me with my science project? It’s due tomorrow.”

“Darling, it will just take a moment, will you take care of that for me?”

How often have you said, “Yes, yes, yes,” when what you really wanted to say was, “NO! NO! NO!”?

If you’re like most women, you’ve said YES when you really meant NO too many times to count. Possibly a gazillion times. I know. I get it. This is truly an epidemic.

Why is it so hard to say NO to others?

Women have been socialized to be sweet, pleasant and accommodating. We are taught that saying NO is rude, impolite and unacceptable. We’ve been raised to say YES so that we avoid conflict, please others and don’t rock the boat.

But here’s a hard truth to swallow:

Everytime we say YES to others when what we really want to say is NO, we are saying NO to ourselves, over and over and over again.

So while our YES might keep the peace with others, our internal NO erodes trust in ourselves and our integrity, every single time we say YES when we mean NO.

Take this in for a moment… it’s a difficult truth, isn’t it?

You can continue to be out of alignment with yourself if you choose. You can continue to say YES when you really mean NO. But be aware of the cost of this. As you erode trust in yourself you create inner dis-harmony. This leads to dis-ease, dissatisfaction and resentment.

Or you can choose right now, in this moment, to honor your truth going forward. The more you honor your truth, the more you are in contact with your core and the essence of who you are. The more in harmony you are with yourself, the more ease and vitality you experience.

Integrity means speaking your truth with love and power. Integrity is also living by your own truth while remaining in alignment with the greatest good of humanity.

When you say NO when you mean NO you actually contribute to the greater good of humanity. I know this may challenge everything you’ve learned about life and relationships and what is acceptable. Yet it’s very true.

Because what this allows you to do is to say YES to what you really desire to say YES to.

When you say YES to your true desires, you have greater self-trust and integrity. Which leads to greater vitality. Which leads to you contributing more of your unique, passionate, creative expression and gifts to the world.

So my dear one, I invite you to consider four very powerful questions:

  1. What do you really desire?It can be anything! Perhaps you desire to get a massage, go to Maui for a vacation, or get a new sexy dress. Or perhaps you desire to get pregnant, find a lover, rekindle the spark in your relationship… Or enjoy pain-free sex, release shame, experience mind-blowing sex, love your body, have more confidence… Or get a latte on your way to work… Or pick up some strawberries and go play hooky in the park…Whatever it is, get clear and honest with yourself. Your desires are a beautiful thing. They are a compass directing you to what is important, true and nourishing for you.
  2. What (and who) have you been saying YES to that supports your desires?Great! Congratulations. This is important to acknowledge. Keep choosing more of this so you continue forward in alignment with what is most important to you.
  3. What (and who) have you been saying YES to that does not support your desires?Again, be honest with yourself. Are you saying yes to your boss’ or business partner’s requests? Your partner’s? Your kid’s? Your mom’s? Requests to stay longer? Volunteer more? Take on more responsibilities?Acknowledging what is not supporting what you truly desire is the first step to changing this so you can get on track with being in harmony with yourself.
  4. What do you need to say NO to in order to say YES to what you desire?This is where you get to be really honest with yourself. Identifying this is essential for getting out of this self-imposed trap. Then choosing to say YES to yourself and NO to others is the next step for you to take to come into greater alignment with yourself and your desires.

Together, let’s put an end to this epidemic of saying YES when you mean NO. It’s time to get aligned and say NO when you mean NO and YES when you mean YES.

I love hearing from you! Share your answers to these four powerful questions in the comments below. And most importantly, let me know, are you willing to choose right now in this moment to honor your truth going forward?

(Psst… If you desire having more pleasure and vitality in your life and relationships, experiencing pain-free and enjoyable sex and even mind-blowing orgasms, check out my Jade Egg Mastery Program here. This is your chance to say YES to what you really desire!)

#NowWhat – The Crossroads of the #MeToo Movement

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Since the rise of the #MeToo movement, we find ourselves at a crossroads and what YOU choose will impact the outcome.

Find out why YOUR Sexual Sovereignty is crucial in changing the world.

Your Story Matters. Your Voice Matters. You Matter.

Join our growing movement: www.TheDaringProject.com

3 Keys To Healing Your Relationship With The Inner Masculine

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The #MeToo posts that swept through social media recently have lifted the conversation of sexual abuse and harassment out of the shadows and into the spotlight.

Along the way, these posts, and the responses to them, revealed something big…

As men came forward and shared their own #metoo posts, acknowledging the abuse they’ve experienced, they got met with anger and criticism.

Some women reacted with, “This is about the women, not you!” and “Who are you to #metoo? You’re the cause of this problem in the first place!”

I’m sorry to say, but these women, while possibly well intentioned and part of the female empowerment movement, have gotten it wrong. Their reaction reflects a huge lack of understanding. We do NOT need to get angry and push away the masculine. That’s the cause of alienation in the first place.

This righteous anger keeps us small and limited. It also reveals our own wounding: We women don’t have a healthy relationship with our inner masculine.

We don’t honor our boundaries.

We don’t say NO when we mean NO.

We don’t speak up for ourselves.

How can we have the intimate, sexually exciting and satisfying relationships we desire when we’re struggling with our own inner masculine?

How can we invite men into our lives to be allies and collaborators for the changes we wish to see in the world when we’re disconnected from our own inner masculine?

The outer reflects the inner.

The best way to change what’s going on in our relationships is to do the inner work required to heal this wound.

It’s time to stop pointing fingers and start looking at – and actively engaging with – our own inner masculine wounding. Only when we heal our inner split can we begin to heal the schism in our relationships and the collective.

3 Keys To Healing Your Relationship With The Inner Masculine

Use these 3 keys to heal the split within so you can experience the wholeness and fulfillment that comes from the “inner marriage”: the dynamic unification of the inner masculine and the inner feminine. Only then can you experience it in your romantic partnership and beyond.

Key #1: Know & Honor Your Boundaries

Picture a river flowing peacefully through the countryside. The current can be strong in places, languid in others. It knows where it is heading. Yet the river requires a strong, firm riverbank to hold and contribute to its power and direction. The river shapes the bank just as the bank in turn shapes the path of the river.

This is the beautiful dance of the masculine and the feminine, especially when it comes to boundaries. We, the feminine flowing river, require the masculine river bank; the clear and firm boundaries to uphold our power and integrity.

Without boundaries, without the riverbank, we merge with others and lose all sense of self. Yet with rigid boundaries, we lose our own fluidity and flow, and aren’t able to receive support and contributions from other sources. With clear and firm boundaries, we’re able to be in more intimate and real relationship with ourselves and others.

Questions to consider:

  1. What are your boundaries when it comes to alone time? Do you allow yourself to have alone time every day or every week? Or do you instead always make yourself available to your partner, children, friends and other family?
  2. What are your boundaries when it comes to how you communicate with your partner? How you fight? How and what you share with each other? Do you even know? And if you know, do you honor them?
  3. What are your boundaries when it comes to flirting and dating? What kind of physical touch is okay on a first date? What kind of physical touch isn’t okay? Do you even know? And if you know, do you honor them?It is your responsibility to know and honor your boundaries. Don’t give away that responsibility to anyone else. Once you know your boundaries, you need to share them with the people close to you so they can then know and respect them. But it starts with YOU.

Key #2: Honor Your NO

As women we have been domesticated to be pleasant and accommodating. We become people-pleasers and avoid any form of conflict.

We’ve misinterpreted NO to mean something is wrong, something is bad, and our relationship with whomever we’re saying NO to is now in jeopardy. For how can someone still like, respect and even love us if we say NO to their request or demand?

But the reality is, your unspoken NO does more damage to you than anyone else. Your unspoken NO erodes trust and confidence in yourself; it dissolves your sense of self-worth; and it also leaves you high at risk for developing depression or heart disease or other physical-emotional-mental ailment that occurs with this kind of stress on your body.

So, my dear, I strongly encourage you to begin honoring your NO. When something doesn’t feel right, honor your own knowing. That’s where your NO begins.

Questions to consider:

  1. How many times in your life have you said YES when you really meant NO? Would you be willing to forgive yourself for that and make different choices going forward?
  2. What is one situation in your life where you’re currently saying YES or remaining silent when you know the truth is you want to say NO? What step can you take today to begin honoring your NO?
  3. When you honor your NO, you’re letting yourself and everyone around you know that you matter; that your choices matter; that you have a right to choosing what works for you and what doesn’t. You gain confidence, self-esteem and trust in yourself. You also become an even more positive role model for other women and your children; you send a loud and clear message that it is okay to have a YES and a NO.

Key #3: Honor Your Voice & Speak Up

In many of the #metoo posts I read, women shared how, as they were being violated, they couldn’t yell out. They could hear the words in their mind wanting to be screamed, “NO!” and “HELP!” and “What’s going on? This is NOT okay!” But their voices were on lockdown. They couldn’t speak out, even though they knew what was occurring was wrong.

If you have also had this experience, I really want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve also had this experience and know how painful it is. Not speaking up in a situation that we know is harmful to ourselves or another often leads to self-loathing and judgment… but that response will not change or heal anything.

As I already shared in Key #2, we as women have been trained to remain silent, to not speak up for ourselves or others. It’s daring for us to honor our voices and speak up! It’s revolutionary! And it’s essential to our evolution as individuals and the collective.

Questions to consider:

  1. How many times in your life have you not honored your voice and spoken up? Would you be willing to forgive yourself for that and make different choices going forward?
  2. What is one situation in your life where you’re currently not honoring your voice? What step can you take today to begin speaking up for yourself?
  3. Your voice is one of your most valuable instruments, and it can take practice using it powerfully and skillfully, just like with any other instrument.

As you put these 3 keys into practice, you’ll discover a whole new dynamically unified YOU. And when you’re experiencing the “inner marriage,” you will become more attractive to the kinds of relationships and partnerships you truly desire.

Before you go, let’s take this one step further…

Share with me below which key you’re struggling with the most, and the one step you’re going to take TODAY to put it into action.

~ If knowing and honoring your boundaries is your biggest challenge, what is one new healthy boundary you’re going to establish today?

~ If honoring your NO is your biggest challenge, what step can you take today to begin honoring your NO?

~ If honoring your voice is your biggest challenge, how might you speak up for yourself today? (Posting a comment below is a great way to begin honoring your voice! Although it’s written and not spoken, it’s you allowing your voice and your opinions to be heard.)

I love hearing from you and look forward to supporting you in being in action with healing the relationship with your inner masculine.

Want to challenge yourself daily?  Join The Daring Project, it’s free for 30-days! Click here to join.

Delicious Tip: Reclaiming Your Space

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May is the month to celebrate our Mother and motherhood in general.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Our relationship with our mother is profound, and as you know, deeply impactful on how you live your life as a woman and how you interact with women in general.

If you find that you have a less than amazing past, perhaps it is now the time to recognize that you are not living there and that it’s time to glean wisdom from it and move on.

This month’s delicious tip looks at how overly focusing on our past can prevent us from really enjoying the beauty of what is happening now. It also encourages you, through a simple invitation, to use your sensuality to receive the gift of this moment.

This video is all about reclaiming your space so you can feel more free, more alive, more YOU!

If this video was helpful, please like it, share it and leave me your thoughts in the comment section about what you are willing to let go of in order to take advantage of being fully alive right now.

Delicious Tip: Discover Your Non-Negotiables

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Do you have non-negotiables?

Or do you constantly bargain away what is most valuable to your core in exchange for love and/or sex?

In this short Video, we will look at what our non-negotiables are and why they are essential to creating and maintaining healthy, thriving, delicious relationships!

If you enjoyed this video and have insights into your own non-negotiables, please be sure to leave me your comments below so we can continue delving deeper into this discussion.

Remember to like and share this video if you found it helpful!