Posts

Exhausting Periods?

/13 Comments/in /by

Challenging 5 Common Myths About Your Cycle.

Have you ever contemplated why you feel so tired during your period?

Perhaps you don’t feel tired, but the women around you always remark about how tired they feel around their menstrual cycle?

Maybe you read about how women can learn to actually stop their menses through specific practices and you wondered about whether or not that was a good idea?

It could be that you also wondered if somehow your period was a time for detoxing?

Or, you heard that if you don’t bleed on the new moon, there is something out of whack with your Femininity?

Myths about our menstrual cycle are so prevalent these days that it is hard to decipher fact from fiction.

In fact, their very existence can create a variety of neuroses that can evolve into female health challenges.

Five Unchallenged & Common Myths:

1. Women lose energy during their menses.

This is an interesting myth because it is a learned idea. Unless you are the rare woman that actually is exhausted during her period, this myth simply isn’t true.

Yet because we ‘believe it to be true’, we behave accordingly, blaming our period for our exhaustion versus our own lifestyle choices.

On the level of our body and psyche, the menstrual phase of our cycle is a natural ‘reset and rest’ time. It is a time for us to enjoy going inward, to attune ourselves to what is working and not working in our lives, and to part-take in nourishing activities.

As for blood loss, unless we are excessively bleeding, the amount of blood loss is not enough to equate fatigue. We lose, on average, 35ml of blood with our menses, yet donating blood, on average, we give more than 10x the amount of blood (450ml)!

Furthermore, in the West, we often attribute slowing down and being still with being tired or sleepy.

But these are unrelated states.

What is important here is to note that we have a strong ‘meme’ (a mental virus propagated as truth) interplaying with poor life-style habits.

Reset: Our menses is a time to go inward, to contemplate, to slow down, to reset and realign ourselves to what is most important in our lives.

When we slow down, if we are tired, we let ourselves enjoy relaxing and rejuvenating ourselves with plenty of rest.

2. Our kidneys are adversely affected by the menses.

What is actually meant here is a statement on our adrenal health, not so much our kidney health. This confusion comes from attempting to translate an Eastern concept (kidney health) into a Western paradigm (adrenal health).

Furthermore, this meme is backwards—It is the exhaustion or depletion of our adrenals that adversely affects our menstrual cycle, not the reverse.

However, it is common that in the natural ‘rest and reset’ time of the actual menses, we experience greater awareness of our adrenals and their imbalances.

What fatigues our adrenals? Stress, of all kinds.

When the adrenals are in stress cycle, they no longer can support producing our healthy hormones in a balanced way.

This can lead to issues such as estrogen dominance which is linked to the experience of PMS, fibroids, endometriosis and irregular menstrual cycles, just to name a few.

Reset:

By having a good look at our life-style, we can begin to make some positive changes towards enjoying more down time and practicing being quiet more regularly.

Many women report a positive change in their cycles simply by regaining their adrenal health.

3. The Taoist premise that encourages early menopause (cessation of the menses).

This premise is widely propagated through different texts that state that a woman loses her JING when she menstruates, therefore leading to the assumption that in order to stay young and healthy, we must prevent the loss of our JING as much as possible.

Again, here we have the difficulty of translating an ancient concept with modern medicine. In a very simplistic way, the concept of JING can be loosely related to adrenal health.

As we already noted, life-style is the main culprit to eroding adrenal health and I have found this to be true in regards to women’s health issues.

What is more draining than our actual menses is our lack of introspection and emotional responsibility.

PMS, in my experience, can be diminished or eliminated by having the willingness to examine ourselves more deeply and to take ownership of our choices and of our shaping our lives into one that is supportive of our natural, rhythmic, womanly cycle.

Reset:

Menstruation is natural.

Our environment, our life-style and our psychological well-being all play a big part in how we experience our cycle.

When we begin to live more in harmony with our own cycles, we return to our optimum state of vibrant womanly health.

4. Our menses is a natural detox program.

Here is another interesting meme that implies that we are somehow ‘dirty’ and must be ‘cleansed’ once per month.

Yet, menstruation is one of the four natural expressions of fertility cycle.

For this one, I want to jump immediately into the reset.

Reset:

As mentioned in #3, we could do well by owning ourselves emotionally.

Often we do use our uterus as a sort of psychic garbage can.

However, I have noticed that women who honestly begin to use the PMS/menstrual time of their cycle as a time to blossom in their emotional maturity, their menstrual pain diminished or ceases all together.

Of course, there are ways to exercise, eat, and supplement our lives that equally support the transformation of living in harmony with our feminine rhythm.

5. If we don’t bleed on the new moon, we are out of sync with our Femininity.

This meme is very harmful because not all women menstruate on the dark moon and this does not, by default, prove that they are out of sync with their Femininity.

In fact, women who follow the recommended protocol to bleed on the new moon may be doing everything right and still not bleed at the ‘right time of the month’.

Reset:

If your cycle is healthy and you feel attuned with yourself, then whenever you bleed is perfect.

We must let go of forcing ourselves to live according to external constructs and instead start to live according to what is true for our own unique self.

When it comes to our own deep Feminine wisdom, nothing replaces attuning ourselves with ourselves and being willing to challenge and question everything that we believe to  be true about what it means to be a woman in modern times.

This is a true and courageous act of claiming and living according to our embodied wisdom.

If you would love to understand your own inner wisdom, check out my book.

If you enjoyed this article, please like it, share it, and leave your comments below so we can continue to unveil our own truths about what it means to be a healthy woman.

Relaxed Arousal?

/24 Comments/in /by

Uncovering The Deeper Meaning Of Pleasure.

Is sexual pleasure something haphazard or is it something you intentionally cultivate?

When you do have sex, is orgasm the essential ingredient to ‘good sex’?

Perhaps sex no longer fascinates you and has become a get-it-over-and-done-with chore?

Even if sex is still important, maybe you sense something is amiss and wonder where all of your techni-color orgasms went?

Or, is sex something done quickly, in order to relieve the tension that has been building up inside of you?

Whatever the case, our sexuality is unavoidably influenced by the wham-bang-thank-you-ma’am attitude that is so prevalent in modern media.

We are inundated day in and day out with messages that imply that not only should we be turned on all of the time, but as soon as we are turned on, we must do something about it as quickly as possible.

Then, adding to the mix, when we do enjoy sex, we tend to focus on the end result and miss the pleasure and connection that comes with sexual play.

The ‘tension-release’ method of building ourselves up to the ultimate peak moment in order to be momentarily set-free has become the norm.

Yet this way of having sex, although fun and possibly fulfilling, can leave us wondering if there is more to sex than what we currently know.

This is where “relaxed” arousal comes in.

Relaxed arousal represents the dynamic paradox of feeling the intensity of arousal while being fully relaxed in both mind and body.

On a psychological level, the more clear and relaxed we are, the more access we have to our innate erotic intelligence.

Accepting pleasure as our birthright, enjoying sex and orgasm as a natural, healthy part of being human, and understanding that we are biologically designed with a full neural network of unlimited pleasure potential, we begin to give ourselves permission to fully open up to our body’s amazing capacity to generate limitless pleasure.

On the physical level, relaxation is key to inducing a pleasure-hormone response cycle and enabling us to access the more subtle sensations of the erotogenic zones of our body.

Relaxing our psyche directly affects the relaxation of our body, in fact, most issues with libido and pleasure are of a psychological nature.

3 Quick tips to Relaxed Arousal:

1. Take time to explore your beliefs and definitions about sex and pleasure and see if some of them could be updated.

2. When engaging in any sensual or sexual activity, be willing to forget about the end result and indulge in all of your senses while deepening your awareness of your body.

3. Practice relaxing both your mind and body outside of an erotic context. The more you practice, the more you will have the power to drop into a relaxed, yet aroused state when you do engage your erotic self.

By allowing our front brain to release its agendas, to-do lists, and out-dated perceptions, we allow our hypothalamus to bathe us in a rush of pleasure-based hormones.

This process includes letting go of having to ‘make pleasure happen’, of  wishing for pleasure to ‘feel or look a certain way’ as well as letting go of the mechanical version of sexuality.

This relaxed, open, non-goal-oriented spirit shifts us from a purely localized genital experience and enables us to enjoy the deeper purpose of pleasure, whether it is found through profound sensuality, an orgasm or many orgasms.

Relaxed arousal is something we can have alone or with a partner and is essential to supporting us to reclaiming our natural vitality, inspiration, and capacity to contribute something worthy in the the world.

Through living in reverence with our own pleasure, we literally switch ourselves on and live a life rich with beauty, deep peace, and satiation.

If embodying relaxed arousal is something you would love more of, I would recommend starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman. If you enjoyed this article, please like it, share it, and subscribe (sign up on page) to access more tips to living a sensually alive life.

Remember to leave your comment below so we can continue to deepen this discussion.

Your Heart’s Yearning:

/9 Comments/in /by

The Secret To Fulfilling The Longing In Your Heart.

Deep inside, you ache. Something is missing in your life and it hurts, yet you dare not utter its presence aloud.

You have moments of utter clarity of how your life could really be and just as quickly, you are filled with thoughts of impossibility and doom.

You have done everything you felt was “right” yet in quiet moments you cannot shake the feeling of deep dissatisfaction.

Laying awake at night, tossing and turning, you wonder why your life doesn’t feel complete even though you have made the best of it.

You are not crazy.

You are deeply alive.

And you are hearing one of the most important message of your life.

Your heart’s calling.

Our hearts yearning play a crucial role in the full realization of our own unique journey.

In this world where the illusions of happiness infuse our concrete, proof-seeking reality, there seems to be no room to acknowledge the tight ache that clutches at our heart.

Yet acknowledge it we must.

It hurts, yet this is not a random ache.

It is not silly and unworthy.

Quite contrary, this ache speaks to the whisper of our own soul-compass.

It is calling to us to pay attention through creating persistent, uncomfortable squeezes which are impossible to ignore.

3 Steps To Actualizing Our Yearning

Let’s for a moment put aside what we believe is right or wrong or even within our own realm of possibility and just feel our heart’s yearning fully.

Breathe into the ache.

What lives there?

What vision, taste, sensation lives there?

Can you hold it for a moment and simply acknowledge its raw beauty without poo-pooing it?

Can you let the ocean of emotion wash through you as you do?

This is the first step to actualizing this yearning.

It’s important to note that this isn’t a fleeting yearning, something inspired by mass media hypnosis, but rather it exists for itself, separate of our current reality.

It is the part of us that knows what we deserve to experience for the pure sake of being thoroughly human on a glorious journey of becoming who we already are.

The next step is to sit with the yearning.

Sit with it, give it your breath and hold it as precious and true.

See it clearly in your heart as fully existing.

Keep going, until you literally experience your yearning as fully realized.

This can take time, but its worth it.

Once you arrive at the moment where your yearning is realized, you will taste it as though it is real.

This is the magic moment we’ve all been waiting for: the moment of fulfillment.

Fulfillment isn’t external, it happens within the fires of our hearts.

The last step is to recognize that once we feel it has fully actualized itself in every fiber of our being, is to realize that you no longer need it to show up externally.

You are fulfilled. Complete.

And if it does show up in your life, you will recognize it, welcome it, and throw a party!

Living a worthy life begins by recognizing our habituated or pre-conditioned response of “believing” that we risk annihilation if we were to consider our hearts yearning and then saying yes to it anyways.

To cultivate the beauty of your heart’s yearning, I recommend starting with my book. Please like this article, share it, join the Succulence Revolution (sign up on page), & leave your thoughts on how you listen to your own heart’s calling below in the comment section.

Are You Magnetically Attractive?

/19 Comments/in /by

5 Ways To Be Irresistibly Desirable (& It’s Not What You Think…)

You dress to kill, hair perfect, outfit hip & hot, yet as you step out into the world, you notice that you go unnoticed.

You’ve heard all the savvy tips on how to attract your mate and diligently practice them only to find that even if you do get a date, they don’t call you back for a second one.

You observe a ‘plain looking’ woman surrounded by attentive men and wonder what the heck they see in her and why they are not bothering to give you any attention.

Secretly you would love to have more attention from your partner, never mind other people, but you can’t stand the idea of having to wear ‘sexy’ clothes’ or behave in ways that feel ‘degrading’ in order to elicit desire.

Deep inside, you want to be the one who turns heads, who clearly has enough interest from others that you are the one who picks and chooses, not the other way around.

Being magnetic is natural, yet something that begs to be claimed.

One of the most primal impulses that we have as human beings is the desire to connect with another human being.

This isn’t just a silly teenage behavior or a revelation of a lonely adult, it is a real and powerful mechanism of being a mammal.

And one of the most powerful impulses of mammals is to mate.

It is an instinctual response to nature itself.

Yet we humans (and our cousins the bonobos) understand that there is also something more to coming together than the impulse to propagate the species.

Interesting studies have revealed that all mammals (yes, you included) have what is called an open-circuit nervous system.

This means that we are not islands, but inter-dependent: We are completed by the presence of another mammal, especially one that had bonded with us.

In fact, we are not able to function properly when we are isolated.

So then it makes sense, if connection is so intrinsic to our survival, that we would develop the ability to attract another person.

Only now, attraction has been made into a commodity.

It is what you wear, or how you do your make-up, or what hair-style you have, or what behaviors make you ‘part of the tribe’ that determines your level of attractiveness.

Yet it doesn’t work.

It is false attraction.

What we are doing is projecting the image of what we think is attractive versus actually being attractive!

Remember the scenario above where the ‘plain woman’ is surrounded by men who barely notice your presence?

You wondered what she had that you didn’t as you deemed yourself clearly more attractive than she was?

What she has is MAGNETIC attractiveness.

The kind of attractiveness that isn’t a result of behaviors, postures, or hip outfits.

The kind of attractiveness that is embodied.

It is confident, relaxed, and extremely irresistible.

Whereas false attraction draws to itself unwanted attention and undesirable people, magnetism pulls in what is its match through its powerful magnetic field.

Being and feeling attractive are not a postured behavior, it is a reflection of how we relate to ourselves.

How do we go about generating and maintaining magnetism?

1. Recognize that it is something you are naturally born with, all mammals have the ability to attract.

2. Let go of false ideas about attraction and turn your attention towards what really matters: the quality of who you are.

3. Begin to have a deeper relationship with your own magnetic current. Your current is your aliveness. It is the vibrant pulse that animates every cell in your being, shaped by the condition of your psyche. Therefore, examining your beliefs & definitions is essential to letting go of your false attractiveness & igniting your true magnetic capacity.

4. Explore if there is any part of you that is polarized: on one hand you desire to be irresistibly desirable and on the other, you fear what will happen if you do attract attention.

5. Discover and cultivate more of what ignites you.

No one is attracted to a person who is self-loathing, postured (or false), and needy, yet a turned-on, vibrant, self-adoring and fulfilled woman is hard to ignore.

Magnetism is fascinating.

It adds color to our world and invites us to truly live from the truth that we do not have to DO anything to attract anyone.

When we live a magnetic life, we relax and trust our natural ability to bring into our life everything we desire.

By being relaxed and fulfilled, we become a fascinating mystery, because so few of us actually live like this.

It is the type of attractiveness has longevity.

We do not want to be like a cheap toy, bright & alluring initially, but unable to sustain interest for very long.

We are magnetic and remarkably fascinating creatures who deserve to play in the abundance of beautiful company that reflects back to us the deep worth we hold for ourselves.

To learn more about what it takes to live a magnetic life, I recommend starting with my book. Be sure to like this article, share it, join the Succulence Revolution (sign up on page), & leave your thoughts below in the comment section.

Is Your Lover Indifferent?

/20 Comments/in /by

5 Revealing Questions That Can Transform Your Sex Life.

Have you found yourself craving touch and intimacy, yet your partner barely responds to your advances?

Perhaps, during sex, he is not very sensual: no kissing, no touching, no eye contact, no foreplay whatsoever?

Maybe he complains after sex, saying he can’t understand why you don’t orgasm when all his past lovers did?

Or post sex, he just turns over and falls asleep or worse, lights a cigarette and refuses to touch you or hold you for a snuggle?

Having an indifferent lover hurts.

It leaves us feeling unmet, raw, and wondering what in the world is wrong with us.

We berate ourselves for not being sexy or skilled enough in bed.

Feeling sexually broken or handicapped, we constantly feel angry while experiencing insane jealousy and suspicion of all other women.

To make matters worse, we are convinced that our inadequate and somehow immature sexuality will never be able to fulfill the needs of a true intimate relationship.

Ultimately, we struggle to fight the rising panic inside us that we will never be sexually met and happy with a partner.

First off, you are not broken and there is nothing wrong with you!

“If there is nothing wrong with me, why do I feel so bad?”

We are raised in a world that has completely misunderstood the vital importance of sexual intimacy.

In this world, sexuality and pleasure are commodities, they are things we ‘do’ to someone or ourselves in order to ‘get’ a certain result.

The porn industry and Disney fairytales of love have sold us the ideal scenario for intimacy.

Therefore, when we are experiencing an indifferent lover, it shatters our illusions of what love/desire needs to look like.

And our default is to blame ourselves for destroying our ‘happily ever after’ fantasy.

The first step in recovering from the death of our romantic ideals is to recognize this as an incredible opportunity to get real.

Getting real is sexy and is a profound relief to our psyche.

What does it mean to get real?

It means recognizing our own insecurities and false ideals along with our projections—the image of love/desire we project onto another person believing it to be real.

It also means having a good look at our current reality and being willing to ask ourself some tough questions.

Here are 5 question that can help you change your sex life:

  • What is really going on here? (Be very specific about your observations)
  • What needs do I have that are not being met in this relationship?
  • What am I honestly bringing as erotic inspiration to this relationship?
  • Am I afraid to be masterful with my pleasure and express myself shamelessly?
  • Why am I choosing to stay in a relationship that feels so unfulfilling and unloving?

Remember, when someone says they are bored sexually, it may have nothing to do with you.

If they claim that all their other lovers were happy while we are not, this could also have nothing to do with us.

Sometimes this just points to the person being overly identified with certain techniques while lacking the skill or desire to attune themselves to our body.

Perhaps it just reveals their sexual insecurity and lack of creativity when it comes to discovering what makes us purr.

Not everyone is willing to take responsibility for creating delicious sexual connections.

Beyond good/bad, right/wrong lives a world of exquisite experiences.

The gift of this experience is to learn about ourselves: what we love and don’t love, what we deeply desire, where we can stand to learn a thing or two, and what is not acceptable without making up stories about ourself!

When we are able to step back from obsessively analyzing our relationship in attempts to make it better, we give ourselves the space to notice what is actually happening.

For some of us, indifferent lovers are a symbol of how we relate to ourselves! They are mirroring where we have forgotten to love ourselves.

For others, indifferent lovers are an opportunity to discover what is truly meaningful and important to us and to hold that as worthy.

It is a chance to champion ourselves as gourmet and to deepen our own self-love and turn-on.

We are precious. Our pleasure is precious.

And anyone who cannot see and uphold that isn’t worth the gift of our sensual self.

Indifferent lovers gift us the amazing opportunity to learn about ourselves and to discover what really matters to us in intimacy.

Courageously let them go with gratitude and bravely continue on your path of unveiling your erotic intelligence.

If you would love to strengthen your capacity for making conscious choices and for attuning yourself to your erotic intelligence, I recommend you start with my book: The Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

Be sure to leave a comment below, so we can continue the discussion together.

Shameless Pleasure?

/23 Comments/in /by

What It Is & Why You Need It.

There is no one around and deep inside, you feel a powerful urge to express the depth of your ache.

You ache for deep, fulfilling pleasure and you want it now!

Scenario One: You reach for your hidden stash of chocolate and with trembling fingers, rip open the wrapper to reveal the silky, forbidden darkness. As you bring it to your lips, your mouth is flooded with a gush of saliva. One bite and your eyes roll back into your head, you are filled with pulsing delight.

Scenario Two: You start to move your body in ways that allows your pleasure to amplify and express itself more fully. Slowly, in the most luscious ways, you touch your body and moans of delight escape your throat.

Finale: Both scenes end abruptly when you realize WHAT you have indulged in and quickly you are flushed with berating thoughts and you swear you will never do it again.

In our liberated world, it is astonishing to see that the words shame and pleasure are almost synonymous. How did this happen? Why is it so prevalent?

Let’s first look at shame.

In some definitions, it has a positive light of providing us with a sense of humility (albeit at times false) and thus, hopefully leading us to behave respectfully.

On the same breath, those of us who have no shame are regarded to have a lack of humility and thus, believed to behave in disrespectful ways.

This biased definition assumes that we do not have a conscience and that we are not capable of actually behaving according to society’s rules and guidelines.

Do we honestly need shame in order to guide our behaviors? Can we actually become more aware of ourselves without the need to take on shame as our chaperone?

And What About Pleasure?

Let’s consider the ancient myth of Eros (the God of Love) and Psyche (the Goddess of the Human Soul). When they finally marry, they give birth to Hedone (the spirit of Pleasure) which is the root word of Hedonism.

The modern interpretation of hedonism is often linked with negative aspects of sexuality. However, the original definition of a hedonist is a “Follower of any ethical system in which some sort of pleasure ranks as the highest good. The Epicurian identifies this pleasure with the practice of virtue.” — Online Etymology Dictionary.

Reframed in this way, pleasure can be seen as a virtuous and ethical act, not just limited to sex, but also inclusive of other experiences such as enjoying a deep conversation, a delicious piece of chocolate, the scent of spring blossoms, or a gorgeous sunset.

In fact, pleasure is so essential to our well-being that without it we get distressed and eventually may fall ill, psychologically, physically, or both.

When we awaken our Erotic energy (eros) and marry it with our evolving emotional/psychological self (Psyche), we literally birth more Pleasure which in turn sustains our aliveness, keeping us youthful and vibrantly healthy!

So What Does This Have To Do With Being Shameless?

Shame is useless.

Shame is actually not needed in order to make life-enhancing choices.

Shame also does’t feel yummy in our body. Shame actually shuts us down, raises our levels of stress hormones and contributes to our ill health and yes, rapid aging!

Shame is also a choice.

It exists because of our definition.

We think we need it in order to be good women. If we were to be shameless about our pleasure, then we must be bad.

Yet nothing is further from the truth.

When we can learn to trust ourselves and the wisdom of our body, all of our neurosis around pleasure will surface and have a chance to be loved into wholeness.

And if we are willing to embrace ourselves in our totality, free of judgement, we can begin to live from a truly shameless and pleasureful place.

In Fact, Shameless Pleasure Is Our Birthright. 

Remember, we are designed for pleasure.

Having over 8000 clitoral nerve endings dedicated solely to the function of activating our pleasure is not only living proof, it is a daily reminder of this truth.

Many medical researchers are still perplexed as to why clitoris even exists, surely pleasure cannot be the sole reason for its existence?

Personally, I haven’t found another use for it.

If accessing your deep, erotic intelligence while exploring and loving yourself into wholeness resonates with you, get started with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman. Click here to get it now. If you’d love to dive into a dynamic training that helps make Shameless Surrender an embodied experience, then you’ll love my 6 hour immersion training: Click For More Details.