Single & Lovin’ It:

7 Secrets To A Sensually Fulfilling Single Life.

You are single, lonely and wondering when Partner Right is going to come along and sweep you off to ‘happily ever after.’

To make matters worse, all your friends are getting married, but somehow, you haven’t managed to even get a boyfriend, never mind a date.

Desperate, you join different online dating groups and have campaigned all your friends to introduce you to any available bachelor.

When you are out with your girlfriend, you notice all the attention she gets from men and you feel like a fly on the wall, watching the flirting game as though its an alien language.

Finally you get a date, only to realize that he’s so boring and unsexy, you’d rather by curled up on your couch with your cat, watching your favorite TV series.

Are you destined to be single forever?

Being single isn’t a disease.

In fact, there are many advantages to being single.

First of all, you do not have to compromise yourself for anyone. You are free to live without having to take someone else’s needs and neurosis into consideration.

Secondly, you have much more time to spend on your own hobbies and passions, without having to negotiate your time or space.

And finally, you are not alone.

You actually have an incredible opportunity to have a profound, delicious, sexy, fulfilling relationship… with yourself!

I call this the Primary Relationship.

It is the most important relationship you will ever have in your entire life.

It is the only relationship that lasts a lifetime, all the rest come and go, even if it is death that parts you.

Without a healthy primary relationship, we actually do not have much to offer a relationship with another person.

Which is why being single is such an important part of life.

It is the time where we fill our own gourmet plate and toss our beggar’s bowl into the trash.

What do you think is sexier?

A woman who is needy, looking to be fulfilled by someone?

Or a woman who is content and turned on on her own, open to meeting someone to share the adventure of life with?

Sexy, Single Secrets…

As promised, here are some secrets to making your time as a single woman delicious:

1) Turn yourself on. “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away”. Take time to pleasure yourself, daily if possible. The more you keep your juices flowing, the more you glow and the more fulfilled (and attractive) you become.

2) Fill your own heart. Become your own most intimate lover. What makes you tick? What strips you of joy and delight? Being alone is a great time to decipher our own patterns and to intentionally repattern ourselves.

The more we know ourselves, the more we will have to offer in a relationship. Successful relationships rely on the autonomy of both individuals.

Co-dependence is painful and ultimately unsexy. So the better you fulfill your own heart and know honest what is non-negotiable for you, the you stand to offer another person.

3) Enjoy dating! Who said that you couldn’t date more than one person at one time? Dating is fun and keeps us connected to people. It takes us out of being an island and teaches us a lot about being a genuine listen and clear communicator.

4) Take a lover or three. We no longer live in an era where we must succumb to our families wishes and choices of a partner. In fact, we are free to take the lover(s) that we choose.

Think of your lovers as ‘love laboratories’. Practice radical honesty and transparency. Explore your erotic nature and discover your likes and dislikes. Play!

Did I say play?

The biggest mistake we make when we are single is to take the subject of relationship too seriously!

No one wants to be around a serious person 24/7.

5) Discover what relationship means to you. Are you looking to be a mother? A daughter? A lover? What role have you fallen into in the past?

Do you always mother your partner? Or are you looking for daddy to take care of all of your needs? Do you want someone to seduce you and rock your world?

6) Relationship isn’t something we actually need to work at.  So many experts tell us to do this or that and we will have better relationships, but the truth is, relationships are the RESULT of two people coming together.

What does this mean?

It means that WHO you are is more important than what you do.

This is why being single is so important.

It is the time when we discover who we really are and relationship is the time to share it.

7) Practice with your friend and family. The truth is, we are always in relationship, with many people. Notice how you respond to others.

Start to pay attention to your relational habits and if they are less than fulfilling, change them!

If being your own best lover and developing your own gourmet plate is something that deliciously inspires you, you may enjoy deepening this experience through reading my book: Click here to get my book, Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

 

 

The 2nd Clitoris:

A 3-Part Secret That Every Woman Must Know.

By now most of us are hopefully well aware of the 8000 nerve endings in the glans of our clitoris.

That secret part of us, that with touch or simply a thought, will start pulsing and deliciously reverberating pleasure throughout our whole body.

The part of us that can be either numbed out through over-use or still patiently waiting to be discovered and awakened.

And the fun doesn’t stop there. Few of us are aware of our ‘second’ clitoris!

Hidden within our depths is an undiscovered point of bliss, a bliss so great it can even by pass that of our clitoris.

Where’s the proof?

In your pants. Your panties to be more specific.

Anatomically, it is called the Anterior Fornix Erogenous Zone (AFE zone or A-spot). It is found in the deepest part of your vagina, right in front of your cervix (see image below).

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So yes, I lied.

This isn’t exactly a second clitoris, but the pleasure generated by this place is so intense, it can be equivalent to or superior to that a clitoral orgasm.

And if you haven’t discovered it yet, do yourself a favor and leave your clitoris alone for a moment and literally spend time inside yourself!

How can I wake this up?

Some of us, through exploring intercourse or sex toys, naturally awaken this area. However, some of us need to explore a little more intentionally.

We all can exercise and enhance this area through regular stimulation.

Why?

We have heard that the last two thirds of our vagina has less sensitivity than the first third.

This is true for an atrophied or untrained pelvis.

Once we exercise our vaginas more regularly, however, we start to enervate our vagina and surrounding pelvic region.

This means that we actually grow more nerves and erectile tissue! And with this grows our capacity for pleasure.

Here are a few ways to exercise this deeper part of our vaginas:

  • We practice ‘sucking’ up a Jade Egg, a sex toy or our partner.
  • We continue ‘milking’ our egg, toy or partner (this is easier if our partner isn’t doing a lot of moving).
  • We can massage this area to awaken it and further enhance it.

Surprise bonus that comes with waking up this epic spot.

Lubrication!

We are meant to be juicy and this leads to more and more juiciness. In fact, if we have issues with lubrication, we would benefit greatly from a regular practice of this deep, internal massage.

The intensity of pleasure may require us to pause between orgasms just so we can better assimilate our expanding bliss.

The other bonus for hetro-sexual couples is that it feels amazing to our partner. As we get stronger and stronger, his pleasure equally intensifies.

What’s more?

We have a 2nd epicenter, or as I like to say, epic-enter!

The Posterior Fornix—located behind the cervix in the same depths as the Anterior Fornix—is what I call: the hidden Bliss-gasm or Bliss spot (see image above).

It is snoring peacefully in most of us, but trust me when I say that it doesn’t mind a little awakening, so long as it isn’t a rude one.

This place is best stimulated by a finger, but also by a toy or partner.

A finger is allows us to sense more thoroughly ‘spot’ we are massaging and assists us in creating a powerful bio-feedback loop of pleasure.

Yet we are more than the sum of our parts…

So what about the cervix?

Our cervix, which is conveniently close to both the Anterior and Posterior Fornix, is not disconnected from them.

In fact, it is vital to include our cervix in this 3 part harmony.

For most of us, the pain of an accidental bump from our partner’s deep thrusting is how we discover our cervix. OW!

But if we were to take a finger and gently massage our cervix, something remarkable happens.

At first, we may not experience much sensation as our cervix may be numb. However, through regular massage (and pelvic exercise), we encourage a stronger blood flow to our cervix and therefore, create more cervical sensation.

It is possible to induce orgasm, both locally in the cervix and in the area of our physical heart. It literally can feel like a heart-gasm! Delicious!!

Beyond just another sex trick, this practice of awakening our deeper erotic zones invites us to trust, love, and explore ourselves without being goal-oriented.

We literally are invited to shift our focus from ‘doing’ something sexually into relaxing into ‘being’ a sexual being.

With this focus on surrendering into our erotic wisdom, we give our body permission to open up in ways we have yet to dream of.

Nothing can be more worthy of our time.

If surrendering to your erotic wisdom is something that sounds delicious to you, then a great place to start is with my book. Click here to get it now.


Sexual Anorexia

Why Do Over 62.5 Million Women Suffer From It?

You are with your partner, you care for them, but you haven’t had sex in months…

Actually, it has been YEARS since you have desired sex and intimacy…

To make matters worse, every time your partner initiates sex, your whole body freezes in terror. Headaches, yeast infections, or debilitating vaginal pain show up as the perfect diversion.

Or maybe it’s numbness from masking the pain of your partner’s affair until you forget what its like to surrender to your heart and body.

Perhaps secretly you tell yourself that you HATE sex and feel like your libido is somewhat of a lost relic.

The longer this goes on, the more you are starved from a deep, unmet need—the desire to belong, to be loved, and to be expressed as an erotically alive woman.

Sexual Anorexia or ‘starving our eros’ is more common and insidious then we think.

Mountains of false perceptions and sexual propaganda are constantly stealing our attention, leading us away from our own living truth.

One such lie is that ‘it’s too late’, that we are ‘too old to bother’. But experience tells otherwise:

Take Rebecca*, in her mid-70s, small, refined, yet brittle. Her face etched with deep lines of sadness reveals the truth: 30 sexless years. And the sex she did have was unpleasant, at times painful, and most often something to ‘get over with’.

With timid, yet dedicated determination, she embarked on a great archaeological adventure to recover her erotic nature. Once excavated, she discovered her own fountain of youth!

Rebecca claimed her erotic self, rejuvenated her sexual health, and promptly claimed a young 52 year old lover.

Rebecca’s story isn’t a miracle. It is every women’s birthright.

When we recognize that the pain of staying the same is more painful than change itself, we have taken the first step to Erotic Transformation.

Erotic Transformation is only one choice away.

Making the choice to move towards transforming our erotic selves is an act of true dedication, one worthy of our attention.

The adventure of digging deeply into ourselves is often derailed by the depths of our sadness.

To make matters more complicated, we may shy away from our murky swamps of self-criticism or our ill-fated traps of self-doubt.

Yet persevere we must!

Over 62.5 million women in America alone suffer from being erotically under or unexpressed. This staggering statistic is rising more each year.

The reason?

We have forgotten to claim our erotic nature.

Without eros—that which animates life—we are lifeless.

We age quickly and suffer untold emotional and physical imbalances.

Many of us have lost hope. Many of us have never known hope.

Our Eros is not lost. It is just hidden deep within us.

Steps to Reclaiming our Erotic Nature:

  1. Where ever you are now is perfect. When you can accept yourself exactly as you are this is, ironically, when things change.
  2. Loving yourself into wholeness. Whatever dares reveal itself, trust that it is there to be loved into wholeness.
  3. Turn towards yourself. All our wounds are points of power. As we turn our attention towards ourselves, our curious nature will reveal the hidden gift within our pain.
  4. What you think isn’t always true. Be willing to redefine yourself from moment to moment. If you think ‘I can’t’, follow through with ‘but I will take this step regardless’.
  5. Only move as fast as the slowest part of you. What’s the big rush? Notice what parts of yourself are consistently left behind and start to slow down enough to include them. You will find that you will no longer take one step forward, yet two steps back. All your steps will be forward.

And let me tell you a little secret—a secret I plucked from the depths of my own personal hell.

Terrified, I refused to open my eyes for the fear of meeting the ugliest of the ugly within me.

Yet in that moment of profound fear, I peeked.

And what I saw stunned me.

There was only beauty in there.

My monsters were just my perceptions, mere shadows. Once revealed they lost all their power.

Through discovering this, I was then able to journey with others as they slay their own monsters.

I can say with confidence that thousands of women found the same secret, once they were finally willing to open their eyes.

Loving ourselves into wholeness whilst daring to explore our own erotic nature is an essential part of my work. Click to get your own copy my book to continue to explore this topic further.

*Name has been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.

Why Focus On Pleasure…

When The World Is Hurting?!

How could I possibly focus on pleasure when there is so much pain and suffering in the World? That feels completely juvenile! 

Everyday I hear of another disaster or another hardship that people in the world are suffering from, I honestly can’t make time for such petty things as personal pleasure.

My children and my husband need me! I don’t have time for myself, especially not my erotic self, are you crazy?!

All the sexual abuse and sexual disease in the world makes me feel like I would rather never be sexual again, just to be safe.

Why we have no time for pleasure.

Pleasure is connected to leisure. Two words foreign to most women.

Face it, we have much work to do and a mountain of responsibilities! Who has time for pleasure?!

Who doesn’t?!

Pleasure is part of our human experience. We are designed to actually move towards pleasure and away from pain.

Our body functions more optimally when we are running a current of pleasure versus the current of stress.

In fact, stress wears us out.

Stress ages us rapidly and makes us short-tempered. It also increases our chances of housing a disease with each moment we spend stressed out.

So if we really were sincere about caring for others, we first would care for ourselves.

Why offer them anything but the best?

When we give from a place of resentment, others feel this. Even if you try to hide it, it is obvious as a pink elephant in the room.

And if our system were to get sick, those who we care for would suddenly be forced to care for us. There are many stories of young children having to age beyond their years and care for sick parents.

When we do this, we rob children of the carefree joys of childhood, burdening them too quickly with the hard truths of life. Therefore, keeping ourselves functioning at our best is vital if we are to genuinely have a positive and impactful presence in the lives of those we love.

The disease of stress.

Stress is contagious.

Have you ever been in a room with a stressed out person? It’s impossible not to feel it! Your own stomach tightens, your own breath gets more shallow, and your expanded spirit starts to contract.

Why?

We are mammals. We have a mammalian brain. This part of us connects us to every other living mammal in our proximity.

In fact, it is through this silent language that we communicate the most powerfully.

Dr. Thomas Lewis, Author of a General Theory of Love, states:

“Because our minds seek one another through limbic resonance, because our physiologic rhythms answer to the call of limbic regulation, because we change one another’s brains through limbic revision—what we do inside relationships matters more than any other aspect of human life.”

Simply put: who we are has tremendous impact on others.

Wouldn’t you want to offer another inspiration, beauty, comfort, delight, and love?

It is within all of us to give the real gift of love: our whole, radiant self.

But we have nothing honest to offer if we are suffering on any level of our being, albeit physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual.

What is the single most value offering we can give?

The best of who we are.

What does this mean? It means to be healthy and radiant on every level of our being.

By having good physical health, we can enjoy others and we have more energy to give to others! In fact, it is impossible to very efficient when our own energy is low or non-existent.

With good emotional and psychological health, we are able to see the gifts in others and in all of our situations. We have healthy boundaries and we empower others to empower themselves.

We also become people that others love being around and are inspired by.

With our pleasure, others experience pleasure. This means that their hormonal system shifts out of its detrimental stress circuit and starts to synchronize itself with cascades of living enhancing hormones.

So does this mean we cannot have bad days or get sick?

Not at all. It does means that when we do we love ourselves as human.

We allow others to see that we are vulnerable, just as they are, and we are willing to receive as much as we are willing to give.

When we live from a more pleasureful and balanced place, we literally teach our children, family members, and friends how to live that way too.

When more people are in a healthy state, we then have more energy and more intelligence to resolve our local and global issues.

Nothing can be more valuable then taking a few minutes per day to fill our pleasure tank and live from a more aligned, inspired, and radiant place.

Does caring for yourself AND having both energy and time to contribute to your family and community turn you on? Click here to get my book  and jump into the Art of Succulent Living Today.

The Bad Boy Syndrome:

Why All Women Need To Go Through It.

You have wonderful guy friends, but when it comes to sexual attraction, its the bad boy that you want.

But the bad boy doesn’t know what the sweet ones do, and unavoidably, he breaks your heart though treating you like a doormat.

You notice that you are not the only one that pines over the tough guy, almost every woman you know is falling for him.

Desperate to be chosen, you give up your body before you want to and put up with his disrespectful antics.

Frustrated, you cry on your nice guy-friend’s shoulder. He’s always there for you, listening, supporting, and caring for you. But you are not at all attracted to him.

The Bad Boy Syndrome

You know exactly what this is.

We all do.

We all, at one point or another, fall for the “bad” boy.

He makes us feel wild, sexy, and free.

It’s hot, delicious, and enlivening. And we love it!

But he treats us like we don’t mean anything.

Plus he has the emotional intelligence of a toad and could care less if we feel heart-broken because he already has moved on to the next half-crazed female.

All in all, he’s a complete ***hole.

And if he were to smile at us, we’d do it all over again.

A woman’s ‘bad’ boy initiation.

So why do ‘bad’ boys play an important role in the sexual initiation of women?

At first glance, this has to do with simply biological urges and signals. It’s a proven fact that bad boys have a tendency to have more testosterone then the good ones.

High testosterone makes women feel more feminine. It’s simple science.

Their very smell drives us wild with desire.

Once there, we can’t think straight and the rest is history!

Yet there is an important role that these ‘bad’ boys play. They give us a new paradigm for the masculine, outside of the known Father & Brother roles.

They invite us into the erotic world of desire and delight. It is when we discover we are more than just a sweet girl.

We are naturally wild women that have been conditioned to forget this fact.

The ‘bad’ boy is a reminder of who we are, an awakening to our crazy desires and our deep yearning for pleasure.

The gift of bad boys…

The first gift is the initiation into the erotic through the primal activation of our hormones.

Responding to our hormones is, at best, what we can handle when we are teens and young adults.

We literally are insane with reproductive urges that are beyond our logical mind.

Yet there is more to this picture then the dance of our hormones.

Learning from direct experience.

Experiencing an asshole boyfriend or lover, at least once, is a fantastic way to learn about what we don’t want (and what we want too!).

The key here is to only do it once.

But there’s a problem.

These bully’s and their ways imprint us in profound ways and if we do not bring our attention to this, it can set us on a path of seeking men who are ‘bad’ (at relationship) for a very long time!

Thankfully, as much as we can stay stuck or addicted to men who treat us like trash, we also can recover our wits and self-respect.

It is important to honor our ‘bad’ boy experiences with a sense of humor.

In fact, most of these types of men have often kick-started our own erotic wildness, which is something to be grateful for!

Breaking free from the spell of erotic wildness, we have an opportunity to blossom, not just sexually, but emotionally.

As women, we must be initiated into our self-love.

Most often we learn more from hardship then from sweetness, hence the commonality of the asshole syndrome!

By learning to give ourselves the things we did not receive from our unconscious lovers, we literally become more of who we are.

This is really the deeper gift of this life experience.

Good is boring, Bad is fun, or is it?

There is a point in our lives where we start to step out of the polarity of good-bad and entering a realm far more creative.

Here we start to see that every person has both good and bad, boring and fun, etc within them.

As we learn to harmonize our own internal good girl-bad girl, we free up our erotic to be much more wholistic.

In fact, we start to attract a partner who has deep respect and reverence for us while also being wild and playful.

That is the best and most juicy combination. One that we all, men and women alike, must consciously embrace and embody.

Then we no longer have any limitations on our erotic. We no longer bargain our sex to be loved. We no longer compromise our tender parts in order to feed our wildness.

Would you love to embrace your wildness, your erotic along with your heart? My book is a great place to start! Click here to get it now!


 

 

 

Menopause: 5 Biggest Lies Exposed

If you believe sex and sensuality are over and a thing of youth, think again!

Menopause is not the end, but the beginning.

It is the beginning of the most sexual, sensual, expressed, and powerful time in a woman’s life. 

What was that?!

Isn’t it a time when our ovaries retire and our world recedes into loving grand-children and baking cookies for Bingo?

Thankfully, that is not the truth!

Menopause is our initiation into the power stage of our life. This doesn’t mean we suddenly gain power and rule over the world, but it does mean we are invited to claim our full sovereignty, and yes, sensuality!

What is in your way of being the most alive, juicy, pleasure-full woman now?

For the most part, it’s you.

You would believe yourself insane if the way in which you regard yourself and what you believe to be true didn’t fully realize itself.

So, how do you regard yourself? Do you see yourself as old? Drying up? Unsexy? Undesirable? Because if you do, this will be what you ‘act as true’ in your life.

What would happen to your reality if you suddenly chose to regard yourself as beautiful? Juicy and vibrant? Full of pleasure yet to be explored and experienced? Notice how those statements feel in your body.

If you don’t have the best self-image and deepest self-love, its not your fault!!! There is a multi-billion dollar industry which shameless publishes ‘studies’ that ‘prove’ that menopause is a ‘disease’, causing us to age and become sexless, thus, convincing us we need their drugs in order to be healthy.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In order to more fully comprehend this radical shift of perspective, we must first be willing to die to a few ideas we believe to be truths:

Lie #1: Ovaries stop working after menopause.

Fact: Ovaries of healthy women continue to function for the duration of their life!

Lie #2: Estrogen levels go down with menopause, thus, we must take hormones to supplement our body.

Fact: With all the toxins and poisons we are exposed to on a regular basis (as well as the ones we consciously ingest) contribute to over-loading our Liver. When our Liver no longer properly regulates our estrogen levels, we can actually end up with too much estrogen!

Lie #3: Our ovaries are our only source of estrogen & progesterone.

Fact: Actually, along with our ovaries, our adrenal glands and body fat also produce these hormones.

Lie #4: Hot flashes are due to estrogen deficiency and are relieved by hormone therapy.

Fact: Hot flashes are more closely related to life-style choices than to estrogen levels. They actually occur at any age and funnily, do not exist in women who live away from pollution, who eat a diet of whole foods, and who exercise regularly.

Lie #5: Vaginal Dryness is due to insufficient estrogen and caused by menopause.

Fact: Dryness can occur at any time in a woman’s life and is not directly related to an estrogen problem. The more active women are sexually, the less prone to dryness they are. “If you don’t use it, you lose it” 

So does that all mean? It means GREAT NEWS!!!

Menopause is a time when ‘enough is enough.’

For one, if we have spent most of our life abusing our body and not providing her with the best food, rest, and exercise, then now is not too late to start! What could you do today towards delighting in your body?

If we have ignored or dishonored our emotions for the majority of our life, they will definitely make their presence known, if not consciously, then unconsciously through the creation of a ‘dis-ease’ or injury or ‘dis-function’.

Menopause offers us the chance to review our lives and make new, powerful, juicy choices that will not only honor our deepest truth, but fully express them shamelessly.

If we have never claimed our passion, we will be invited to do so lest we start to dry up and die to the Mystery of Life itself.

What makes you purr from the inside out? 

What have you always longed for and have’t yet said yes to? 

The more we activate our passion, the more pleasure we will feel, and the more pleasure we feel, the more healthy and gorgeous we become.

Having taught thousands of women world-wide, I have been honored to witness those in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and yes, even 80s reclaim their body and their succulence. It is never too late to transform our body into its true potential of unlimited pleasure and beauty and health. A great way to begin reclaiming your sensuality and aliveness is starting with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman, Click to buy now.