Pleasure Isn’t Optional

5 Secrets To Increasing Your Pleasure Now.

“I can’t remember the last time I actually felt delicious, seems like I am always tired these days.”

“Pleasure is for the younger generation, at my age, I’m happy just making it through the day.”

“After birthing my children, I never quite felt the same and now I have no idea what it means to feel sensually alive.”

“I’m too busy to think about pleasure and find it rather irritating to be bombarded with messages of sex and orgasm on a daily basis.”

“My partner has left me for what he calls a more orgasmically expressed woman. It hurts, but to be honest, I have never really known my own orgasmic potential.”

These are comments I hear every day from women around the world and they point to something important:

As much as we have ‘advanced’ our civilization, it seems to me that we have digressed in the realm of being deeply alive, expressed human beings.

What is your current relationship to pleasure?

Is it a random event or something reliant on external circumstances?

Or is it something you cherish and spend time exploring?

Pleasure isn’t a commodity, something we can buy by the ‘bunch’ or ‘jar-full’ despite a multi-billion dollar industry doing its best to convince us that our pleasure is a result of having something ‘external’.

Rather, pleasure is what we are.

Pleasure is like breathing, digesting, and our heart beating.

It delivers essential messages to our brain, triggering the centers which enable us to express our true selves with courage, self-esteem, and creativity.

In fact, pleasure is the very ingredient that nurtures life itself, for without it we literally fall ill.

Studies of nitric oxide (a substance naturally produced by our body when we experience something pleasurable) show that low the levels of nitric oxide make our body more disease prone, whereas high levels of nitric oxide keeps us vibrant and functioning efficiently.

How do we raise our nitric oxide levels?

Pure and simple: On-going infusions of pleasure.

This includes all things that induce the sensation of pleasure within us as well as sexual pleasure, but not just any kind of sexual pleasure.

In the state I like to call “relaxed arousal”, we access deep arousal while experiencing profound levels of relaxation, surrender, and softening.

This type of pleasure actually resets our entire being to function at its true potential and allows us to access transcendent states of consciousness!

5 Secrets to Relaxed Arousal:

    1. Choosing Pleasure: Discover new ways to delight yourself regularly. Be creative, explore all of your senses regularly and drop into a profound connection with them.
    2. Eliminating Stress: Do your best to eliminate stressors such as: bad relationships, work you hate, living in a toxic space, eating food that makes you acidic, etc. Stress actually numbs our capacity to feel pleasure and yet we need pleasure to counter-act the damaging effects of stress.
    3. Enjoy Softening: Define for yourself ways in which you could soften and relax, such as taking a bath with flower petals and candle light or deepening your breath when receiving a compliment or touch from someone.
    4. Self-Pleasuring: You must become your own best lover and give yourself the touch you yearn for. Let go of any goals towards orgasm, instead indulge in exploring yourself slowly. Pause, soften, and breathe as you start to get aroused. The more you take the time to explore your pleasure potential, the more you ignite it!
    5. Jade Egg Practice: The practice of using a small Jade Egg inter-vaginally. It’s excellent for pelvic health and awakening your pleasure potential. It also helps to send much needed signals via your pelvic nerve to your brain so that you can live from a deeply integrated, creative, place of self-love.


Aside from the obvious ‘sensual/sexual’ side of pleasure, pleasure also comes in many forms. Do you know what your key ‘pleasure activation’ activities are?

Make time right now to discover what simple, yet fun activities that you could do each day to create higher doses of pleasure for yourself.

Pleasure Tip of the Day:

The more you get your groove on, the more alive you will feel! 

One of the fastest ways to shift our mood, enhance our life-giving hormones, and create more openness in our body is through moving & shaking!

See if you can find a few minutes each day in this coming week (& longer if it brings you delight) to put on a favorite piece of music and just let yourself move with joy and innocence.

If you want to add a pelvic healing component, then add some curvy movements with your hips such as hip circles, side-to-side or front-to-back tilts, or even a shimmy or three!

Whatever you choose make pleasure a priority.

You will find yourself feeling more fulfilled, juicy, confident, and expressed and the world will be a better place for it.

If you want more delicious aliveness in your life, be sure to put your name and email below and you will instantly receive my free video series: 3 Myths That Are Killing Your Pleasure (& What To Do About It). 

And be sure to leave your comment below on what steps you are taking to weave more pleasure into your life.

Happy International Woman’s Day!

Let’s champion our birthright of Pleasure together…

14 replies
  1. Claire
    Claire says:

    Pleasure isn’t something I grew up with – it was never spoken of, encouraged, or identified as something that needs to be focused on or nurtured. So this part of my journey is very new to me – but very necessary. Thank you for your work – it is encouraging and inspiring!

    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Sweet Claire, isn’t it an odd world we live in? Where Pleasure is obviously part of our biology and how we function more optimally… yet we are terrified of our very nature. Congrats on being willing to explore this!

  2. Ynanna
    Ynanna says:

    I woke up this morning and came to your website. I just want to thank you for your wisdom. I feel absolutely delightful and bright after taking time to be with myself and embrace my goddess. Namaste sister!

  3. heike
    heike says:

    Hi Saida,
    thanks for your input and encouragement !!
    I am using the Jade Egg and am exercising with them,
    but somehow I can´t feel the egg moving…
    Ijust know that it is miving with the pelvic floor contractions because the thead moves.
    Time with no agenda on my own is giving me pleasure,
    also the Tao breathing up the back and down the front of
    my body, ´streaming´the energy points with the tip of my fingers like in Jin Shin Jiutsu, QiGong breathing and slow exercises.
    And often I notice that the deep surrender and softening comes and goes by itself, sometimes it stays for hours or almost days; I then keep very still and prefer to be on my own to enjoy this most exquisite sensation.
    Thank you and Love from

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Aloha Heike!

      What a gorgeous sharing, thank you! Jade heats up to your body temperature, so you won’t feel the egg itself once it is in. However, you can, as you said, feel the muscle moving. Consider the egg like an anchor point for your awareness/consciousness and imagine it is assisting you to rebuild the link between your awareness and your pelvis. With time and practice, more and more sensitivity (and skill) occurs, but not as a goal, as a side-effect of spending quality time with yourself.

      I understand the preciousness of this deep space. 🙂

  4. Sylvia
    Sylvia says:

    walks in nature, doing what lifts me up like drawing out of joy with no agenda and goal behind it, oil self massages in front of the fire, dancing with my children, dancing by myself, making time for myself with no one to interrupt

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Aloha Ann!

      Great question! I am not sure which video you are speaking of, I have many. In some I just mention that its great for us to do this and in others we do clear training.


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