Pleasure Isn’t Optional

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5 Secrets To Increasing Your Pleasure Now.

“I can’t remember the last time I actually felt delicious, seems like I am always tired these days.”

“Pleasure is for the younger generation, at my age, I’m happy just making it through the day.”

“After birthing my children, I never quite felt the same and now I have no idea what it means to feel sensually alive.”

“I’m too busy to think about pleasure and find it rather irritating to be bombarded with messages of sex and orgasm on a daily basis.”

“My partner has left me for what he calls a more orgasmically expressed woman. It hurts, but to be honest, I have never really known my own orgasmic potential.”

These are comments I hear every day from women around the world and they point to something important:

As much as we have ‘advanced’ our civilization, it seems to me that we have digressed in the realm of being deeply alive, expressed human beings.

What is your current relationship to pleasure?

Is it a random event or something reliant on external circumstances?

Or is it something you cherish and spend time exploring?

Pleasure isn’t a commodity, something we can buy by the ‘bunch’ or ‘jar-full’ despite a multi-billion dollar industry doing its best to convince us that our pleasure is a result of having something ‘external’.

Rather, pleasure is what we are.

Pleasure is like breathing, digesting, and our heart beating.

It delivers essential messages to our brain, triggering the centers which enable us to express our true selves with courage, self-esteem, and creativity.

In fact, pleasure is the very ingredient that nurtures life itself, for without it we literally fall ill.

Studies of nitric oxide (a substance naturally produced by our body when we experience something pleasurable) show that low the levels of nitric oxide make our body more disease prone, whereas high levels of nitric oxide keeps us vibrant and functioning efficiently.

How do we raise our nitric oxide levels?

Pure and simple: On-going infusions of pleasure.

This includes all things that induce the sensation of pleasure within us as well as sexual pleasure, but not just any kind of sexual pleasure.

In the state I like to call “relaxed arousal”, we access deep arousal while experiencing profound levels of relaxation, surrender, and softening.

This type of pleasure actually resets our entire being to function at its true potential and allows us to access transcendent states of consciousness!

5 Secrets to Relaxed Arousal:

    1. Choosing Pleasure: Discover new ways to delight yourself regularly. Be creative, explore all of your senses regularly and drop into a profound connection with them.
    2. Eliminating Stress: Do your best to eliminate stressors such as: bad relationships, work you hate, living in a toxic space, eating food that makes you acidic, etc. Stress actually numbs our capacity to feel pleasure and yet we need pleasure to counter-act the damaging effects of stress.
    3. Enjoy Softening: Define for yourself ways in which you could soften and relax, such as taking a bath with flower petals and candle light or deepening your breath when receiving a compliment or touch from someone.
    4. Self-Pleasuring: You must become your own best lover and give yourself the touch you yearn for. Let go of any goals towards orgasm, instead indulge in exploring yourself slowly. Pause, soften, and breathe as you start to get aroused. The more you take the time to explore your pleasure potential, the more you ignite it!
    5. Jade Egg Practice: The practice of using a small Jade Egg inter-vaginally. It’s excellent for pelvic health and awakening your pleasure potential. It also helps to send much needed signals via your pelvic nerve to your brain so that you can live from a deeply integrated, creative, place of self-love.

 

Aside from the obvious ‘sensual/sexual’ side of pleasure, pleasure also comes in many forms. Do you know what your key ‘pleasure activation’ activities are?

Make time right now to discover what simple, yet fun activities that you could do each day to create higher doses of pleasure for yourself.

Pleasure Tip of the Day:

The more you get your groove on, the more alive you will feel! 

One of the fastest ways to shift our mood, enhance our life-giving hormones, and create more openness in our body is through moving & shaking!

See if you can find a few minutes each day in this coming week (& longer if it brings you delight) to put on a favorite piece of music and just let yourself move with joy and innocence.

If you want to add a pelvic healing component, then add some curvy movements with your hips such as hip circles, side-to-side or front-to-back tilts, or even a shimmy or three!

Whatever you choose make pleasure a priority.

You will find yourself feeling more fulfilled, juicy, confident, and expressed and the world will be a better place for it.

If you want more delicious aliveness in your life, be sure to put your name and email below and you will instantly receive my free video series: 3 Myths That Are Killing Your Pleasure (& What To Do About It). 

And be sure to leave your comment below on what steps you are taking to weave more pleasure into your life.

Happy International Woman’s Day!

Let’s champion our birthright of Pleasure together…

To Kegel or Not to Kegel:

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How Too Much Of A Good Thing Is Bad For You.

We’ve all heard of doing at least 300 Kegels* per day to increase our pleasure and pelvic health.

In the 1940s, *Dr. Kegal created pelvic floor exercises (focusing on the PuboCoccygeus muscle aka PC muscle) which he prescribed along with using a Perineometer (biofeedback device) for incontinent women.

Now the problem is that we rarely see biofeedback devices being used with these exercises nor do we understand the implications of 300+ PC contractions/day.

In fact, doing so many contractions can actually lead to deteriorating our pelvic floor.

Squeezing For Pleasure

“In popular literature, Kegel’s exercises are most frequently described as those which have to do with the “stopping and starting the flow of urine”.  As a simple means of pubococcygeus muscle identification, this test is educational—but only for those who already have strong muscles.  It was never intended to be the “instructional tool” that it has become in women’s magazines. Indeed, Elizabeth Noble even warns against this practice, which often leads only to “anxiety, stress and loss of control”3.” – John D. Perry, PhD & Leslie Talcott Hullett, MS, RN

The popularity of ‘squeezing for pleasure’ and pelvic health has reached its peak, having been taken on by doctors, nurses, women’s magazines, and women’s health practitioners around the world.

There are literally hundreds of programs on how to ‘work-out’ the pelvic floor for the goal of a toned and tight vagina.

The problem is that these programs are creating both physical & psychological tension that result in a reduction in pleasure.

On a psychological level, it affirms that here is something insufficient or not-good-enough about our own sexual anatomy.

This thought alone can spiral us into anxiety and depression, which contributes to worsening our pelvic health as well as possibly reducing or killing our libido entirely.

On a physical level, the problem isn’t exercising the pelvis. In fact, our pelvic needs to be exercised regularly, daily preferably.

But as with any healthy exercise program, there needs to be:

1. a gentle warm-up

2. attuning the mind/consciousness with the area being exercised

3. the exercise itself being done with joy (joy has been found to exponentially increase positive results exercise)

4. a cool down of gentle stretches and relaxation

In fact, if a vagina is too strong and too tight, it can impede relaxation necessary for orgasm along with actually squeezing the penis so hard that a man can lose his erection!

The 2 Missing Ingredients to Exquisite Pelvic Health & Pleasure

When it comes to pleasure, tightness and tone are only 1/3 of the picture.

The other 2/3’s is covered by the principles of suppleness and dexterity.

Suppleness is our ability to relax and melt open our vagina and pelvic floor.

Suppleness leads to greater and deeper orgasms. 

Too much tension in our pelvic muscles can inhibit healthy blood flow needed to engorge our genitals as well as possibly inhibiting sensation.

So contracting and relaxing are absolutely essential to our ability to cultivate our deeper pleasure potential.

Most of us find it fairly easy to squeeze and contract, whereas few of us really understand how to deeply melt open and soften our pelvic floor.

Then there is dexterity—our ability to skillfully use our pelvic muscles.

Dexterity of the vagina is hardly known or spoken of, yet it is the KEY secret to profound pleasure for women!

Our vagina is surrounded by layers of different pelvic floor muscles and when we learn how to access, squeeze and contract them, we literally awaken our vagina in ways we never dreamed of.

The more skill we have in ‘playing the flute’ (squeezing and relaxing different sections of our vagina), the more we awaken our vagina and the more we claim our deep, pelvic pleasure for ourselves!

Here’s the thing, vagina’s barely wake up by strong contractions and/or thrusting alone.

Spiral movements of a skilled finger, toy, or penis starts to increase sensation in our vagina.

But the true awakening happens when there is no external movement, but rather with a range of exquisite internal movements (equally resulting in gorgeous pleasure for our partner as well).

This means that we literally pleasures ourself through rippling, milking, pulsing movements of our vagina.

These movements ennervate our vagina and send exquisite signals of orgasmic pleasure throughout our pelvis and whole body, igniting our brains so we literally experience a transcendent connection with life.

Best of all, its never too late to learn, refine, and enjoy our very own awakened and dextrous yoni.

If it feels delicious for you to explore and deepen your pleasure potential, check out my unique, in-depth Jade Egg practice. Click to get your own copy of my book and enjoy exploring the Jade Egg.

You Are Gourmet, So Stop Acting Like Drive-Thru!

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Are you feel tired of being alone?

Do you wonder where all the delicious, conscious partners have gone to?

When you see another woman madly in love and being adored by her partner, does your heart squeeze painfully as you hide your own desperate need to be met?

How many more unfulfilling and uninspiring dates will you need to go on before you finally ‘strike gold’?

May be you have found someone you really enjoy, but have no clue how to ‘keep them interested’?

Whatever your relationship issues are, there is one fundamental flaw in how most women approach partnership:

We behave like drive-thru.

The following is a story told by the Wintu Tribal Elders of California:

How The Female Eagle Chooses Her Mate

When it comes time for the female Eagle to choose her mate, she prepares herself for many suitors. And many come before her. 

She looks them over quite well and then picks one to fly with for awhile.

If she likes the way he flies she finds a small stick, picks it up and flies high with it. At some point she will drop the stick to see if the male can catch it. 

If he does, then she finds a larger stick and flies with it much higher this time. 

Each time the male catches the sticks, she continues to pick up larger and larger sticks. When she finds the largest, heaviest stick that she herself can carry, the stick is at this point almost the size of a small log! But she can still fly very high with this large stick. 

At any time in this process, if the male fails to catch the stick, she flies away from him as her signal that the test is now over. She begins her search all over again. 

And when she again finds a male she is interested in, she starts testing him in the exact same way. And she will continue this “testing” until she finds the male Eagle who can catch all the sticks. 

And when she does, she chooses him, and will mate with him for life. 

One of the reasons for this test is that at some point they will build a nest together high up and will then have their Eaglettes. When the babies begin to learn to fly, they sometimes fall instead. It is then that the male must catch his young. And he does! 

Women, how well do you “test” your suitors before you allow them into your life?   

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This story speaks to how we have forgotten that we are actually gourmet, worthy of respect, devotion, and adoration.

Instead, we behave like drive-thru, allowing ourselves to bargain for love.

We don’t bother to see if the person is actually worthy of receive our love, our beauty, and our deepest, most delicious delights.

Why do we do this?

In part, relationship has been cheapened. Initially, we consider our virginity a disease, attempting to get rid of it as quickly as possible.

Then, wanting to come across as the hottest sex goddess in town, we shush our yearning hearts and gift our bodies to unworthy recipients.

We know they are unworthy because we are left feeling empty and unmet.

To compound things, we have our biological clocks ticking and literally making us ‘mad’. Mad enough to get pregnant with someone with whom we really would rather NOT share the rest of our life with.

Finally, we are left in sexless and loveless marriages, where we feel ugly, unloved, and barren of any enthusiasm for beauty and adventure.

But there is a solution to this downward spiral.

Gourmet Relationship.

To attract a gourmet relationship, we must first be willing to be gourmet!

This means that we fill our own plates first! We do this by deepening and enriching our primary relationship with ourselves, becoming our own best friend, lover, and partner.

When we have a full gourmet plate and we are clear on what is non-negotiable for us, we can step confidently into the world of dating.

In fact, because we are so satisfied with our own connection with ourselves, we are no longer behaving like a woman in desperate need.

Neediness is unattractive.

It implies that we are empty and that someone else must do the filling. Any healthy person would shy away from this knowing that it is impossible to fill an empty hole.

When we are whole, we no longer look for our better half. We have already found it!

Instead, we become irresistible, magnetic, and someone worthy of wooing.

Gourmet relationship is one where two whole and sovereign people come together for the sake of delighting in each other, for the joy of sharing the adventure of life, and for the celebration of their uniqueness.

Want to put an end to lifeless and unfulfilling relationship? Click here to get my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

The Art Of Flirting:

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5 Surprising Secrets To Conscious Flirting.

Do you remember the feeling of your heart racing as a random stranger gives you a gorgeous smile and says something playful to you?

Or perhaps you are feeling particularly juicy and find yourself smiling and engaging in a fun banter with your local grocer?

Or maybe you have notice how your friend always seems to charm everyone while you feel a little unnoticed?

Flirting is more than just a smile and some quirky lines, flirting is how we celebrate the beauty of being alive.

Flirting is Natural & Necessary

Flirting is for all ages and is actually the lubricant of delight in our world.

I’m not speaking about the type of flirting that is locked into a goal of ‘getting something’ or just purely ‘sexual’ in its intent.

The true expression of flirting is a genuine desire to share in the beauty of life and ignite another person, even for a brief moment.

Flirting of this kind is never inappropriate and nor is it something we need to read a book on, it is something all of us naturally know.

It is our ability to see beauty in others along with the desire to see this beauty shine even brighter.

5 insights to Artful Flirting

1. Beauty Within and Without

Artful flirting is not possible if we do not acknowledge beauty, within ourselves and others.

This means we must seek to experience and express our own innate beauty regularly.

It also means defining for yourself what beauty is and allowing beauty to touch you profoundly, actually opening you up to the deep experience of aliveness within you.

2. Authentic Warmth

Another secret to successful flirting is to spend time opening your heart.

Discover what burdens your heart and do your best to transform that and make new choices.

You will find yourself falling in love with yourself which naturally translates into having a warm, authentic presence.

3. Marrying Our Heart and Erotic Nature

This inner marriage is yet another fundamental must in artful flirting and succulent living.

This is when your emotional nature is allowed to blossom, mature, and to become a lover with your erotic nature.

It is also when your own sexuality is honored for her wisdom, innocence and intelligence.

Your erotic nature yearns to be met by the radiant respect of your heart.

This union within you gives you access to delicious, new, subtle (but not so subtle) experiences of your pleasure as your birthright.

It also creates a gourmet relationship with yourself which allows you to go out into the world from an abundant place of true desire and creativity.

4. Igniting Delight Within

Igniting delight within yourself is the fourth insight to living a succulent and artfully flirtatious life.

Looking at your current definition of delight and possibly refining and expanding upon it can do wonders for opening up to new levels of delight.

Delight is a result of an open heart and alive sensuality. It is your capacity to perceive and sense beauty and pleasure in the world and to translate it internally as deliciousness.

5. Letting go of Goals

Flirting is often connected with sex being the end result.

But flirting with a specific goal can also lead to disappointment, or worse, manipulating others so we can have our needs satisfied.

Therefore, being able to let go of the need to ‘make someone’ react a certain way to our ‘flirtatious’ offering allows us to come from a place of generosity versus a place of lack.

This shift allows us to flirt as a way of sharing our aliveness with integrity and sensitivity.

It becomes something amazingly invigorating and fulfilling, in of itself!

The Dark Side of Flirting

Saying all of that, it is important to pay homage to the dark-side of flirting.

We live in a world that has a skewed view on sensuality and sexuality and for some, flirting can only be seen as manipulative or debasing.

Of course, they have missed the point (and the joy!).

But it is also wise to understand that not everyone will respond to flirting with delight.

Once we know this and once we are truly aligned to the Art of Flirting itself, we can then pick and choose our moments so that we only bring more positive connection into the world.

So the next time you are at a check-out counter and the clerk asks if you need anything else, you might answer, “Yes” and pause for a moment to see if they are listening. With eye contact say, “A smile would make my day.” 9 times out of 10, they will break into a brilliant smile.

If living more artfully with your playful sensuality is something that turns you on, you may delight in exploring my Art of Succulent Living philosophy. Click here to enjoy my book.

How To Take Advantage Of Your Man’s Wandering Eyes

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You are out with your man and a gorgeous woman walks by, he almost breaks his neck from following her with his eyes.

You find your man flipping through picture after picture of beautiful women on the internet while he barely notices your presence.

On the beach, you are walking hand in hand with your lover when you notice his eyes lingering on a beautiful woman’s shapely tanned body.

Before you start to get angry or feel betrayed and hurt, you may want to step back for a moment and take a better look at your man.

As frustrating as his ‘wandering eyes’ can be, there is a gift to them!

The key is to understand this natural masculine response to beauty and to take full advantage of it.

Why do his eyes wander?

Before accusing him of being unfaithful or just a plain outright pervert, you may want to peek into the motivator behind the action.

Testosterone.

We love this guy, don’t we?

In fact, testosterone is responsible for that feeling of desire and is the instigator behind our libido.

Without testosterone, there would be no sexual play, no attraction, just cuddles and snuggles, but not hot, burning lust.

Testosterone also is behind the sexy, strong muscles we love so much.

What about confidence?

Testosterone again! Self-confidence and assertiveness are enhanced with its presence.

And don’t we just love a confident man who knows what he wants?

Absolutely.

Yet the very same hormone is initiates sexual thoughts and fantasies and increases our desire for one-night stands and affairs, as it is quite fond of novelty.

Which is where the ‘other woman’ comes in.

The unknown beauty ramps up your mans testosterone levels and before you know it, his eyes are eating her alive.

The same happens within us, albeit at levels a little less intense then an man’s.

Now, testosterone has a buddy.

LHRH. In fact, it is LHRH that kick starts our man’s testosterone when a gorgeous woman shows up.

It also regulates testosterone levels in his body making sure that he is always ‘ready and willing’ when a woman is available.

Now here’s the catch:

Stress and the threat of danger can short-circuit this cyclical two-part harmony and shut down your man. The same is true for you.

Here’s the deal.

When a man’s has been in a relationship for a long time, there is often a loss of novelty, of excitement, and therefore, the loss of testosterone. 

To make matters worse, the stress of life and feelings of being dominated or belittled dwindle a man’s testosterone levels.

In fact, one of the worst culprits of male castration has been the Feminist movement. Men no longer know how to be good men AND maintain their testosterone levels.

Have you castrated you man? Do you hang him ‘out by the balls’?

Men are remarkably sensitive creatures.

Testosterone, as potent and delicious as it can be, is also phenomenally delicate and easily disrupted by external causes.

As a man ages and perhaps gains a little weight, his testosterone levels go down. When he loses, at work or socially, his levels plummet.

The lower they are, the less drive he will have, both inside and outside of the bedroom

But there’s help.

By encouraging your man’s testosterone and LHRH levels.

How?

Before kicking his butt down to the local gym and getting him to pump iron, you may want to consider how powerful your influence actually is.

Rev his motor and ride his turn on!

Once you understand that you can play a part in creating a sexy, confident, and turned on man, you may find great joy in creating new ways to titillate your man.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Point out hot women to him and let him know that his turn on is your turn on.

2. Send him texts or emails with images of gorgeous women (that you find beautiful too).

3. Write him an explicit fantasy of your own. Get wild in your story-telling and leave it on his desk-top for him to find.

4. If you are game, turn yourself on and record your own sounds of pleasure. Talk to him and let him know what you are doing. Send him the recording or leave it on his voice mail.

Men are both highly visual and auditory.

The more you surprise him this way, the more excited and delighted he will be. And the healthier his levels of testosterone will be.

Through gifting our man the freedom to respond to beauty, he will find a new sense of novelty within his relationship, finding us all the more attractive and desirable.

If it feels juicy to gain confidence and insight to delight in beauty and share its inspiration with your partner, click here to get started with my book: The Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

Yoni-Pulse: Do you have one?

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7 Insights to Awaken Your Arousal Cues.

Have you felt your own yoni-pulse lately? The deep, persistent throbbing within you that reminds you life is not only about to-do lists and end results?

May be you have never felt your own molten heat filling your core and wonder what all the fuss is about?

Or worse, you used to feel this primal resonance, yet now it is elusive and random at best.

Whatever the case, most of us are actually conditioned out of noticing our own arousal cues from a very young age… it is literally socialized out of us!

Finding Your Yoni-Pulse

Within every woman lives a deep secret, a secret that is measurable by modern instruments, yet its true purpose is hardly understood.

This secret is not of your mind.

Or even your heart. Although both are involved in it.

It is of your Yoni. Your genitals.

More specifically, it is related to the health and expression of your pelvic nerve.

There has been a correlation between strong yoni-pulses, a literal pulsing or throbbing inside our yoni, and stronger, consistent communication with our brain via our pelvic nerve.

Erotically, this means we have greater ease in accessing our deep pleasure.

Yet if all women are born with this pulse, so why do most  women suffer from its disappearing act?

“Don’t touch yourself like that, it’s dirty! Bad girl!”

How can something that feels so good, be so wrong? Is our wiring all mixed up?

No.

It is the adults who are all mixed up and unfortunately, this trend of ‘socializing young girls to be proper’ is literally turning down or completing shutting down this primal and essential communication between our yoni and our brain.

Mixed messages of feeling something is delicious and being told that it is bad is very damaging to our delicate and intrinsic nature.

Our yoni’s were not just designed to be a birthing canal and place for sexual interaction, they were also perfectly designed to give us accurate ‘readings’ of the world around us.

Women who have not lost this connection or those who reconnect with it say the same: they constantly get clear messages from their yoni’s on a daily basis.

They know when something is delicious and enlivening because their yoni pulses with more certainty and vigor.

They equally know when something is off as their yoni’s pulse becomes almost still and indistinguishable.

So what are we doing when we program little girls away from listening to their own deep inner guidance?

We are creating a world where women feel lost, disconnected, lifeless, numb, and unsure of themselves.

I want to feel my yoni-pulse please!

If we have lost touch with our deep instinctual wisdom, how can we reclaim it and reap the benefits of rekindling a profound trust in our own self?

1. Being Honest: The first step is to acknowledge that you are not fully attuned to your yoni-pulse.

2. Pay Attention & Notice: Make a choice to pay attention to your yoni in different situations. Sometimes you may notice her pulsing at the oddest moments. Do not discount her! Simply acknowledge to yourself that you are indeed ‘turned on’ and breathe into it.

3. Let Go Of stories: Don’t worry about justifying your turn-on, instead focus on actually feeling your turn-on and perhaps even amplifying it.

4. Allow Yourself To BE: Know that you don’t actually have to do anything about your turn-on, sometimes the greatest gift is just to be turned on.

5. Explore Slowly: Spend time exploring your yoni in an un-rushed, non-goal oriented way. In fact, the more you can relax and enjoy yourself, even to the point of just simply holding your yoni or a point inside of her, you will start to feel an exquisite pulse and even perhaps, a delicious tingle that will rise up your finger into your hand and arm.

6, Relax Profoundly: I cannot stress enough the importance of your ability to melt, soften, and relax completely. If you are not sure how to do this, start simply with the idea of melting open your pelvic floor. Once you think you have it, melt even more.

7. Positive Affirmation: Affirm your turn-on and its wisdom as often as you can. The more you do, the more you will feel and the more you will learn to trust this deep compass within you.

By awakening our yoni-pulse and reclaiming its exquisite pleasure and wisdom, we activate the center in our brain responsible for our self-esteem and courage and enter a world of transcendent beauty and creativity.

If it feels delicious to explore the genius within your pelvis, you may want to explore the Jade Egg practice, revealed in my book.