I Dare You To Trust…

Do you have difficulty trusting? Yourself? Others? In life?

Maybe you’ve trusted before, only to experience heart-breaking betrayal?

Or perhaps trust, like a foreign country, sounds interesting, but you’ve never known it yourself.

Whatever the case, trust is an inborn trait of all living beings [think babies].

Without it, we’d never survive.

Yet how can we trust when those we’ve loved have broken this precious bond?

When, from birth, the very structure that socialized us simultaneously tore from us our innate connection with life?

When our own body betrays us—through desire or lack thereof?

Yet trust we must as it’s the sole vehicle that carries us out from the weight of our conditioning.

Lucky for us, trust is actually a choice.

The question that begs to be asked is: will we make that choice?

Within each of us, lives our own inherent genius.

The part of us that’s not only profoundly connected with life itself, but which equally understands that which yearns to be born, touched, and expressed within us.

She cannot be tamed or destroyed.

Rather, she is profoundly patient, awaiting the moment we finally come back home to ourselves.

In a world that entraps our desires, how do we distinguish that which returns us to ourselves?

Society. Religion. Politics. Family. And yes, even the so-called “Goddess Movement” have all contributed to the continued illusion that we are not enough exactly as we are.

You were born sovereign—whole unto yourself—and whether or not you know and act as such, you remain sovereign.

If there is an illness in women, it’s the forgetting of our own sovereignty. Instead, we habitually and unquestionably assign our power to everyone and everything else.

Here’s the deal, no one has the power to rescue you…

Heal you…

Awaken you…

Or free you.

… but yourself.

In the moment you choose, shift happens.

The key is to hold your power within yourself as you graciously thank whomever has been present to witness the birth of yourself.

I’ve seen, time and time again, women who assign their radiance to a teacher, leader, lover, and yes, even to the Jade Egg: where any positive or transformational results are simultaneously celebrated and disowned.

Over and over again, we refuse ourselves.

So how than can we trust?

Trust is a radical choice.

The only choice, the choice to come back home to yourself; no matter how messy, shutdown, confused, or empowered we believe ourselves to be.

So I dare you to trust.

To trust in the inherent genius of YOU.

The time is NOW.

You’re the one you’ve been yearning for.

Now it’s your turn.

How do you relate to trust? Are you willing to come home to yourself and rebuild the most essential trust of all? Join the conversation and let me know, in the comments below, if you accept my dare to trust yourself and why {or why not?}.

63 replies
  1. Beth
    Beth says:

    Just got home and read this. Love this so much. It makes me think back to an earlier video that you put out about pleasure being your rudder that video helped me understand where my trust lives. Along time ago I saw a healer and he told me if you can stop living from obligation you will be free. I never understood his words until now. Trusting myself and my pleasure even if it not what I “think” the pleasure community wants of me( because I my tricky mind and turn that into an obligation for myself ) is key.

    Reply
  2. Paula
    Paula says:

    Yes, I take your dare! I so admire the work you do Saida and know how important it is for women… We are learning but we need someone to shine the light on the truth that has been and continues to be hidden.. I have always found it hard to trust myself. I was always made to feel wrong and so put my power in someone else’s hands.. I still do in some ways but am much, much better and getter better every day. I know, at least I recognize the truth in the statement that we hold all the answers within ourselves… I will practice learning to trust myself.. Thank you for the gift of you!

    Reply
  3. sara
    sara says:

    I trust myself as long as there are no men around.. In my intimate relationships & at work I am often disconnected from my own genius to the point that it doesn’t even occur to me that I have a sense or opinion on a particular topic let alone one that differs from the man in the room.. I take up the challenge though the idea of it brings tears and sadness for me, I trust that one day I will pass through the tears more quickly and more often and align more with that essential part of me. x

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Sweet Sara, I’m breathing with you. This is not a little choice, it’s a choice that impacts the rest of your life… so it makes sense that there’s a strong response to making it. 🙂 Here’s the deal, this doesn’t mean that you won’t make “mistakes” (if there is such a thing), but that you will respect and hold yourself no matter what choices you do make. Baby steps…

      Reply
  4. Kim
    Kim says:

    Hi Saida, Thank you for this article. Yes, I take your dare to trust myself. Just announcing this publicly is a little fearful, because it means to me that I cannot back out of the dare, as I will keep remembering I took the dare. If I don’t follow through, then I am betraying myself. I have betrayed myself so many times over my lifetime, ignoring “red flags” and my intuition because I didn’t feel worthy enough or because I had already promised and/or arranged to doing something (i.e., a wedding, a move), and I certainly couldn’t back out now, could I? Even though my gut was screaming at me. And of course, whatever I was ignoring backfired and had severe ramifications on my health and well-being. Then comes the next step of forgiveness and not beating myself up for not listening. Because something good has always come out of the choices I made. And if I didn’t go through all of this, I wouldn’t be helping women now who are going through the same things. Love you and what you do!

    Reply
  5. Sandy
    Sandy says:

    Hi Saida, I am learning to trust myself. My mind, my body, my spirit. I have been awakening this in me in these last few years. It has taken a lot of hard work.
    I grew up and spent years pleasing others not really seeing I had a choice…it was always for others…not wanting to hurt anyone by making the wrong decision yet hurting myself in that process. Once I realized I had a choice…my choice for me…to trust me…I have felt the freedom to be vulnerable and and feel whole.

    Reply
  6. Isabelle
    Isabelle says:

    Thank you dear Said a for this beautiful words. Very timely indeed.
    I’ve felt in myself this call for some years now and I have slow down a lot of things in my life and observed it and myself a lot instead. And yes I discovered how much I give my power to others instead of trusting myself. It’s an everyday practice to rewire myself and learn to put myself first, always, as unconsciously I still always choose to put other first.
    These last month I’m allowing myself more and more to meet and come to term with my deepest fear : abandonment. Of course I live it in my relationships with others but the true core of it is that I am the one who abandon myself. So trust is really the answer, to really see and accept that I am trustworthy.
    Today was very special in this spirit and it’s a blessing to read this article this evening.
    And I feel it’s like I have a deep knowing of this truth inside me, that it is such an obvious and natural thing to do to trust myself and yet unconsciously I always spontaneously choose to not trust myself. Quite puzzling for me I admit 🙂

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Ah yes, Isabelle! I know this one very well. 🙂 What is the gift of abandonment? In my experience, it’s Sovereignty! Wild, isn’t it?

      Reply
  7. jeca
    jeca says:

    well I know how to trust myself, or I don’t feel myself,never did since I was born,, all I know is feeling of fear or emptiness… what ever I do i end up with that..so that is me or there is no me..what to trust then

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Hi Jeca, it sounds like your young life was the sort that did not hold your sacred trust (innocence). The beautiful thing about being human and having a mammalian brain/system, we can actually re-imprint ourselves! Yes, it starts with first being willing to make contact with ourselves and then, slowly, slowly, learning to be fully present to oneself enough to discern trust-worthy “others” and initiating the re-imprinting. It’s not too late, but it does require you to choose.

      Reply
  8. Anja Thorrez
    Anja Thorrez says:

    Yes! I trust my inherent genius. My trust is growing the last months and I feel the difference: I feel the fire within me burning as never before, having more self-love and a huge desire to life, to do what I’m passionate about!

    Reply
  9. Sahara
    Sahara says:

    Just these days I was thinking about trust, how I should trust more the life itself and have peace inside my being knowing that I will get everything I need and achieve everything I planned that is aligned with my purpose. I felt I had few obstacles and I tried to push but it didn’t give results, when I started thinking more of trust idea, things started to fall in place. I guess that’s better, more feminine approach, to have trust and peace. So this article, like it came to further support me in that idea 🙂

    Reply
  10. Louise
    Louise says:

    I am having difficulties with my significant other because I don’t have personal trust in him. I don’t trust him with my body as a result of past physically painful experiences. I don’t trust his words because he often says what he does not mean, and does not say what he does mean. I don’t trust that he has my back as a result of his ‘not rooting for me’, or defending me when I needed it. All I can do is (a) respect my own boundaries, and insist that he respects them, so he knows where they are, (b) gently and consistently call him out on his inaccurate use of words, (c) ask him to defend me when I need some backup, and accept as OK whatever defence he is willing to give.

    Once I can trust myself to be the trustworthy guardian of my own physical boundaries, my own standards and choices, and my own communication, I think I will be on my way to trusting him more. Even if I never end up being able to trust him completely, it all starts with me, and engendering my own trust in myself. Without trust in myself it is impossible for me to trust anyone else.

    Reply
      • Louise
        Louise says:

        I trust myself enough to know that remaining with him is OK for now, but that I might make the decision to walk away from it at some time in the future (again – done it once when the kids were younger). I am not in immediate danger of physical harm, or verbal abuse that I cannot step aside from. He is just not a very ‘aware’ person. He doesn’t ‘relate’ well. He doesn’t mean to do it, or not do it; it is all unconscious for him. I think it stems from his own fear and shame, poor darling. I simply enlist vigilance and look after myself and my own interests, rather than unquestionably trusting him. Perhaps the knowledge that I would all through my life have to look after my own interests is something I failed to learn as a child, something my parents neglected to teach me? Well, I am learning it now. 😉

        Yes, I am trusting him more, but no more than I would trust anyone with whom I had a non-intimate relationship. My trust ebbs and flows according to how I read his actions and inactions, and his responses; the evidence for and against trusting him. I am getting a clearer picture of the scope and limits of my trust of him. He is an OK guy. Nobody is perfect. Why should I allow his fear and shame turn my world upside down by ending it? He is like a tree, immovable and shady, been around for decades, but with limited ability to communicate clearly. However, I don’t stand under his canopy during the thunder and lightning storms of life!

        Perhaps I have already left the relationship? Am I waiting for him to change? Not any more. I am learning to accept him as he is, and live with him on my own terms. If he wakes up or grows of his own volition, I will um … that will be another story.

        Reply
        • Saida Desilets
          Saida Desilets says:

          The most important, Louise, is to keep choosing to trust yourself, no matter WHO is in your life. Trust that you know and you will act in alignment with your inner knowing, even if it means stepping anew into the unknown.

          Reply
  11. Jaya
    Jaya says:

    Saida, much resonance with this post… Trust is the very foundation for a healthy relationship and being fully present in the moment, nurturing my personal power. Safety, empowerment, and racial literacy occur when we believe that what we say and do is significant to ourselves and others. Being selfless, with intention, attention, ease, joy and curiosity, using my gifts wisely and with grace I am enJOYing my Life…it has not been an easy ride but I am coming into my own… Sharing this poem with you beautiful!!..
    Lives of beauty and pain
    Intersecting
    Beauty with pain
    Pain with beauty
    Your eyes bright with concern
    Hold my wounds from shattering
    My arms strong with passion
    Wrap themselves around your grief
    With wounds cleansed in their bleeding
    And grief cried in the arms of LOVE
    We can go on
    Living our lives of beauty and pain
    ~ Jaya

    Reply
  12. Trinity
    Trinity says:

    Thank you Saida! Good timing, my beloved and I are navigating some delicate territory right now around boundaries. This article is good encouragement to lean in to the re-patterning of choosing congruency with all my being. Although ecstacy and bonding are so beautiful and delicious I have had a tendency to override my own heart and there for deeper more honest living truths. I am so wanting this trust in myself, and love feeling it as simple as a moment to moment choice! Sometimes it feels more like a desperate plea for the inner strength, recognition… and capability. I guess my confidence has been a bit broken here, steading myself on the path of self trust! Big love ~ Thanks you

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Trinity, it is through our ability to love what is, to admit to it, own it, adore it, claim it all, and cherish our messy ‘humanness’ that we can learn that it’s all exquisite. We are here. We’re alive. This is it! And yes, trusting ourselves is such an amazing journey.

      Reply
  13. Rachel
    Rachel says:

    Yes! I accept and know the truth of this. That I am whole and complete. That I am powerful and my healing comes from within. Thank you for this beautiful challenge and for seeing us as the perfection that we are, in all our flavors and expressions. Xx

    Reply
  14. Faith
    Faith says:

    Spirit still amazes me.
    This morning my husband challenged me to trust God. Going to my prayer time, your email arrived in my inbox challenging me to trust myself. I accept, both. Then I realize that God trusts me. That’s why He entrusted this life to me.

    Thanks, Saida!

    Reply
  15. Bonnie Pura
    Bonnie Pura says:

    Hi Saida and All: I accept the challenge, because I realize without trust in life itself there is no forward movement! It is lack of trust that keeps us stuck and unbalanced. Trust must be renewed each moment until it has become the way! Here’s to all who take on the trust track to wholeness! Love…

    Reply
  16. Sheila
    Sheila says:

    You know, I have been thinking on this very thing for months now. I had some folks close to me break agreements over and over. I was so upset. I finally realized how upset I was that I was allowing my boundaries to be broken. During that time, though, I had a realization for myself that trust is really about trusting myself. So I can only trust someone insofar as I trust MYSELF *with* that person. Right now, I am still working through and healing those wounds, that I was not there for myself and did not stand up for myself but instead kept trying to make everyone else happy, which turned out to be impossible, thankfully, because I learned A LOT….FINALLY.

    Thank you for this question: “What is needed to feel more at home in myself?” Important exploration ahead.

    “It’s becoming apparent that loving myself is actually not the same thing as deeply trusting myself.” Yes! Soooo true….

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Love all of this Sheila! Super powerful, especially the part about realizing that it’s impossible to make others happy!

      Reply
  17. Rita
    Rita says:

    When a person or organization first opens the door to your greater spirituality, don’t worship the door opener, worship the greater spirituality

    Reply
    • Pam
      Pam says:

      Very timely article for me, Saida, as this very day I am in such deep thought about what Life asks of me. And your comment is also a very important piece for me, Rita, as I was in a bit of a swoon over a “door opener.” Thank you to both of you.

      Reply
  18. Vimukta
    Vimukta says:

    This is something i have been pondering the last couple of weeks. I feel like there is information overload these days. And so many womens sights on FB etc, leaving me frazzled. I noticed i wasnt just being quiet and listening to my own body and intuition and wisdom. Time to slow down and tune in, listen and trust myself.

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Oh yes, Vimukta! Sometimes there is great service in seeing the insights of our community, however, it is ALWAYS a great service to take the time to tune into ourselves.

      Reply
  19. Paola
    Paola says:

    Trusting oneself is daring: our families, our friends, our job collegues. One needs the strength n inner wisdom to confront n stay in the path, beyond all established rules. U are great Saida?

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Thank you Paola, this must be said. We gloss over these deeper issues in lieu of wanting to be the ‘perfect, together woman.’

      Reply
  20. Nadia
    Nadia says:

    Saida, I can really relate to Rachelle as I, too, have broken so many self promises. I don’t trust myself to look out for myself.

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Hi Nadia, remember what I wrote? That your inherent genius is very wise in that she just waits until you are willing to come home to yourself. Are you willing to do that? Even if trust feels far away right now?

      Reply
  21. Leah Sage
    Leah Sage says:

    Hello YES bang on-point for me!!! I literally wrote this in an email last night; “I’m noticing that beneath the uncertainty is lack of trust in myself. I’m wondering what would happen if I leaned into the fears and past pain, gave them a huge hug and trusted myself more?”. Hmmm I wonder?

    I’m loving the idea that trust cannot be tamed or destroyed and that it’s a choice. That feels very empowering to me.

    It’s becoming apparent that loving myself is actually not the same thing as deeply trusting myself.

    Gaining clarity, thank-you,

    Leah xx

    PS Oh and hell yes I accept the invitation to trust myself. The time is so NOW!!! xx

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Ah Rachelle… breathing with you. Rebuilding this trust, although may feel monumental, is profoundly important to your thrival. When I’ve broken trust with myself, I get honest and accountable with myself and ask myself what’s needed to feel more at home in myself.

      Reply
  22. Chantal Audet
    Chantal Audet says:

    dear Saida,

    what a marvellous profound invitation.

    and HELL YES ! I chose now to TRUST ME !!

    Why ?
    Because something deep inside me stirred when I read your words.
    And I know that energy. It is me. When in my life I have been connected to it everything flowed….even or especially my most irrational ideas or incline.
    but I forget…I lose touch. THANK YOU for reminding me.

    love

    Reply

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