Your Body, Your Sexuality, Your Choice

Women’s issues are on the forefront of change around the globe, which is very exciting!

We are confronting establishments and ideals and taking a stand for our bodies.

Yet on a micro-level, in my field of work around the psycho-sexual nature of women, there’s evidence the same revolution is needed.

I’ve been witnessing doctors making uncontested, unsubstantiated claims and self-proclaimed “Jade Egg/Yoni Egg” teachers saying equally unsubstantiated new-age miracle cures.

Yet what this is about isn’t the Jade Egg, it’s how these women empowerment leaders are failing to lead.

Rather, they prefer to lie, slander and shame one another and any women in the line of fire, which degrades the profundity of this life-transforming practice.

What’s even more screamingly obvious, is that the unspoken issue here (and globally) is actually about you: Your power. Your freedom. Your sovereignty.

Social conditioning has made it so that we blindly defer our power to anyone of ‘authority’, so the sooner we realize that we project our own power and radiance onto leaders, the sooner we can reclaim ourselves and start behaving as sovereign women.

If we do not come forward and claim our own sacred ground – our body – someone else will predetermine how it is for us.

We are constantly shamed and bullied into surgeries, prescriptions, procedures, and so-called empowerment trainings.

We believe it when we are told we are not good enough, complete enough, woman enough, sexy enough, Feminine enough, orgasmic enough… in short, we are not okay as we are right now.

And the solution to fix our imperfect selves is that we must do ‘this’ and ‘that’ to finally be able to meet this imaginary standard of perfection that someone else has set.

Right?

I don’t think so.

The only way I know to transform the suppression of our greatness is to come home to ourselves.

Right now.

Right now, choose you.

DARE to be yourself, to love yourself, to listen to yourself, and to actually enjoy who you naturally are.

It’s not empowering to NEED someone (doctor, teacher, guru, etc).

It’s not empowerment if a practice or philosophy creates more self-doubt, depression, less-than, broken, wrong, etc

The madness must end and we’re the ones that can end it.

No one has the RIGHT to determine what happens to your sex. PERIOD.

Your sexuality, your genitals… it’s your sovereign space.

You don’t need surgeries, you don’t need special vagina tricks, you just need YOU.

So what will it be, what everyone else wants you to be or what you choose to live for yourself?

If any of this has rung true for you, please share this and leave me your comments below. You matter. Your story matters.

38 replies
  1. kate
    kate says:

    saida, i wanted to share with you and your readers about a very courageous and empowering woman , roz savage. she is the first and only woman to row across the atlantic and pacific oceans alone ( and not a seasoned athlete!!!) … please read her books! she is an inspiration and now has a website and regular podcasts each sharing stories about exceptional women! she has bravely transformed herself and offers these examples to other women as we journey back to finding ourselves! reading and listening to other women’s stories can offer to us the sisterhood in knowing that we are not alone, never alone….

    Reply
  2. Julie
    Julie says:

    Saida- love your fire! Yes to behaving like Sovereign Women- although there are days when I dont know what that is- there are others when I am completely in alignment with exactly what that is. I honor and appreciate You for teaching me that my Radiance is my greatest gift, and that I must stand in line first to receive it/her/myself. The Unkindness that is present between women in the world comes from not knowing how important we are to each other…and how much we have to share, gift, collaborate and receive from each other. We are deeply connected, whether we see it or not, this is why we feel each other, why another women’s story moves us to action, or on occasion non-action…thank you Saida for opening the conversation further so that we may choose actions that support understanding and connection…knowing that our road is often shrouded ahead….courage, bravery and honor are demanded to move forward…however so is love, compassion and kindness. May we always have more than we need of each, and when we dont, that we have a woman who stands beside us to share hers…

    Reply
  3. Shannon
    Shannon says:

    I so apppreciate your grounded perspective, of how imperative it is to listen to our own voice. For most of my life, I’ve looked to experts and leaders for the answers, thinking they know better than I do, giving my power away time and time again. It has brought me much discontentment, self-doubt and confusion, leading me farther away from my true self. After an especially challenging time over the last year (while following the advice of experts), I decided for my own well being, I needed to step away from the advice,books, teachings, courses, and into the quiet where I can just BE. This is where I can hear my voice…and as you so eloquently say “come home to myself”. To be an empowered woman I must honor my voice above all others. Thank you Saida💗

    Reply
  4. Marni
    Marni says:

    Dearest Saida, thank you SO much for this critical, vital sharing!! I’ve been struggling so miserably with different facets of this. Feeling so raw. Perfect timing for me to read this. Bless you. Made me cry and scream in claiming my sovereignty!! Much love, Marni

    Reply
  5. naomi
    naomi says:

    Thank you Saida, this rings so true for me. The more I explore this, the more I realise just how much influence our education to hand over our self-sovereign power to other people is having. It isn’t just confined to sex and our genitals, it influences our entire lives, our social structures, the ways we relate to each other, the expectations we place on others.

    I do choose to come home to myself, and then I choose it again and again and again because every time I do I see just another layer of how my giving over of my power has impacted my life. It isn’t a one off event, it is a conscious daily choice.

    Thank you for writing and speaking about this in such a clear and understandable way. <3

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Naomi, I adore you. You are definitely a living example of a woman who claims her sovereignty and I’m honored to know you.

      Reply
  6. Efrat Wolfson
    Efrat Wolfson says:

    Beautiful piece as usual Saida! YES! This resonates so strongly for me.
    I’ve been conditioned to believe that I SHOULD be this or that – but what do *I* really want? Still practicing and choosing that every day.
    Much gratitude,
    Efrat

    Reply
  7. Sheridan Kennedy
    Sheridan Kennedy says:

    Yes Saida, I’m in total accord with you! Coming home to ourselves and being fully who we are, being bodyful instead of buying into the mindset that oppresses our bodies and our bodies’ instinctual wisdom- which has for millennia been a very effective way of keeping social control – this is the real evolutionary path. Men need it too but women can lead the way with this and show our men that a better world is possible. Thanks for speaking out beauty, and being the gift that you are.

    Reply
  8. Lauren
    Lauren says:

    Wow yes I love this idea that we don’t need a guru, we don’t need to constantly improve or live up to some standard. It’s one of those pervasive thoughts that can be difficult to catch. Thank you for the reminder!

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      I know, Lauren! I suffer from this as much as you do. Yet, it the choosing of coming home, over and over again, the grasp of consensual reality lessons.

      Reply
  9. Beth
    Beth says:

    Thank you. I have been disheartened by some leaders in this community proclaiming that the sex I’m having, or my yoni , isn’t good enough if it isn’t developed in these particular ways. And of course, they have the course, the program, the solution. It is interesting to witness the blame and shame coming from this side. I really resonate with your message of total sovereignty and self love. Thank you saida, to me your work stands above the rest in its message and heart. Yet There is always more to learn, more shadows to uncover. May we all have the compassion for ourselves and others. Thanks for the reminder of listening to our own heart and womb, above all. <3

    Reply
  10. Deborah
    Deborah says:

    I love this. Especially “, so the sooner we realize that we project our own power and radiance onto leaders, the sooner we can reclaim ourselves and start behaving as sovereign women.” thank you.

    Reply
  11. Kristin
    Kristin says:

    Thank you Saida, I appreciate you and the positive message you send to all women! I have a question…would you mind expressing to me your thoughts and feelings on open relationships. My partner wants an open relationship and is trying to convince me that we have been socialized to believe monogamy is normal. (Ref.Book:sex at dawn) I have honestly tried to wrap my head around this for a couple years now. Reading, listening to podcast on polyamory etc. to find out how people make this work. I love my partner very much but I don’t feel like this is something I can change about myself. Any advice would be much appreciated xoxo 🙂

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Sweet Kristin, just as there are many ways to eat, exercise, work, live and travel, there are many ways to create relationship. If open relationships isn’t your thing, it isn’t your thing. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just how you prefer to love. If your partner prefers open relationships, then it’s possible, unless you are both creative and create a NEW way of loving that is suited to the two of you, you may not be willing to continue in relationship with them because one of you will have to ‘become’ as they other prefers… and that’s not gourmet relationship. In my experience, monogamy and open relationships are facets of the spectrum, but not the end all and be all. There are so many more creative ways to relate that respect both parties.

      Reply
    • June
      June says:

      I was married once to a man who tried to convince me of the same thing for at least 2 years — open marriage, sex was not private & wanted an audience, no curtains allowed on the windows — it eventually was the end of us , a deal-breaker. He moved out, and I felt like I had survived within an inch of my sanity. I shakily stood my ground of what was true for me, and no bad feelings of him moving on to what he wanted. Now I could not be happier. But when I am tempted to chastise myself for not leaving early on, I remind myself that there is no doubt in my mind that I tried everything to make it work, and I just could not. I learned where my boundaries are and will never waste the time in the future.

      Reply
      • Saida Desilets
        Saida Desilets says:

        Gorgeous, June! YESSS!!!!! We do our best with what we know and hold ourselves as precious, no matter what the journey brings.

        Reply
  12. Kathleen
    Kathleen says:

    It is vital we re/claim our sexuality as the women that we are. To love and honour our bodies and ourselves.
    I am amazed that today, men are still choosing to disempower women by using their sexuality against us! And i am dismayed to find some women buying into this too.

    Reply
    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      It’s NOT just men Kathleen, I see plenty of WOMEN also disempowering women. The ONLY way to change this is if every single individual claims themselves. Then we can recognize the person who is trying to pull one over and benevolently disengage 😉

      Reply
    • Mariel
      Mariel says:

      Thank you thank you thank you! Why do we have to doubt ourselves and the common page of power we are all on with an expanding universe? Do not blind oneself again to making the world a better place for all and generations to come!

      Reply
      • Saida Desilets
        Saida Desilets says:

        It’s called DOMESTICATION… we cannot know better, we are brought up into this way of being. Becoming sovereign is an act of maturing into who we really are. 🙂

        Reply
  13. Pam, Seattle
    Pam, Seattle says:

    Wow, I want to thank you for pointing out the competition between women which is present alongside the powerful statements and actions for liberty. It’s very important to acknowledge, accept, and release this shadow side of the movement.

    Reply
  14. Anja Thorrez
    Anja Thorrez says:

    This theme is calling me. I can feel the passion running through my veins. Our home, our body is so intelligent. It is good to listen to her wisdom and to follow her no matter what someone else is telling you. You are the one who is in charge!

    Reply

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