The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me.
How can it be the best thing when it is so utterly painful that you feel your heart will be forever broken into a million pieces.
And the ghosts of a past betrayal haunt your current relationship, making it very painful and difficult to trust again.
Just when you finally can open your heart, you experience yet another betrayal, this time you feel broken beyond repair.
Because of your poorly mended heart, you can never fully surrender to the love that is present and instead you keep creating suspicious reasons to reinforce your pain-story.
Perhaps, to gain some power back, you have become the “other woman” and have seduced a ‘taken’ partner from their relationship.
Whatever the scenario, betrayal hurts.
And the pain can last a lifetime, if we don’t know how to turn it around. If we forget that betrayal is actually an invitation.
Yes, betrayal is an invitation.
As overwhelming the pain of betrayal can be, it actually holds no power over us, except the one we assign to it.
Most of us would love to move on, to be able to have an innocent heart again, and to be able to love fearlessly.
Yet we can’t.
No matter who is with us, we see the past edging in.
In fact, some of us are so good at keeping betrayal alive that our current partner has no choice but to play this out and betray us as well.
But what does it mean: Betrayal?
In the dictionary, it refers to betrayal to be either treacherously giving information to an enemy or to be disloyal to someone.
Just for a moment, let’s step back from our pain and use an eagle’s eye to view the situation.
You are dying inside. You need something new.
Something to wake you out of your slumber.
You discover a passion and it possesses your every waking thought. If you do not pursue it and live it, it means death.
Will you betray yourself for the sake of keeping everyone happy or will you risk the venom of being a betrayer only to be loyal to the deep calling in your heart?
Because this is what is alive in every betrayer, whether or not they are conscious of it.
And the betrayed?
As long as we remain convinced of our victimhood, we will forever wallow in the agony of loneliness and heartache.
It takes deep courage to see a situation for what it is.
I was betrayed.
Not once, but many times.
Each time came as a painful surprise. Each time it hit me like an angry Mack truck, smashing my reality and dreams simultaneously.
Yet the last time it happened, I did something different.
Which is why I chose to write this.
Yes, I was in profound agony and confusion, but a part of me grew curious. She wanted to know if I could forgive and love anyway.
And I did.
I loved deeply. So much so that I was moved by my capacity for love.
This was the first step to healing.
The second was to realize that the dream was over. There was no going back. He loved another.
We divorced without a fight, my only request is that he never contact me again.
I needed the space to feel myself, all by myself. With no one pulling on my heart strings.
This was the second step to healing.
The third was quite stunning. And I don’t expect it to be the same for every woman reading this.
But I became the ‘other woman’. Not by vengeance, but by recognizing love.
It was important for me to do things as consciously as possible. To speak with and meet with the girlfriend.
The truth is: they were already split up, but not fully.
So the fourth step to healing was to claim myself for myself and to respect myself fully along with everyone else involved.
I told her she could hate me, curse at me, or do whatever one does when one has a broken heart.
I held her when I said these things.
But everyone knew that what had come to pass had to.
It always does.
That was the fifth part of my understanding: nothing ever happens that isn’t already perfect.
My husband cheating on me the night of my birthday led to a divorce which freed me up to be with the man I am with now.
He leaving his girlfriend freed her up to meet her now fiance to start a new life more aligned with her dreams.
The sixth part of the healing process was to give up looking for signs of betrayal.
And to start looking for evidence of devotion. Because we will always find what we are looking for, reality is strange that way.
Loving myself deeply, trusting myself again, and being willing to come back to an erotically innocent space has shown me the gift of betrayal.
Are you ready to heal your heart and transform the pain of betrayal into your own empowerment? Then Click here to get your own copy of my book, The Emergence of the Sensual Woman.
This is a very important article. I was resistant to it at first, but something in me had to read it. I have not been betrayed in my relationships, but I have been dumped. And I seriously considered cheating on my now ex-husband before I found the courage to end the marriage and share custody of my children. I know what you mean about the death. I lived that for years being the second wife of a man who had been betrayed twice and had seduced his girlfriend prior to me away from her husband. I was naive and pretty innocent, but I have a huge capacity to love. Unfortunately it was not enough to sustain me. I shrank inside. I met a man who was engaged and we developed a strong attraction for each other. I tried to bring it back to my marriage, but my ex preferred death to life. Finally, I knew that I needed to leave. But I did not develop a relationship with my crush. Instead I blessed him and his wife to be happier than I had been in my marriage. It hurt, but I do not think I would have been happy or secure if it had worked out the other way. I, too, needed to be with myself. I never could imagine being in my marriage long-term, but I love myself now. Not because I’m single, but because I have space to be who I am completely and I’m so alive. I miss male companionship. I miss the touch and smell of a man. But I don’t want that without an alive and fully expressed passion for life.