Spiritual Sex: Why Women Search For It & Don’t Find It

You know, deep down, there has got to be ‘more’ to sex than what you are currently living.

In fact, you no longer want to have sex unless it’s spiritual, yet the men you meet all seem clueless to this superior sexual state.

Intrigued by the possibility of experiencing an exquisite and refined sexual state, you realize that you have no idea how to get there.

Investigating both Tantric and Taoist sexual teachings, you find yourself wondering when the promised “Spiritual orgasm” will propel you out of boredom.

What is Spiritual Sex?

For some of us, it means a connection between Spirituality and Sexuality.

For others, it is slowing things down and meditating together.

And still for others, it is an aloof state whose promises sound intriguing, yet the practice to get there is unattractive.

Yet what if it had nothing to do with praying, ritual, or exotic sexual positions?

What if spiritual sex was a misnomer for a state of being that is natural to all people?

Perhaps our yearning to experience an union between spirituality and sexuality is the same yearning we have for experiencing ‘oneness’.

By taking our fragmented parts and reuniting them we experience the deep pleasure of wholeness.

Wholeness. Holiness.

Consider what we are really saying when we want to have a Spiritual Lover.

When we examine Spirituality, the end result of most Spiritual paths is the loss of desire and the permanent state of celibacy.

A spiritual lover—a person tuned into subtle sensations that move in their body—may or may not always be aware that we are there with them.

This seems to me that such a lover would be preoccupied with themselves and not as attentive as we may desire.

In truth, I sense we are looking for consciousness.

For a lover that is present and awake, and who has the ability to be attentive and sensitive to our body.

We yearn for things to slow down and we yearn for orgasms that reach beyond our pelvis into the realms of supernatural ecstasy.

But the greatest motivator for seeking spiritual sex is not what we think.

Somewhere, deep down, we believe sex is bad, dirty, or even harmful.

And the only way to consolidate our desire is to make it okay by saying it is spiritual. We want to make sex pristine, pure, and beautiful.

But no amount of ritual can transform sexuality from its primal impulses into an ‘out-of-body-connected-to-spirit’ experience.

This is why, time and time again, we are seduced by the ‘spiritual lingo’ used to get us into bed.

The worse part is not that someone pulled one over. It’s that we chose to believe their poetic words and blindly jumped into a sexual encounter.

Result: Dissatisfaction.

Feeling used. And confirmation that sex is bad and where are all the spiritual men anyway?

If spiritual sex doesn’t exist, then what?!

The experience of ‘transcendent sex’—sex that is beyond just the normal realm of the physical—is more common than we think.

In fact, every human being has within them the door to accessing their own deep consciousness. Many of us can actually access this without any formal practice.

Here is the kicker: Our unconsciousness makes sex profane or fragmented.

It is our consciousness, our ability to be deeply aware, that makes sex sacred.

Sexuality and spirituality are natural parts of who we are. Through awakening our awareness and bringing it into our erotic play, we make all erotic expressions sacred.

We are simultaneously sexual and spiritual. How can we not be?

Do we leave our genitals on the bedside table when leaving for work? They come with us no matter where we go and what we are doing!

The same goes for our consciousness, whether or not we recognize it, it is always with us, being witness to our life.

Before we throw up our hands and give up, consider the following:

  • We are innately hard-wired for transcendent sex.
  • The pressure to create a ‘spiritual’ sexual experience makes it more difficult if not impossible to experience.
  • By choosing to be with what is real and in the moment, we invite our erotic nature to be imbued with deep consciousness.
  • Awakened sexual experiences can happen whether or not our partner is experiencing the same state. In other words, experiencing sacred or spiritual sex doesn’t require both people to have the same experience.

Spiritual sex is our birthright.

By simply learning to be more present, more connected with ourselves, and more willing to let go of knowing what is suppose to happen, we can relax and enjoy what is actually happening, whether or not the angels are singing!

To be deep, conscious sex requires us to live a deep, conscious life. There is no separation between what happens in the bedroom and what happens on a daily basis.

Does the idea of waking up and enjoying the amazing subtle nuances of your erotic energy feel like something worthy of your time? A great place to start is with my book.

13 replies
  1. Wesley Pierce
    Wesley Pierce says:

    This holds true for men as well, I have spent 18 years studying the spiritual, eventually leading into a heightened awareness of intimacy and sexuality. I find it almost impossible to find a friend or lover who can join me in that sublime place without suffering grotesques dysfunction of emotional immaturity, or socialized sexual dysfunction, not to mention insane jealousy. I choose now to abstain from mundane sexual relations and simply enjoy internal bliss, but know it is not complete. Your post gives me hope.

  2. Lilly
    Lilly says:

    Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative.
    I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you
    continue this in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing.

  3. Paula
    Paula says:

    Dearest Saida, your book is a profound spiritual experience, and the jade egg practice sounds absolutely spot on for coming into our bodies, out of our thoughts and negative patterning. I have been enjoying spiritual lovemaking with my partner for nearly 3 years now, and every time it ‘feels like the first’. I really attune to how my body feels, what I want at that moment, how when I turn my lover on, I too feel turned on. We both feel at one with each other when love making, beyond the smaller ego and more attuned with each other. Thank you for bringing this consciousness into this world, we surely need it!

  4. sexlovemeaning.wordpress.com
    sexlovemeaning.wordpress.com says:

    I find what you are saying about looking for sacred sex really true and brave. It is hard for most of us women to simply stand behind simply being sexual beings and not dress that up as anything but. Also, to not interpret intense feelings, also of release or bliss, as necessarily spiritual. What does spiritual really mean in the context of sexuality? I used to assume all kinds of things. For now, I have come to see trust and respect and also purpose as the most important ingredient in a relationship. It’s an ongoing exploration for sure…

  5. Rosie
    Rosie says:

    Have just discovered your work Saida, it’s beautiful to see my own experience written online. For me, sacred sexuality has opened by itself on my journey into consciousness and my relationship with myself. Profound blessing for my lovers. I also have an etheric lover, extraordinary experience. I have also found that the further along I go on this path, the higher quality more conscious men come into my life. I love your work Saida, thankyou.

  6. Ryan Keisling
    Ryan Keisling says:

    Thank You Saida for publishing this book! As a man I find your take on the universal tao foundational practices very helpful in my own practice. After reading the PDF sample of the book I will be sure to acquire it…thank you for doing this work in our time of transition!

  7. Janice Mark
    Janice Mark says:

    On basic principle, I agree with your statement – “Awakened sexual experiences can happen whether or not our partner is experiencing the same state.” However, in my direct experience if the other is not meeting me there in consciousness, it either leaves me alone with the transcendental experience (not being able to share the articulation of the experience with my lover) OR to share it creates fear in my lover through misunderstanding of the experience and wondering if they had anything to do with generating the experience. Sometimes it creates pain in my body at that threshold when I’m going beyond and my lover is not able to or unwilling to go the distance so to speak! When my lover can enter my yoni with consciousness, I feel more available and more open to receive him which takes me deeper into love. I’ve also had much more powerful experiences with a “spiritual lover” on other dimensions – meaning the meeting with my energetic masculine lover/beloved on the transcendental dimension in the etheric. It’s been my experience that when essence meets essence before, during and after in the glow of it all, the intimacy and sexual activity is far more fulfilling and rapturous for me. It feels like a far more authentic attraction through which the erotic moves.

  8. Penny
    Penny says:

    I just enjoy my own sense of curiosity right now. There’s so much learning, your book is an inner active read. 😀 I’m encouraging my girlfriends too. Thank you Saida! Truly, thank you.

  9. Janna Dekker
    Janna Dekker says:

    Thank you for the nice explication. I did read your book “The emergence of the sensual woman” which inspired me a lot.
    I am filmmaker and when I am working I realise often that this spirital/sexual energy is everywhere. Thank you and I wish you very nice holidays. Love, Janna


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