Proceptivity – Our Innately Seductive Feline Nature

You notice a chain reaction in the room as a woman walks by—she isn’t the most beautiful or best dressed woman in the room, but something about her is spell-binding.

Inside your body you sense a warmth washing through you, as though you are made of warm, honey-nectar… irresistible.

Within you is a dance, the way your eyes move, the way your lips form their words, the way in which your fingertips touch whatever the come into contact with. You are turned-on by yourself and in turn, turn-on the world around you.

This isn’t manipulation, it’s natural and… hormonal.

Within you lives your own feline nature, the part of you that undulates slowly to the heart beat of life itself.

It’s related to a state of being known as: PROCEPTIVE.

Pro-actively receptive.

It happens when oxytocin & estrogen dance together and unleash allure, seduction, and the ‘come hither and claim me’ version of ourselves.

What’s even more interesting is when we choose to both turn off our ability to sense when this happening within us and to ignore the strong hormonal signals that we are transmitting out into the world.

Why would we do that?

Because we are afraid. Afraid of sending off the “wrong signals”.

What are the “wrong signals”? Who defined what is a right or wrong signal?

Whatever the answer may be, I’m more interested in how we personally relate to these ideas.

Having taught conscious flirting for years, I’ve come across the feminine paradox:

Desiring to be more desirable while being
simultaneously repulsed or afraid of it.

I want to venture to say that our idea of seduction has always been a double-edged sword, so it comes to no surprise that we would both desire to be more powerfully seductive and simultaneously shun our alluring capacities.

These ideas are not new. In fact, the word persuasion comes from the Greek goddess Peitho, also known as the Goddess of Persuasion especially in relation to romance, seduction and love.

In her story, she is both capable of alluring and inspiring people to do as she desires while also being able to elicit violent reactions towards herself.

I sense this Greek goddess was born of the natural capacity that we have as women to be proceptive and the consequences of having this power.

We cannot help this natural magnetic quality from existing, yet our lack of understanding in this potent power is what actually can lead to trouble.

So how do we make peace with this obvious paradox?

First off, accepting and celebrating that our body naturally creates a state in which we receive the world in a pro-active fashion. This means that we intentionally allow what delights us to manifest and when it does, we allow it to touch us deeply.

Then comes responsibility.

Although our instinctual or animal self has this natural capacity, we live in a domesticated world.

A world where beauty is exploited and abused.

A world that has forgotten to protect the feminine and generations of women who have forgotten how to receive and inspire protection.

Responsibility therefore comes in the shape of recognizing our innate power, of harnessing this power and using it wisely to bring more of what we love into our lives, and of simultaneously being aware that our very ambivalence to our seductive nature can and does create the experience of what we don’t want to attract into our lives.

This begs us to look at our ambivalence. To see where we have deep desire to be more attractive and to get what we love in our life… and to see where we are terrified of going for what we truly would love and then allowing ourselves to really receive it fully.

We have natural power and with that power we must have wisdom.

We are meant to inspire action in the world, the kind of action we inspire is up to us individually.

Denying we are seductive places us in a precarious position, one where we still innately are magnetic, but one where we may suffer the consequences of the influence this primal force has on others.

Let’s look at it alchemically.

Inside of us is our magnetic womb-space, the birth-center of creation itself and the home of our sensual/sexual power.

This center is like water, it flows with sensuality and aliveness.

Inside of us there is also our heart-space, the center of our passion, enthusiasm, and profound self-respect.

This center is more like fire, it burns with exceptional brightness and has the capacity to burn through illusion and have us see the truth.

When we combine our water and fire elements, our sexuality with the consciousness of our heart center, in other words, our eros with our psyche, we birth steam, we birth pleasure, we birth conscious proceptivity.

In fact, what is intriguing about conscious sexual practice is invoking sexual hormones in combination with oxytocin. In other words, we create proceptivity on an on-going basis.

Women who do this literally glow like sweet, golden honey.

Our capacity to harness our natural seduction in combination with deep consciousness allows us to make peace with this powerful feminine force and to create experiences in the world that are both deliciously rewarding while being healthy and life-giving.

If learning how to do this for yourself is intriguing, I’d recommend starting with my book, The Emergence of The Sensual Woman.

I want to hear from you, is it true for you what I’ve shared? Do you desire to be more attractive and yet fear it? Do you love to flirt, yet dislike having to deal with the responses to your beauty? What other challenges do you face in being a magnetic being?


37 replies
  1. Claire Magdalena
    Claire Magdalena says:

    GREAT article, Saida! so much to ponder. the concept of proceptivity is still a bit vague to me, though. I loved your comment about Domesticate women, its a keeper: “Domesticated woman are not very safe because their own animal is asleep. When we are (a)wake, nothing gets by us… we can sense things from far away and make good choices.” This is know is Truth. The radiance practices I learned from you and KSM have been sweet. I realize how muc of this I already do and am on track for MORE. I recently started reading your book (The Jade Egg Kit was my husband’s Solstice gift to me!!) and am loving this gentle immersion. thanks for who you are and what you stand for. Lovely! And looking forward to more…

  2. Michelle Dancy
    Michelle Dancy says:

    This is SO true but my biggest challenge in my corner if the world, is the disrespect I receive from men…even my ex husband. I was talking to him today and he couldn’t stop staring at my books!! Mashed me feel like I’ve fine something wrong

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Do you disrespect yourself? Your choices? It’s his problem if he has an issue with the books you read, not yours. What he thinks of you is literally none of your business… I often remind myself of that in these types of situations. Reclaim your space and your choices.

  3. Penny
    Penny says:

    I had this glow hidden away also until a handsome younger man put his arms around me and kissed me like no other before. He whispered in my ear that he thought I was a Goddess and that he has had a “crush” on me for many years. Yes, he really said crush like he was 15. I don’t know if it was the kiss or the whispering but I giggled and blushed like I was 15. And then, surprise! He called me a cougar! The next day I was in the grocery store and I WAS GLOWING! A friend saw me and stopped me to tell me how great I looked. She said I was glowing like a happy pregnant women. I laughed and told her not possible, it’s all gone inside. She told me to keep doing what ever it is that makes me look so young! She said she was jealous as she was leaving. I gave her my Chessure cat grin and left her wondering how, why, etc. I hold that young man close to my heart as he awoke my Goddess energy again. I call it my female pheromones fun. Going to the grocery store takes on a whole new perspective. At 52, I say woo hoo and thank you for the life changing experience.

  4. Susan Kleppe
    Susan Kleppe says:

    Greetings Saida! Thank you for your research! It’s been an issue for me in my life ( I am 61 now) as to how to be open without attracting unpleasant male attention. I look forward to reading your book. I have 2 grown daughters who are very beautiful and I would like to help them out as well. I see this has been an issue with them as well.

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Thank you Susan… This is perhaps one of the great initiations of being a woman in the world. We must discover how to consciously walk this path of being the bearers of beauty and walk it with both feet firmly on the earth.

  5. Sangita
    Sangita says:

    Thank you Saida ,this touches me and makes me want to notice when during the day I unconsciously switch off my radiance as a protection and notice if it’s really needed,probably mostly is not.
    Can you say more about this? Is it only needed to switch off in a danger situation or ?
    Would love to hear your insight on this. Thank you. With love. Sangita

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Hi Sangita, in my personal experience, I don’t switch it off, ever. However, I do turn it down… like holding my radiance deeply within me in some moments while allowing it to glow outwardly in others. Our aliveness, our wildness can help keep us safe, if we learn to trust ourselves and our own intuition/instincts once again.

      I’ve had situations in my life that were very, very bad. But somehow, I’d miss out on them (I’d find out later what could have happened had I not listened to my intuition/instincts). I feel this is very important.

      Domesticated woman are not very safe because their own animal is asleep. When we are wake, nothing gets by us… we can sense things from far away and make good choices.

      • demi
        demi says:

        “Domesticated woman are not very safe because their own animal is asleep. When we are wake, nothing gets by us… we can sense things from far away and make good choices.”

        I feel like with that statement you are literally blaming women for being harassed, for being abused, for being assaulted. Gross.

        • Saida Desilets
          Saida Desilets says:

          Hi Demi, Gross, huh? Interesting choice of words.

          If you read the quoted statement as part of the entire article, it’s explaining how, through being domesticated out of our instinctual nature, we are not as aware of how and when to protect ourselves as well as feeling FREE enough to protect ourselves. Nowhere do I blame women for the atrocities that they live through.

          It is never okay to abuse or hurt another human being. EVER. End of story.

          AND… there are many of these moments that can be thwarted or avoided when we are more connected with the part of ourselves that can sense when something is off, etc.

          An example: Many of us have been forced to hug or kiss a relative when we were little girls, sometimes, we were forced to kiss or hug the very person who was abusing us. This ‘forced behavior’ only further entrenches our feeling of lack of trust and lack of safety… imprinting our ‘young’ self not to trust what we feel and not to speak up when something is really off.

          We’d be wiser to let children choose when and how to be affectionate and to take notice of the people they veer away from, letting children say NO and respect it.

          I hope that helps Demi. Thank you for bringing up this point and asking for clarification. Curiosity is what helps us all heal the things that are difficult to face.

  6. jan
    jan says:

    Around 20 years ago when I began therapy I had a therapist who fell in lust with me and blamed me for carrying the “power.” I shut down with embarrassment and now that I am post menopausal have a great deal of difficulty walking with my succulence again. At the tender age of 62 I am now well past the hormonal days but want to rediscover the succulence you write so well about. I don’t believe that my succulent days are past but I also don’t know how to erase the feeling of shame I felt when that therapist so accused me. I was completely unconscious of this “so called” power of mine until I was shamed. Does that make sense?

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Jan, that is awful and that therapist should NOT BE PRACTICING!!!! That had NOTHING to do with you at all! Do not take on shame from someone who is clearly out of integrity themselves.

      I often tell women: You are not responsible for the reactions of others. If a man gets an erection, it’s his erection, his turn-on. Let him own it. The same goes for the arousal of another woman. You don’t have to feel like you HAVE TO DO SOMETHING about it, ever (unless you are inspired to, of course).

      You are powerful… doesn’t matter the age. Succulence doesn’t go away, though it can become dormant. And yes, it does require a consciousness to wield the grace and beauty of a Queen. I sense you have that.

      Imagine your succulence is your life-blood. It’s what keeps you animated and alive and inspired. Without it, one feels dead.

  7. KT Mae
    KT Mae says:

    This couldn’t of come at a better time….I have been searching for answers as to what is my “deal” with my light….I keep having these moments like the other nite…I had our company Xmas Party…got fully gussied up and challenged myself to wear a shorter skirt, some heels and a most fabulous hat…I felt great, looked great and was so excited for fun evening…everything thing came together like the stars aligned and I could feel it oozing out of me…those mooments like “damn, I look good”…well I get to the party and people men and women were just all over me and I didn’t know what to do or how to accept it and I was extremely nervous and anxious to wear what I was and scared of the reactions of mostly being “too much”….so in my anxiety, I drank alittle too much and escaped because I didn’t know how to handle the incoming overwhelming compliments and love and support and also my own sexual and heart energy….I find this is an issue that continues to happen in my life….I have always been a “big” energy and I continue to dampen this light and scare myself and not have the confidence to follow thru on it or find ways to escape it….ugh….but all this has helped today. I will continue to keep challenging myself to share my light and love and try not to dampen it because of being too much in the world…

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Hi KT Mae, thank you for your vulnerable reveal. What you describe, I’m sure, is something most women have experienced at one time or another.

      Our worse critic is often ourselves… and our true feminine power, RECEPTIVITY, is often something foreign to us!

      Learn to receive in micro-moments, just take a breath when a smile comes, or a compliment, or something small a person does for you. Breathe it in BEFORE you respond verbally or otherwise. Let it touch your heart. You will feel vulnerable… and a sense of wonderment: “Wow,thank you so much for seeing me/opening the door for me/helping me.”

      But it’s worth the vulnerability… because the more you genuinely receive life, the more you will feel received by life.

  8. Marty Golden
    Marty Golden says:

    Wow, Saida, this is quite compelling. Thank you for diving into this topic. After reading your teaching of the alchemical process of love and hormones, I understand in a deeper way why I feel ‘better’ hormonally when I am experiencing more pleasure in my life. I am going through perimenopause (at 52 years) and it seems like pleasure, in the form of a conscious sexual practice, is absolutely the best antidote for hot flashes and mood swings and the indifference that seems to underly everything. But by tapping into the infinite well of femininity, I’m becoming more and more feminine. My hormones are much more stable and I feel more complete. Thank you for giving it a name–PROCEPTIVITY.

  9. Malika
    Malika says:

    I LOVE this article. At the same time I know I since childhood have stopped showing the world that I am seductive and it hurts…not sure anymore how to even do it.It became a protection as to not attract the wrong attention… So thanks for writing this ,it triggers a lot and I will re-read it again. Because I know it is Truth !

  10. Louise
    Louise says:

    I had my femininity turned down as a child too, like Judy. I am only now learning to turn it up again, when I want to, and feel safe to … and it is fun! It is a fine line between allowing little girls to be naturally feminine, and teaching them that males read these signals from their own ego, and from how they were brought up to either respect or not respect females. This means that males may or may not be safe people to be alone with. Keeping themselves safe is an important part of self respect and self love. I think it is a legitimate aim to teach our girls the value of manifesting their natural femininity but that they need to learn how to wield it safely and responsibly, or turn it down on command. They need Mastery (Mistressry?) of it to keep themselves safe but still allow themselves full feminine expression. They need to be consciously feminine, rather than ‘in your face’ feminine. I think there is a difference between how we manifest ourselves in our private lives, in public life and in the workplace. It is the ultimate balancing act in a world where women participate fully in life as full human beings. Saida, Your response to this dampener?

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      I don’t see your response as a “dampener” Louise. I see it as wisdom.

      Of course we want to protect our young women!! And here’s the deal, there is a way to be in the world where we do feel safer WITHOUT having to shut ourselves down. Yes, learning how and when to turn up or down the volume on our radiance is a great skill… AND… to let our men know!

      We need their protection! For us to shine and radiate more of our beauty, we need to feel like they have got us and that they won’t let anything happen to us ever. As women learn to step forward in their power, we equally need men to do the same. A man’s true nature is one that loves and cherishes the beauty of the feminine and one that will protect the feminine at all costs.

      If men have forgotten that, we must remind them. Not by making demands, but by being vulnerable and letting them know that their presence is something valuable in our lives.

      • Louise
        Louise says:

        As a postmenopause woman (who now has the very great advantage of sailing calm waters instead of stormy, hormonal cycle), and now a grandmother, I can see that it is important to allow children and emerging adults of all genders and sexualities to get to know their inherent power, and their masculine and feminine. I think I am talking about giving/allowing them awareness of the power of their yin and yang (because we all have both). Once they are aware of it they will be able to prevent adults from stealing it and burying it. They will also be able to read adults better and protect themselves better by dialling it up or down, according to their need at the time. This will inherently keep them safer and allow them to enjoy their bodies, and being themselves. I want to cry when I hear people talking about keeping the facts of life and reproduction and the delights of the senses from children, ie keeping them innocent (and ignorant). IMO, It is a form of deprivation to teach children to ignore their basic sense and intuitive experiences.

        • Saida
          Saida says:

          Louise, I love your deep elder wisdom. The young need to hear from their powerful elders. What you say is so true and has touched me deeply, thank you for taking the time to share with us here.

  11. CJ
    CJ says:

    Thank you for this. It’s deepened my understanding of myself as a female. I also dim down my light unconsciously, I’m catching myself do it now. It’s hard to not do it. Years of society telling us it’s our responsibility for others reactions to our sexuality! I always argued that notion knowing it’s not my responsibility but still being afraid at the same time to shine. One concern I have for my daughters is my husband is noticing others attention of them and it makes him very protective, naturally of course, but saying things like little girls don’t dance like that , triggers something inside me. He doesn’t mean anything bad, I remember being told the same thing as a child. We’ve been taught to fear a females sexuality, it’s of the devil… Which I now know is not my truth., I’m not sure how to navigate this subject… I’m still finding my own footing. I don’t want this fear to become theirs. Thank you for being you! This was an awesome read!

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      CJ, thank you for your honesty. And thank your husband for his desire to protect the women in his life.

      Learning that our beauty can express herself in all her ways while being conscious of our environment is a huge learning. All around us we find misinformation about female sexuality, both in awe and in terror of the power of beauty and radiance.

      But change happens one woman at a time.

      My father also wanted to keep me safe. He taught me what to do if ever I was in situations that he deemed as “not ok”… and guess what? His empowerment of me went a very long way! I did have to protect myself at different moments in my life and every time I felt blessed my father took the time to share with me what he believed would be useful to a beautiful woman in the world.

  12. martha
    martha says:

    Dear Saida, this is one of the best essays I’ve seen written on this aspect of feminine nature that I have seen written in a very long time! HIghly informative, relatively brief and very readable. Thank you! I will share it for sure! much love~

  13. Judy
    Judy says:

    Yes I totally understand what you are saying. It is how I have been for as long as I can remember.
    I would be myself and magnetic then get the extra attention from men especially, so I would shut it down. I didn’t put it all together until I had my daughter. She was so young yet moved in such a feminine alluring way. My initial reaction was how can she be so sexual she’s too young. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s the beauty of being feminine!! We should not feel ashamed or bad about being feminine. I was brought up totally different. My mom squashed my femininity to try to protect us from unwanted attention. I want different for my daughter I want her to be herself and shine. Yes she will get unwanted attention it’s the society we live in but I don’t want her to be scared of it. She will have the knowledge and strength to deal with what comes her way. I am forty one now and have been protecting my light for many years in order to keep safe. No more I realize now that hiding my light doesn’t do anyone any favors especially me. Only a special few people really got to see me. Now I am opening it up for all to see. Without feeling guilty or ashamed. It’s truly a beautiful thing when you feel like you can just be!!

  14. Rebecca
    Rebecca says:

    My hormones are out of balance (I was tested). My doc is trying to help me get them back, but what can I do in the meantime to regain some of this good stuff back?

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Wow! There are so many amazing ways to help your body come back into balance. The foundational key is your adrenal health… and the most helpful there is good sleep and plenty of delight and pleasure, especially first thing in the morning. 🙂

  15. Shasta
    Shasta says:

    Saida! This is brilliant. I love this idea of proception. I worked for almost a decade in a public health agency alongside female engineers in Seattle and while these women were fiercely intelligent (and respected in their field), they dressed very androgynously (at best) and seemed to thumb their noses at me for wearing makeup and enjoying pretty clothes. I’ve since heard the phrase “vain about not being vain”, and found that to be a very apt description. I think its not only the fear of being seen (and unsafe) around men, but also feeling unsafe around very masculine women. I know that I have a pattern of “dialing down” my proceptivity around women for this very reason. I will look into your new book!

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Beautifully said Shasta! I did not address your point about women keeping women down in this article, but I sense it will be a juicy topic for a future article. BTW: I don’t have a new book yet… but I am working on one! 😉

  16. Katherine
    Katherine says:

    Saida, it’s actually the reactions of other women to my succulence, rather than men, that I find most difficult… Dedicated sexual practice results, as you say, in a distinctive type of honey-radiance which in turn makes a woman look younger than her chronological age. She may also appear conspicuously younger than her contemporaries (all in their mid-fifties in my case) and this can be resented! I’ve come largely to accept this as an unavoidable by-product of one of my core life-choices, but it feels sad just the same. It’s not always appropriate or possible to share the ‘secret’ behind not looking as old as I ‘ought to’. Thank you for raising this important issue. You’re the only teacher I’ve come across who writes about the effect our radiance can have on other people.

    • Saida
      Saida says:

      Hi Katherine, what you say saddens my heart… but it is indeed true. Here’s the thing… our joy, our beauty, our delight will inevitably trigger others who have not made healthy choices for their own lives. It’s not at all about you. You are not being insensitive by being alive. Compassion for their pain is the route I normally go (without dimming my light).


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