Why Impeccability Is The New Sexy

The Toltecs have a beautiful definition for impeccability: To be impeccable means to not use words against yourself (self-criticism/self-shaming) or others (criticism/shaming).

Let’s add to that definition our ability to reside, fully, in our own sexual sovereignty.

From this perspective, impeccability creates a clear presence, one that is not weighed down by the burden of maintaining lies or hurtful thoughts about oneself or others.

It allows for clarity of mind, heart and body, where you are free to feel the fullness of your undomesticated erotic genius without having to act out in any particular or pre-determined way.

This allows us to by-pass socially pressured or endorsed (enforced) ways of being a sexual creature such as “all flirting leadings to sex”, “all touch indicates desire for sex”, and “all sexual delights” infers to “please take me now.”

These rather clumsy and juvenile ways of expressing our sexual selves also leads to behaviors that are out of integrity with oneself.

How is it that to be ‘sexually liberated’ we must actually be able to have sex with whomever-whenever? Since when is that an act of liberation?

Then add into the mix alcohol and recreational substances and you have a potent combo of neurotic, shallow and unsatisfying sex.

In fact, in some groups, if a woman’s vagina isn’t readily available to everyone she is considered sexually repressed.

That’s where sexual liberation is actually a facade for sexual ignorance.

It is where we lose sight of the opportunity to feel into the scintillating aliveness that is pulsing between two people.

Why not play and enjoy this sexual tension?

What’s the rush to resolve this tension all about?

What are we afraid of if we don’t ‘take things all the way’?

Impeccability is sexy, deeply so.

It allows all of you to meet all of me.

We can be vulnerable together, open and pure in our dance, free of goals or even the need to control the outcome.

We can enjoy the exquisite unfolding of something utterly profound and magical, without ever having to take our clothes off.

Don’t get me wrong, I love skin to skin connection with the person I choose, I love, I respect and I’m willing to see and be seen by.

But I’m not talking about deep lovemaking or wild, abandoned Eros (although it is included in this discussion).

What I’m speaking of is revolutionary: it is unbridled, pure, erotic innocence leading the way.

Not innocence with ignorance.

But innocence with integrated consciousness.

In other words, innocence with impeccability.

This is where we meet, outside of social pressures, outside of our conditioning, outside of predetermined social constructs… where pure creativity leads the way.

It is where my sexual sovereignty and yours come together to play.

It’s where our omni-orgasmic birthright ignites herself and infuses our moments.

Where even just a breath sends ripples of delight into all the curves and valleys of our being.

Without impeccability, we are left playing with projections and insecurities, becoming beggars in the equation.

Yet… we are all gourmet.

All born into this birthright and responsibility.

How amazing that it gets to be one that is capable of creating tremendously beautiful experiences of profound pleasure along with unshakable integrity.

If delighting in the creative nature of your erotic innocence in combination with being impeccable is something you’d love to learn more about,  you may want to start with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

As always, I would love to hear directly from you. What did you find challenging about this article? Was there anything that inspired you? How do you treat yourself or others, especially with regards to sexuality? Let me know in the comment section below.

13 replies
  1. Oh Yeah Col
    Oh Yeah Col says:

    Oh How refreshing beautiful a woman with depth to thinking out her feelings. To draw out , to find out, and to work out. The exotic,and the Erotic sensual emotions that women have. To be unashamed to allow your inner self, express those thought , to be come impeccably wonderful .

  2. Anne
    Anne says:

    This is at the heart of recent challenges with my beloved. And it makes me realize that I’m not entirely comfortable with how I set boundaries. My past has led me to be much less willing to allow others into my space because of fear that they might take advantage of me against my wishes. I want to learn to honor my boundaries while opening my heart–and trusting my sweetheart to do the same.

    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Yes! Impeccability can really transform relationships for the better… creating more spaciousness, creativity and trust.

  3. abby crimm
    abby crimm says:

    Thank you for such eloquent, complete, and juicy truth, explained from the heart!! What a divine treasure!! Keep the wisdom flowing!

    And Happy Belated Birthday!!! <3

  4. Sahara
    Sahara says:

    Yes, I always wanted to be sexually liberated, but felt pressure that it means I should have sex all over the place, and that is not in integrity with me, nor is my heart’s want. Very interesting point of view, I never thought of it myself, that liberation means something completely different, it’s actually quite liberating to know that 🙂

  5. Marja West
    Marja West says:

    What an Epic and refreshing read! You echo my thoughts and feelings that have too often been ridiculed in various Tantra and social circles– all of which I’ve made my silent egress from. Thank you for your encouragement to live from Love, Truth, and Beauty, impeccably. xoxo

    • Saida Desilets
      Saida Desilets says:

      Yes Marja! It is a pet peeve of mine that pseudo-conscious groups use their collective mind to shame others into full compliance of their often ‘covert’ agendas and agreements. This is NOT freedom.

  6. phoenix
    phoenix says:

    This reminds me one of the 4 Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz as well as Vipassana Shila (morality) which is not harm anyone through words or actions.

    I love the way you mix impeccability with erotic genius. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, much appreciated.

    Time to practice walking the talk for me. I still indulge way too much into self-blaming, which I know is a form of self-abuse.


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